(Closed) Absolutely gutted right now

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Okay, so first things first, poor Brian. It isn’t his fault this his girlfriend has trust issues and you got mad at him. Not only is he having to stop being friends with one of his best friends but you are mad at him for it.

Second, yes, Jenny is being a crazy girl but you got that pissed at her for it? Just talk to her and be open about how you are feeling. I doubt there is no reason for why she is feeling like this. Have you ever flirted with her boyfriends in the past? Has there every been a guy that she liked that you ended up dating? And maybe not even you, maybe it was a different friend that made her feel like she needed to act like this.

Relax, take a deep breath. This is not a reason to kick them out of your wedding. If I were you, I would get them both together with you and talk about it. Get it out in the open.

Post # 4
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

This is a tough one… I’d be upset too. I’m really sorry your in this situation, and even more sorry I don’t have anything helpful to say 🙁

Post # 5
Member
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Um yah, I would be pissed and confront Jenny ASAP.  That is total bullshit.  If she can’t handle the long distance relationship, she shouldn’t be in one.  It sounds to me that she doesn’t trust Brian around you, not the other way around.

Post # 6
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I was in the same situation- except I was the girlfriend.  It made me very uncomfortable to have my Fiance hanging out with his best girl friend…. so I asked him to stop.  Emotions were high, but now all parties agree it was for the best.  Best girl friend was taking away some of the friendship aspect of my relationship with FI- there can only be one #1 girl in a mans life!  Put yourself in her shoes.  This doesn’t mean you can’t hang out in groups, or with your Fiance.  

 

Isn’t this more appropriate in the long run? 

Post # 7
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d definitely be insulted yes. Maybe she has some trust issues not directly related to you. Unfortunately you dont know if Brian has ever done anything inappropriate that could cause her mistrust. 

Talk to Jenny yes. But i wouldn’t immediately kick them out.  Sounds like it can be worked out with a bit of honesty all around. 

Post # 8
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2005

I would be apalled.  I AM apalled, on your behalf.  She seriously asked one of your best friends to break up with you when you’re the whole reason they met in the first place?  And then he just did it…?

Assuming you still want this pathetic person as a friend, I agree, collect yourself so that you can speak calmly and rationally, but then call her out, and do not pull punches.  Let her know how hurt you are, how much Brian’s friendship and her friendship has meant to you, and what an incredible betrayal this is.

I don’t even know you, and I am sitting here seething.  This may not be good advice, but if she is anything less than 100% apologetic, I would tell them both off and then cut them out.

Disgusting!

Post # 9
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2011

wow…thankfully i have never been in this situation but i can completely understand why you feel hurt, even betrayed…i definately think that you should contact “Jenny” and ask her what is going on with her feeling that way, especially if she knows that you and “Brian” are long time friends and for god sakes your getting MARRIED…either way talk to her and goodluck with your friendship with Brian too..

Post # 10
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@betrayedfriend:  I’m going to play the devil’s advocate here and say I’d have to agree with Jenny. I was BFF with one of the guys I went to high school with. We did everything together but never had any romantic feelings for each other. Fast forward 7 years later and we talk, but not as frequently as we used to and we never hang out just one on one. Once you are in a relationship/engagement/marriage, I don’t think it’s ever appropriate to hang around a member of the opposite sex just the two of you. Boundaries come with relationships and this is one of them. I think it’s a bit silly to kick them both out of your wedding. If they’re that important to you, you’ll accept Jenny’s wishes, but it doesn’t mean you have to be ok with it.

ETA – I should clarify; I agree with Jenny’s feelings, BUT I don’t agree with how she handled the situation. She definitely should’ve approached you instead of sending the messenger.

Post # 11
Member
21 posts
Newbee

WOW and these are grownups….okay. I would be pissed too. Once you cool off I think its time to have a conversation with everyone involved maybe a skype or google+ hangout and air everything. Is it possible that he may now have or have had feelings for you in the past? If possible I can see why she may be skittish. Although I don’t agree with the notion of telling people you’re in a relationship with who they can be friends with ESPECIALLY when the friend pre dated you.  Best of luck with everything. I also would make no sudden moves on excluding them from the bridal party, some open communication can restore things to like new. 

Post # 12
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I know you have never been interested in Brian “that way” but are you positive Brian has also felt the same way all this time?

Don’t get me wrong, you could be completely right in your assumptions, but I have to wonder if there are things that Brian might be saying to his girlfriend that she’s picking up on and its making her feel threatened?

Post # 13
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

Is it possible for the four of you to get together and talk this through.  It does sound really weird but perhaps Jenny just needs some reassurance.

I think it is important that Brian sees how wrong it is of him to go along with her though.

But talking about it face to face and all together should clear the air.

Post # 14
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t know….some women firmly believe that when they get in serious relationships, neither them nor their SO’s should hang out with members of the opposite sex alone. I’m one of them and so is my BFF’s wife.  Before he started dating her, we did everything together.  I’ve been friends with him for literally 21 years.  When they started getting serious, I noticed that he started backing away from things that were just the two of us and I gracefully accepted that.  Now, when we see each other, it’s usually in couples, or I’ll go out to dinner with him and his wife.  

It would have been nice if Jenny had a conversation with you discussing her views, but perhaps she felt awkward doing so knowing that if it wasn’t for you, they wouldn’t have gotten together.

Post # 15
Member
680 posts
Busy bee

Are you overreacting? Yes. Would I be hurt too? No. And I’ll explain why.

As much as you may think otherwise, this has nothing to do with you personally. It has nothing to do with not trusting you or him. I am from the pool thinking that “Jenny” is obviously from. In my view, men and women who are heterosexual cannot have truly platonic relationships. I have yet to see it done successfully. I have yet to see men and women who are friends not flirt or be a bit too close for comfort in some situations. I don’t like saying it can’t happen, but I’m skeptical. 

I guarantee that Brian having ANY close female heterosexual friends makes her uncomfortable. She probably doesn’t think he’d actually cheat on her with you. She probably just thinks its inappropriate for the two of you to be alone on what appears to the ignorant eye to be a date (and honestly, I agree with her). It’s more of a respect for the bounds of their intimate relationship thing. She probably feels a bit jealous (even though I hate using that word for this) that he is perhaps confiding in you about their relationship or otherwise about his life when she wants him to do that with her. And she has every right to be that way and he has every right to do what he wants as well. Perhaps…just perhaps…there is something about Brian’s feelings toward you that maybe you don’t know about and she does? Just a thought.

If Brian is serious about Jenny, he’s going to choose Jenny over you and that’s the way it should be. There is nothing to get super upset over. I understand you are feeling hurt about this but it honestly isn’t that big of a deal. Your relationships will just change and grow and that is ok. I don’t think you both should kick them out of the wedding over this. I don’t think Jenny is being malicious at all. I think she is like many women and is staking out her territory, so to speak. 

Post # 16
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@betrayedfriend:  This is sooooo not about you and totally about Jenny’s insecurity and trust issues….and I get that you are totally insulted by the thought of being such a ravenous sex fiend that even a moment’s time alone with another man will result in you tearing both your clothes off and mounting him right there in your booth at Chili’s in front of God, King & Country…but honestly…we all know that’s totally ridiculous, you know it, your Fiance knows it and Brian knows it….but since Jenny has decided to make a thing out of this you have two choices…you can accept it, which I think is crap, or you can call her and ask exactly what her problem is and just when exactly her issues became so monumentally important that they would circumvent and control relationships that have existed in happy symbiosis LONG before she knew if Brian was a boxers or briefs kind of guy.

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