(Closed) Absent Bridesmaid!?!?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do about an absent bridesmaid?

    just leave it and enjoy her company on the day

    Ask her to come a few days before the wedding

    Talk to her about the situation

  • Post # 2
    532 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013


    Miss2Mrs0915:  Yes, you are wrong for being upset. My advice to you would be to be greatful she’s traveling in from another country to be with you on your wedding day.

    Post # 3
    10283 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    You expected her to fly in from another country for your shower and dress fitting? Wow. That’s way out of line. Were you paying for the tickets? 

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by BalletParker.
    Post # 4
    1051 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

    8 months out is pretty far out.  And expecting her to fly from another country for showers and fittings is a little ridic.  All you should be concerned with is that she’s coming for the important bit – your wedding day.  

    Post # 5
    312 posts
    Helper bee

    Was she not in school when she accepted? Maybe she thought before hand it shouldn’t be a problem but now that she is in school she has realized it is a problem. Do you think it might be a financial issue that she doesn’t want to admit? Could you help her pay her plane ticket?


    Yea it does suck, but I think 8 months is plenty of heads up and she also needs to focus on her own life and future. 


    Edit: OOps! I misread! If she is still coming back for the wedding I certainly wouldn’t worry about her not being there for the fitting and so on. Send her pictures and share the happiness, but don’t expect her to spend all the time and money to fly out for that!

    Post # 6
    30401 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    You can be as upset as you choose and still be wrong. You can’t seriously expect that she is going to fly in 3 times -for fitting, shower and wedding!

    The only reasonable expectation is that she will be there for the wedding. There are several ways you can handle the fitting of her dress- book a seamstress for her for a last minute fitting and alterations when she arrives for the wedding; mail her the dress so she  can get fitted where she lives etc

    Post # 7
    4 posts

    I definitely don’t think you are wrong in being upset. She should have declined from the beginning, just like you said, or found some way to make it work. It just seems inconsiderate of her to not take it more seriously. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people originally say they’ll be there for you and then end up changing their mind. 

    Post # 8
    921 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    Miss2Mrs0915:  I think it’s pretty ridiculous to expect her to fly in for anything other than the wedding. 

    Post # 9
    1099 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I think it would be reasonable to ask (not demand) if she can get there the day before for the rehearsal. Other than that, and getting her own dress tailored in her country, I don’t think it is reasonable to ask for more. 

    Post # 10
    1253 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    The only thing that you should ask that she is in attendance for is the wedding, which she still is planning on doing.  If you want her to be at the shower and around for other events, maybe you could Skype or Facetime with her.  I dont know where you are vs where she is but international flights can’t be cheap. 

    Post # 11
    1754 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    View original reply
    Miss2Mrs0915:  Her only responsibility is to show up on your wedding day in the dress that you’ve asked her to wear. 

    The fact that she is literally flying to another country just to attend your wedding even though she’s away and busy at school is incredibly generous of her and a testament to her close friendship with you.

    You cannot realistically expect this friend to fly in more than once to attend events that she is in no way obligated to attend even if she is a Bridesmaid or Best Man. 

    I would say nothing about this to this friend if you value your friendship. I live in a different state than most of my friends because I went off to graduate school. If a friend made me feel bad for not spending money I don’t have to attend events that are not mandatory while missing school work that is critical to my future, that friendship would likely not last very long.

    Post # 12
    925 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I agree with (most) PP’s. Maybe she shouldn’t have said she’d be back for the fitting and shower, but it’s ridiculous to expect her to do so in the first place. Not only is she in another country, but she’s there for school. My guess is that her schooling and her future come before your wedding in her life. And that’s how it should be. If her being in your wedding was that important to you, you could have planned for the bridesmaids to wear mismatched dresses so that she could get a dress where she’s living on her own timeline.

    Post # 14
    4044 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    Miss2Mrs0915:  Leave it alone, youre being slightly ridiculous. I had a Bridesmaid or Best Man who did nothing but attend the wedding because she lives across the country. Sure it was sucky that she didnt attend the other stuff because I missed her, but how can you expect her to? Honestly, I’m kind of happy because now when she gets married, I wont feel pressured to attend everything. 

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