(Closed) About to lose it

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m angry for you!!  What a jerk thing to say!  The reality is that neither family can pay for anything, so you have to pay for it yourself.  Blaming your family for not having money??  WTH?

Post # 4
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Just keep in mind.. sometimes wedding planning can be so stressful.. Ive heard many already married couples say that they got in the worst of fights and said super mean things they didnt truly mean.

 

sorry you have to go through this.

Post # 5
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow. Last I checked, kids aren’t “entitled” to an inheritance. Does your Fiance come from money? I could see how he could get that impression although it’s totally wrong!!!! Even if your family mad some bad financial decisions (who hasn’t?!) it’s not his place to judge. Just accept and move on.

Did you tell your Fiance that you don’t expect or want money from them? Shoot, he definitely shouldn’t be all pissy about the “traditional” roles brides parents play if his aren’t doing that. Definitely the pot calling the kettle black.

Is this unlike him? Maybe he just flipped out….terribly rudely IMO.

PS i’d wait to have the wedding, too. What’s another year, right?

Post # 6
Member
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am sorry that you are going through this. That was really out of order for him to say.

Post # 7
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I can see how he can be upset, but that is out of line. These days, a lot of couples pay for the wedding themselves. I think since the situation is pretty set in stone (i.e. neither family’s paying), there is really no point in discussing who wasted what. Ask him to stop judging your family’s past financial decisions since it won’t change anything and judging people is silly in general…and start having some productive conversations about how much you’ll be spending and when you’ll be getting married. Good luck! 

Post # 8
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yikes! That was a definite jerk comment. I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he was caught up in the heat of the moment and is just so eager to be your husband that the thought of having to wait another year makes him say stupid things. Okay, so maybe that STILL doesn’t justify, I tried. I would try to cool off and then talk to him when you’re not in the heat of the battle. I would start by telling him how that comment made you feel and why it made you feel that way. Then explain your vision for the wedding and how it was never your intention to have your family pay for anything. Maybe you both need to outline your visions for your big day and see if you can come to some type of common ground. Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Ouch…that’s definitely not something nice he said. Try to take a deep breath and realize that he said it in the heat of argument. I think you both need to take a step back, walk away, and come back when you’re both calmer. YES you have a right to be upset about what he said, but he might not have meant it in the way it came out.

I hope you guys can talk through this and hopefully he’ll realize what he said was just plain wrong, wrong, wrong…

Post # 11
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Hmm sounds to me like he’s just pissed his expectation of having a wedding earlier got shattered so he’s lashing out by hurting you. It’s not nice, but it’s something we all do occassionally. And I can totally understand wanting to get married sooner so you can have sex (most of my V-card holding friends have a very short engagement!) but compromising a pot-luck type wedding (if it’s not what you want) for sex just won’t sit well with you later. I promise. After it’s all said and done and consummated, you don’t want to wish you’d waited just a teensy bit longer to have the wedding you wanted to have.

Is there a way to have both? Bump up the wedding a little bit but at the same time go with more of the wedding vision you want?

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