(Closed) Absolutely gutted right now

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 212
Member
2357 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t know- insecurity is an awful thing. She can trust that he won’t cheat on her since it sounds like that’s never been the problem. But can she trust that she is his first choice and if she can’t- can she live with that? You know, it’s possible all of us are married or engaged to a guy that considers us the secondary love of his life, but most of us have the luxury of not being told to our faces that is the case. You can’t unring that bell. (And I realize those may not have been brians choice of words, I’m basing that on how Jenny told you she feels). Good luck and I hope it all works out for the best.

Post # 214
Member
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@betrayedfriend:  Unfortunately, I think the best thing you can do at the moment is take a giant step back.  Let them figure it out and tell you what the outcome is.  Not that you are overly involved in their relationship – you aren’t.  I just think they need to solve their own issues and not drag you down in the process.

Post # 215
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@betrayedfriend:  Definitely! I think his actions – not acting on his feelings for you – have indeed shown that he’s trustworthy, and I think his request that you two not spend time alone, however badly executed and easily misinterpreted, was also an attempt to show her that he wants to make their relationship a priority.

I’m so sorry you’re all going through this! This can’t be easy for anybody.

Post # 216
Member
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

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@betrayedfriend:  Oh honey….this is awful, just awful…but totally not your fault, not anyone’s if we’re being honest about it….and I just want to tell you what an amazing friend you are, getting so very upset over this whole thing, you have such a great big heart, I would hug you and then proceed to get you quite drunk if I could.

But let’s get down to business, shall we?

First, everyone needs to calm right down about this whole thing, I get that our midnight confessions were a couple of neck breakers, but the unexamined life it not worth living…so let’s take a closer look in the light of day.

Jenny – She gets to be upset, she’s totally in line with that, and if anyone has one handy, give that woman a medal…that sucks having to carry on with a man you think loves someone else.

Brian – Suffers from Foot In Mouth Disease…someone go tell that man to SHUT UP NEXT TIME because in this instance I think what he said, and what he meant may not have been the exact same thing…I’m sure you are a beautiful, attractive, intelligent woman and any man would give his right arm to call you his…including Brian…or so he thinks…I honestly think it’s not so much you he’s attracted to as much as the hyperbolized fantasy of the idealized woman you represent….

I mean…initially he was likely very attracted to you, but after a failure to take things between you to the next level, he elected to accept a friendship with you instead…and I don’t care how close of friends you are, it would be VERY easy to see a person who you think is flawless, lovely and everything you want…because he doesn’t have to see you in the morning when you wake up and your hair looks like a bundle of bent coat hangers…he’s never seen you crying over a toilet with the flu while you dry heave and sob because it’s Valentine’s Day and you feel like a Holy Retch Monster, never watched you throw everything out of the fridge onto the front lawn because you feel like his way of arranging the fridge is a communist coup against yogurt…that stuff hasn’t happened, because the stakes aren’t that hight.

And since the stakes aren’t that high, it’s a more appealing relationship to put his energy to because the investment is minimal and returns favorable….so yeah, he’s totally blown you and all your charms into something that no woman, not even a hybrid of Marilyn Monroe, and Doris Day with legs up to her chin and an ass that won’t quit could live up to.

Honestly, it’s good that it all came out, you are an amazing friend, you didn’t do anything wrong and it’s not some unrequited love…it’s really just a man with a fantasy that happens to be based on you that’s mucking things up…

This will all calm down if you do, and whatever happens between Jenny and Brian, it’s not because of anything you did wrong.  A relationship can still flourish out of this tempest, just give them some time and maybe a little insight…

Post # 217
Member
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@Nona99:  YES.  Well said.  

 

THIS:

 

Honestly, it’s good that it all came out, you are an amazing friend, you didn’t do anything wrong and it’s not some unrequited love…it’s really just a man with a fantasy that happens to be based on you that’s mucking things up..

Post # 218
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@betrayedfriend:  just read all of your updates.  what an awkward, awkward situation.  i feel for all parties involved!

Post # 219
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee

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@Nona99:  Ah, thank you. You’ve put what I was trying to say earlier so beautifully and clearly, as you always do.

Post # 220
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

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@Jacqui90:  Glad I’m not the only one. 🙂

Post # 222
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@betrayedfriend:  Wow…OP I keep coming back to this thread and you impress me everytime.

Post # 223
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee

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@betrayedfriend:  From the sum of your posts, I think it’s clear to everyone that you, Jenny, and Brian are good people. Good, decent human beings. And I think that things will work out in the end for everyone because of the love and caring you share for one another, despite what happened in the past. I don’t want to be trite, but time does heal all wounds. Best to you.

Post # 225
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

@betrayedfriend:  A lot of posters are upset with Brian for telling Jenny that he had feelings for you.  But, they have been dating for over a year and it only came out when Jenny pressed him on the issue in a very heated arguement.  I think in time the two of these nice people could make it work. They both obviously care for each other, BUT if neither of them are willing to move to be with the other, I’m not sure how much longer this relationship can last.  Long term distance relationships are tough, add to that the fact that Jenny is insecure about Brian’s feelings for you, well it is tough to be optimistic about the future of their relationship.  Do you think in time one of them would be willing to move to be with the other?

Post # 226
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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@joya_aspera:  Dunno about the males in your life, but this doesn’t apply to mine. You’re assuming a lot about half the population based on gender alone. Again, no disrespect and I apologize if I’m coming off a bit harsh (can’t convcey tone over text and all). I do agree that generally this scenario may be apt to play out and be the one you hear about, but I don’t really believe it’s for everyone. 🙂

OP, I feel for you right now. Your situation seems like it is incredibly awkward and I wish you the best.

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