- 2 months ago
I’ve browsed this site many a time over the last few years and have always thought the responses here have seemed lovely, especially when compared to those on other forums (think Mumsnet!) so thought I’d finally post about my situation/have a mini rant!
My boyfriend and I have been together coming up to 5 years. Completely happy, no massive complaints, living together for near on that entire duration. We currently have two children together, with a third on the way and I must say, I HATE that I’m still only his ‘girlfriend’. Something about that term sounds so juvenile and I’m dying to be married and actually be his wife, as opposed to us just acting like husband and wife.
We’ve spoken about weddings and about marriages many times over the years, and according to Boyfriend or Best Friend, the sole reason we haven’t yet got engaged is down to money. Now normally, I’d say that was just a ‘line’, but it is however, the complete truth. We fell pregnant with our first child within 18 months of being together, so naturally, all saving went towards baby prepping. Shortly after our first child arrived, we fell pregnant with baby number 2, and amongst the chaos of our family expanding, looking for a double buggy, another cot, extra bits and pieces, saving for an engagement naturally fell to the side.
After our fourth anniversary, I told Boyfriend or Best Friend that I really would like to get engaged by 5 years of us being together, even before Boyfriend or Best Friend when I’ve been with previous partners, my cut off point (for lack of a better phrase) before I start to wonder if it’s ever going to happen has been 5 years. I was told that once he’s been on a friends stag do (which is now in just a few weeks time) and is no longer saving up for that, he’ll have more money left over each month to start saving up for a ring.
He knows the rings I like, and even told me to try them on when we was out shopping one day last year. The cost of the rings I showed him are completely achievable with just a few months of saving (the most expensive ring was £250), but I’m starting to grow anxious that once he’s back from the stag do, it won’t ‘hit’ him to start saving. The longer we’ve been together, and incidentally, the more children we have, the more desire I have to become engaged very soon.
He is aware of how much it means to me, but honestly, how can I approach the subject without coming across like I’m nagging? I don’t want to put an actual definitive time line on it, because bottom line, we’re a family, I love him and I’m not going anywhere. But I will be deeply hurt if another anniversary comes and goes and we see in another new year with our children as just boyfriend and girlfriend.
I threw him a curveball last night during a lighthearted conversation and simply said ‘a bit random, but what would you say if I said let’s not bother getting married? I mean, we basically act like we are anyway!’. He responded with ‘what? Why? You want to get married though!’. I had naturally hoped that he’d express that he desperately wanted to get married too, but he didn’t say that, though I did spring the chat on him right before bed and he was exhausted, so perhaps wasn’t the best time!