(Closed) about ready to give up

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Honestly, I’m seeing a big red flag that he won’t tell his mom that you guys have set a date. He should be excited about marrying you and want to announce it to the world! I’d sit down with him and let him know that you are concerned that he won’t tell his mother that you guys have set a date. Tell him you’re excited about setting the date and want to share the news with his parents. Then I think you really need to talk with him about the exact reason why he doesn’t want to tell her. I read your other post and I think it’s time for you both to stop letting your parents be in charge of your lives and do what makes YOU happy!

Post # 5
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

btw our parents are paying so none of his excuses made since…

I still don’t really understand your situation.  Your parents are paying for your school, your parents are paying for the wedding.  Your Fi won’t tell his mom you set a date, but you are engaged.  Did he pay for the ring himself, or is he needing her financial support for part of the wedding?  I’m sorry, I’m just not following what the issue is.

Post # 6
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

are you the lady whose parents are paying for college and the deal was to wait for marriage until after graduation?

to be honest if your guy isnt that gun ho about getting married then maybe you need to give him some breathing space on it – im not saying he doesnt love you but i wouldnt force the issue either, i mean you both have college to finish and get jobs etc.  maybe he wants to be more than just a groom but a husband, provider and equal partner and that could be a factor for him as well 

Post # 9
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@mattsgirl813:  I’ve been reading about your situation.  I’m sorry.  🙁  This must be so frustrating.

Is it possible that, while it’s just the two of you, the decision to get married still feels like it’s far in the future/dream-like for your FI?  If he actually tells his mom, that makes the decision real.

I think that you need to find out if he’s having second thoughts.  I wouldn’t plan anything else (or talk about the wedding) until he tells his mom.

Post # 11
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@mattsgirl813:  A lot of people don’t realise how long it can take to plan a wedding, especially if you’re in an urban area and need to book venders far in advance.  That part of your story is pretty normal for a lot of brides who have longer engagements or Fiance (families, in laws, etc) who haven’t planned a wedding in a long time.

I know that it hurts, but I honestly would just sort of “uh huh” the conversations with your Fiance that are wedding related and let him drive the conversation.  I might also tell him that you’re not going to start planning until he tells his mom.  It IS a concern that he doesn’t want her to know what’s going on and seems afraid to tell her.  I would keep a close eye on that.

 

Post # 13
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Ah, okay, I get it now.  I agree with Arwen… I would just leave it alone and see if he brings it up again.  You’ve got the date, you’ve got the ring… that should make you feel better until he has the cojones to talk to his mom.

Post # 14
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My FI’s dad is sort of like this and we expect him to try to talk us out of whatever date/location that we give. We are going to just hand him a save the date once it’s all booked and if he shows up, he shows up. He shouldn’t make excuses, he should just say to her that’s the date and if you can be there, wonderful, if not, oh well. That will make her quiet.

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