(Closed) About to talk to my brother: Last opinions?!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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@Payless:  Do you have any other military wife friends who have sons the same age? Maybe some “family dinners” together (before or after deployment) could help him make friends and you get some support. You’re pretty much going to be acting as a single mom for a while, so support will be helpful. 

Post # 19
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7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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@Payless:  I think it’s going to be really good for both of you. I mean, I know I don’t know you, but having followed your posts about this I think you’re already a parent/authority figure in his life and he trusts you. He’s practically an adult, so as long as he feels safe and loved (which good, clear rules will help with a lot!) he shouldn’t take too much babysitting. I’m sending prayers and positive thoughts & bright shiny light your way. 

Post # 21
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee

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@Payless:  good luck with your brother. And dont hesitate to ask for more advice if needed 🙂

Post # 22
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@Payless:  no advice on parenting since I am not a mom nor have I been in your shoes, but I just wanted to say your brother is so lucky to have you and your husband as stable adults in his life. You’re an awesome sister!

Post # 23
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Good luck!! I think you taking him is the best option, and it seems like you’re on the right track in terms of gently establishing appropriate boundaries.

On the legal side of things, I skimmed your previous threads but didn’t see anything about your mom signing over any legal authority to you.  She says she will pay for any medical expenses (although who knows if she would) but the payment isn’t the issue, the consent is.  If you are only an informal guardian, you cannot consent for him for medical proceedures or for things like therapy (which it sounds like might be good for him), as well as things like getting him signed up for school.  She can keep her parental rights, but still sign over certain authority to you, which is really important if you will be the only one there on a day-to-day basis. 

Post # 24
Member
1998 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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@Payless:  I have nothing to add to what the other wonderful ladies have written, I just wanted to say I think you’re on the right track here. I’m sure your brother will be able to understand that there need to be rules in order for your living arrangement to work out and it’s a great idea that you’ll discuss them with him. This way, the whole thing will feel more like a “contract between adults”, if you will, so I think he’ll be more likely to follow your rules if he knows he had a hand in putting them in place. 

You’re such a warm and loving person and such a great sister that I doubt he’ll want to do something that will get you in trouble or make you sad anyway. I have a really good feeling about this 🙂 

I hope your talk goes well! *hugs* 

Post # 25
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t have anything to offer, but I think this is so generous of you and Mr. Payless to do.. He is certainly lucky to have people like you in his life.

Post # 26
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

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@Payless:  The only thing I would add is dicussing consequences. It’s best to come up with rules and also what will happen if he breaks the rules. Have him be apart of the process to decide what the punishments should be–obviously he doesnt have final say, but I’ve heard often times kids will come up with more strict punishments.

The other advantage of doing this up front is once he breaks a rule, it’s not about you coming up something he thinks is arbritrary. Also, it’s not YOU giving him the punishment, it’s the LIST.

Good Luck and you are a very special, strong woman for doing this!

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