(Closed) Absent father…walking alone

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

sending you hugs because no child should have her heart trampled like that – it was cruel and very wrong what your dad and his wife did you to

if you choose your Father-In-Law or no one – remind yourself you wont be “walking alone” because there will be a room full of people that love and support you

 

Post # 4
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’m so sorry that happened to you 🙁

I will say that I walked halfway down the aisle with family and then the rest of the way by myself.  The walk by myself was SO SO empowering.  Everyone commented about the intensity and beauty of the moment.  It made me wish I had done the whole thing by myself in some ways!

Regardless, I hope your heart is healing for what your father did… He must have some really deep seated issues to have done that to you.

Post # 5
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

Wow…I’m sorry…My “real” dad did me the same way…I was about the same age when he told me he would be taking me home because I did not respect his wife enough to meet her at the door and talk to her everyday…I was a shy kid..neither one of them ever did anything to make me feel comfortable when I stayed with them…it was so lonely most times…I do not blame her..her and my dad are divorced and she calls and checks up on me and my son all the time…but I know my dad made the choice ot act the way he did then and how he does now…..on my wedding day my Mother or my grandfather will be walking me down because like you I feel that my dad will never have that privilege to walk his oldest daughter down the aisle….

Post # 6
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Definite hugs!  My father was also absentee & I haven’t had any contact with him for about 7 years (and very little in the 21 years before that).  My first choice for walking me down the aisle was my mother–but she will be officiating instead.  My great-uncle, who has done a lot for me was going to walk me down the aisle, but b/c of recent hip surgery, he may not be physically able to.  

So….it looks like I might be walking myself as well.  I don’t have a problem with that.  I feel the lack of father/daughter dance will be more awkward, esp since my Fiance will be dancing with his mother.  Cest la vie!  

Definitely no problem in walking yourself down the aisle!  If you have someone else in your life that has played that “father” role for you–even if it’s your mother!–I think you should feel free to ask them.  I am sure that they will feel flattered to play such a significant role in your special day!

Post # 7
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sorry about how your dad treated you during your lifetime; we can pick our friends but not our relatives, unfortunately!  You gave it more than many would have bothered doing, and I’m glad that you’ve decided to move on in acceptance.  There’s nothing wrong with walking yourself down the aisle 🙂  With that said, my dad passed away several years ago and my sister is having her best friend walk her down the aisle at her wedding this fall.  It’s your wedding, and you can personalize it however you want to.  Congratulations and best wishes to you and your FH.

Post # 8
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

**hugs**

My parents had been together for ten years and then a few months after I was born, he left me and my mom. He didn’t want children and found me to be a burden so I totally know how you feel.

I actually wanted to walk down the aisle by myself but my mother had a fit and told me that someone had to walk me down the aisle so she took it upon herself to ask my godfather if he would walk me down and of course he said yes.

It makes me sad that my own father never loved me and that he’s not going to be there to walk me down the aisle or have a father-daughter dance (I REFUSE to do a godfather-daughter dance b/c I think it’s awkward and I am very sensitive about the fact that I don’t have a father)

I thought that I was the only one who felt this way and in this situation.

Post # 9
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

wow im so sorry you have to go through this with your dad.  My dad passed away when I was 3, I dont remember him at all but wish I did, and I always envy other people that have dads and always tell them how lucky they are.  I cant believe your dad forwarded back all the cards and never returned your call, I would never be able to sleep at night if I did that to my children.  Can you have your mother walk you down the aisle, my mother raised me since my dad passed and I couldnt think of anyone else to give me away.  

Post # 10
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I completely understand here, and I’m really sorry you had to go through all that. I also have an absent father, with some pretty deep-seated issues, and I’ve had a really difficult time planning my wedding (especially reception) with all of that hanging over my head. Like many of the posters here, I am really sensitive about the fact that I don’t have a dad to do any of these traditional things with me. I grew up with my mom and older brother, so they will be walking me down the aisle, which is really exciting for me and feels totally natural. But I am absolutely dreading the reception, where I won’t have a father/daughter dance, and feel like it’s just fake or glazing over the issue to dance with someone else, or have some kind of a replacement “event.” Phew.

Suffice it to say that I’m sorry you’ve all gone through this type of situation too, but I’m glad I’m not the only one. It seems like no one really gets how big a deal it is unless you’ve gone through it.

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