Post # 1
So, I sat down and we updating my guest list on who had confirmed and I started to notice people were reply that I thought we had decided not to invite…. and lo and behold, I didn’t. My mom had taken our invites/response card to staples, made (surprisingly good) copies and gave them to her some of her co-works, extended family, and neighbors. I specifically told her we could NOT go over 110 people or we would run out of seats. We were already pushing capacity because I let her talk me into inviting some extended family I haven’t talk to in year (and she guaranteed they wouldn’t come and guess what they already RSVPed yes). I’m pissed because not only had I already compromised quite a bit with her, I invited people she wanted to instead of friends, so they wedding was already going to be like 90% family, but I sat her down, drew out the room, showed her pictures of the room, and showed her exactly why we couldn’t seat more people. The original guest list she gave me of our family had like 120 people from our side alone.
So anyway, I’m staring at my room plan and trying not to cry. We will potentially have 25 people we cannot seat. I had to leave the room because I called my mom out on it and was arguing with her and her defense is that we shouldn’t count teenagers or below because they’ll be wondering around the whole time, plus apparently the men don’t like to sit, and of course we can sit people outside because we’re going to have perfect weather and like 30 people can sit out there…. and yea, I cannot seem to get her to see why this is a problem.
Post # 3
Oh wow. So sorry your mum did that to you! I would throw a pink fit. If there is absolutely no way of seating them I would have your mum call them and explain the situation and tell them they can’t come. I know it’s awful to univite people but it is your mother’s mistake to fix and if they can’t be seated what way is there around it? Everyone definitely requires a seat. If you do decide you can fit them in I would make sure she would be paying for them.
Post # 4
I would start calling people and telling them what your mother did, and try to apologetically uninvite them. this is inexcusable! I would literally KILL my mother if she did this!
Post # 5
@Lollybags: I agree. If you cannot accomodate them, she needs to be talking to them and explaining that she invited them behind your back. If she won’t do that, then do it yourself and let them know that unfortunately there is just no room, you are already at your max limit and that your mom decided to invite them without your knowledge. If she doesn’t have the guts to tell them, I don’t see why she can’t be a little embarrassed when you do.
Post # 6
Thanks everyone. I’m forcing her to call the venue to see if we can go in one day this week and plan with the tables to see if we can fit everyone. I’m really hoping we can work some magic with the tables.
And I really really hope I don’t have to uninvite people. I’ve posted on here before about having a hard time dealing with conflict and I feel like I would stamper my way though the phone calls.
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
Bring up the point of fire codes – the venue cannot legally let that many people into the building.
Post # 8
@MiraJo: see if u cn fit extra tables, if it was me she would hav to put money towards the extra plates as well
Post # 9
@aggie2010: lol I should dig up my contract and point that out to her. At this point though I don’t know if it would phase her. She seems to be ligetly stuck in “Lets invite everyone we know, it’ll be fine” land.
@babypearls: I’m afraid to let her pay for anyhting (FI adn I are paying for the whole wedding). She has offered to pay before, but I feel like it would give her even more control over the wedding. She’s controlling enought already.
Post # 10
@Lollybags: She seems to mostly be stuck on the fact that everyone requires a seat thing. We’ve had the same argument 3 times already just this evening, and it just keeps looping.
“Mom everyone needs a seat.”
“But people will be up dancing and getting food and talking to other people, not everyone will be sitting down at once”
“But they still need a seat.
“But everyone won’t be sitting at once”
“But if you go get cake and find that someone has taken your seat, that would be a bad thing wouldn’t it”
“So everyone needs a seat.”
And then the topic will change, but eventually we will end up back on this topic and have basically same argument again.
Post # 11
@MiraJo: What, you’re paying for the whole wedding??
Then tell her to uninvite them. She created the mess, she fixes it. What she did was dishonest and sneaky and… I just don’t have words.
EDIT: Or uninvite them yourself and say something like this:
“Hello is that Mrs. Smith? It’s MiraJo here. It’s about my wedding. I’m sorry to say my mother invited you without my persmission. She made a copy of my invitation. I’m sorry but it’s a small wedding which my fiance and I are paying for ourselves. So I’m sorry for the misunderstanding, but there’s no space and we physically cannot invite you.”
Or to avoid the awkward converation, send them each a letter, in which you apologise and blame the whole fiasco on your mother. Thinking about it, I kind of like this idea best.
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2013 - Garden
I would call them and say, “Hi, I’ve received your RSVP and am super grateful that you want to celebrate our marriage but unfortunately there were some communication problems with my mother and she has sent out a few too many invitations. I’m really embarrassed but our venue just can’t accommodate you. I’m so sorry and I hope you understand.”
And then get off the phone ASAP 😉
Post # 13
IDK, I’m going to feel just awful if I have to start uninviting people. How long do you guys think i can hold out before I have to do something like that? Like I said I’m hoping we can do something with the table arrangements, and maybe I’ll luck up and one of my aunts with like 6 kids will RSVP a no… and I’ll be praying to God, Jesus, Odin, Buddha, and Optimus Prime that we have good weather and can have part of it outside. Like we already weren’t going to have a dance floor unless we could use the outside part.
Post # 14
@aggie2010: Fire codes will get you out of anything. Literally. Tell her it will be a health and safety violation and you will get fined/ticketed if more people come in than the max amount.
If anything, have her foot the bill for her extra 25 guests. Their her guests, not yours. Maybe tell her to hold a separate reception for those extra family members she wants to bring. Your mom went way out of line.
Post # 15
@MiraJo: “IDK, I’m going to feel just awful if I have to start uninviting people“.
That’s the problem. Your mother’s taking advantage of your niceness. She thinks she can get away with anything because you’re too nice to embarass her. Prove her wrong: send each of her invitees a letter.
Post # 16
:O I’ve been to several weddings and during dinner basically everyone is seated (even at casual weddings) all at the same time. Of course you have people quickly going to the bathroom or maybe getting seconds but people sit for at least dinner all at once. You should check to see if it’s going to be a fire hazard. It might also break your contract with them by having that many people. This was a bad idea.
Personally I’d call everyone that was no longer invited and just appologize (no blaming mom). You’ll get a lot of upset people that way but 1 you don’t sound like your playing the blame game and 2 you’ll know it got taken care of the right way. I honestly wouldn’t trust her to call and if she did she’d probably lie or blame you.
Honestly it is partly your fault. Don’t get me wrong it’s way more your mom’s fault but you could have easily avoided this. You could have just told her she can’t invite them and that’s how the cookie crumbles. Lesson of the day is don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched. That lesson should help you with the outside seating because you can’t control weather. I’d rather be univited than be told to sit out in the rain or leave.