- 4 years ago
I am a 27 year old girl currently in a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend (26) of a little over a year. I love him immensely since he is a really good guy. He treats me like a princess and makes sure I am happy and that my needs are met. He is everything I want in a husband and knew I wanted to marry him within a few days of first meeting him. Since we started dating a year ago, we have continuously gotten serious, survived a long distance stint of a few months; dealt with family crisises; had our first official vacation as a couple and are slowly integrating each other into each others lives. During the past 3 months we have talked seriously about the future with him verbally proposing multiple times and myself happily saying yes! Everything is all I could dream about only, it is our shaky start that has me freaked out.
We met two years ago in the summer of 2012 through a mutual friend. Even though we were both in other relationships, sparks flew. He took my number and joked about hanging out. We didn’t communicate again until another meet 3 weeks later at a party. I was then broken up with my then-boyfriend and he was still in a relationship. After a night of drinking he started flirting with me and even though I was attracted, I turned him down, saying that if he reallly likes me, he should approach me when he is single. We spent the night laughing and joking and didnt see each other for 2 weeks.
2 weeks later he texts me saying he broke up with his gf and would like to ask me out. I of course say yes and we go on a first date. For the next month, we go on dates and seem to have a good time. i take things slow, knowing he is fresh out of a 4 year relationship with his ex. during this time, i’m also told that he was very unhappy in his previous relationship and that his ex was an emotionally abusive and overbearing girl. at the end of the month, he promptly stops communicating with me and disappears.
i was very upset but realize it was too soon after his break up and move on. i start dating other guys and start recieving apologetic and drunk texts from him 3 months later. he says he is sorry and that he was an idiot and he misses me terribly. after teasing him some, i encourage him to meet me for coffee so we can talk things out.
we meet and he apologizes profusely for his poor behavior. i ask him what happened. he said he didn’t realize he still had feelings for his ex-gf. i asked if he wanted her back. he said no, that they had grown apart and wanted different things. i asked if he has feelings for her still. he said the love will always be there. i say it makes sense to feel that way after a tough break up. he says he wants to try again. i say okay, but we can take it slow.
we start dating again for a short while and go on a about 5 dates when he stops contacting me again. i give him 2 weeks to contact me on his own and when he doesn’t i pick up the phone and call him. he responds. i blast him and am furious that he is doing this to me again. he is apologizing and telling me he didn’t realize he would feel this way again and that would miss his ex and have feelings for her still.
i’m devastated and ask him to never speak to me again.
i delete his number and block him from all my social media. i withdraw and try to heal myself for the rest of the year. he still keeps drunk dialing and texting me but i ignore them. 3 months pass and he starts texting me again. we continue talking via text for the next 3 months growing progressively closer. he asks me out and its july 2013. despite all the warnings from friends and family, i say yes.
things start off smoothly this time. i don’t regret giving him the 3 shots since he is, as i expected, a wonderful wonderful guy who seemed to be in a really bad place 2 sumers ago now. even though he is pretty much the perfect bf now, even having eagerly proposed to me, i still find myself wondering if i did the right thing letting him in 3 times. i’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop and am paranoid that he will leave me again when things appear inconvinient for him. despite the past year of good behavior, im scarred by my early experiences with him and resent him for how for the first part of our knowing each other, i wasn’t his first choice. i feel like he settled for me because the other girl got away and feel ashamed that i now am about to spend the rest of myself with someone who once treated me so poorly,
how should i cope with these feelings? as you can tell, i really do love him and don;t want to lose him. i do find myself bitterly resentful for how he treated me that first year and kind of wish he didn’t get to have me so easily after the pain he caused me.