(Closed) Absolutely livid with MIL

posted 4 weeks ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
898 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

What the flip flying fudge? I would lose my ever loving mind at that woman. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that boatload of crazy. I would 100% have my husband inform his mother that it is not her child and her input is not required unless asked. Sending strength for the remainder of her trip. On the bright side there’s only 2.5 more weeks to go!

Post # 3
Member
9043 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Oh god, she sounds horrible! So sorry you are dealing with this! I actually really like my Mother-In-Law, she’s a lovely person but three weeks with her would still be too much. I don’t think I’d let anyone stay that long with me!

Post # 4
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

lifeisbeeutiful :  A lot of the things your Mother-In-Law is doing sound really alarming to me, like actually dangerous to your daughter (laying her on the backseat instead of putting her in her carseat? Overheating her? Putting her down for a nap on a high surface she could roll off of?!). Your husband needs to step up and lay down the law with his mother. If he can’t/won’t, then I think you will have to. She should not be allowed to be alone with the baby. I hope he doesn’t use the cultural differences as an excuse – that would drive me nuts. Sorry I don’t have much advice, but lots of sympathy! Sounds like a case for DWIL nation.

Post # 5
Member
2273 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

3 weeks is a long time for anyone to stay with you, especially someone who you don’t like. I’m sorry, and from your post I can definitely understand your frustration, she sounds bat shit crazy. Hugs mama. I would definitely tell your husband exactly how your feeling and have him talk to his mom. He needs to support you and have your back, which it doesn’t really sound like he’s doing. You have a newborn and she’s putting a lot of unnecessary stress on you. 

Post # 6
Member
6043 posts
Bee Keeper

lifeisbeeutiful :  oh fuuuuuuuuuuuuck no. No no no. I would tell my husband either she goes to a hotel RIGHT NOW or you and the baby are going instead. My Mother-In-Law was nowhere near that awful when my daughter was born and I still kicked her out and we didn’t even speak on the phone to her for a week because of her overbearing behavior. 

Also – I believe that anyone who wastes a new mother’s breastmilk is seriously lucky if they aren’t murdered on the spot. You’re working hard for that liquid gold! I don’t think I will ever let my husband live down the time he wasted an ounce of my breastmilk when he failed to listen to my instructions for bottle feeding (although I had very low supply to start and it took me 8 sessions in one day to pump that one ounce so I was even more sensitive about it)

Post # 7
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

Honestly, I would book a hotel room for her and force her to stay there. Tell her she’s not allowed to stay in your house any longer because she’s endangering the baby. Overheating and sleeping on a surface that’s not safe are risk factors for SIDS, as I’m sure you know. She sounds very old-fashioned and seems to reject all the research that’s been done in the last 40 years on vaccines, car seats, and safe sleep environments for babies. So if I were you, I’d be kicking her out of my house ASAP.

Post # 8
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Oh my word. I’d be livid about the milk. It’s super hard for me to pump… so wasting two bags when I’m home would make me cry when I’m not post partum. 

The best thing about my divorce was losing the mother in law. She called me at 1 am… 9 hours after giving birth while I was in the hospital and woke me out of my first sleep to tell me I was psychologically damaging her grand child. Because the baby had severe jaundice and had to be under the bili light. Per dr orders. The last time she was ever allowed to watch them alone, she left my one and three year old asleep in her car in the parking lot and came inside to eat at a restaurant. 

 

Post # 9
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

LilliV :  oh fuuuuuuuuuuuuck no. No no no. I would tell my husband either she goes to a hotel RIGHT NOW or you and the baby are going instead

 

I was coming to post the same thing. I wouldn’t want to host my own lovely non overbearing mother for 3 weeks, let alone a boundary crossing, ill informed but still highly opinionated mother in law. Yikes.

Post # 10
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

This is ridiculous. 

It sounds like you need to get used to saying “No”  and “This is not up for negotiation” often with this Mother-In-Law.  It also sounds like you need to clarify for your husband that he might be his mother’s child, but that this baby is YOUR child.  What you say about milk/ pumping goes, unless he grows breasts that can provide milk. 

No more unsupervised time with baby, since she can’t follow basic common sense.

If Mother-In-Law does one more dangerous thing with the baby in your presence, kick her out.  You do not need to explain to people that you’re not going to tolerate them endagering your infant.

 

Post # 11
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

lifeisbeeutiful :  holy shit. I have no words. No words. 2 weeks old…she’s supposed to be HELPING YOU and she is ruining your postpartum bonding period with your newborn. Holy freakin shit batman. 3 weeks will be hell. She needs to go. The dumping of the breast milk straight up flabbergasted me.

Post # 12
Member
2054 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I don’t have kids. But that woman would be a in a hotel and not allowed to touch my child after that. 

She’s not listening to you. F what she wants or thinks. Get her out of your house. 

Post # 13
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Your Darling Husband needs to get her a hotel room immediately! You will look back and have so many angry and resentful feelings on this special time if you don’t get her out now.

Post # 14
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Your feelings come first, not your mother in law’s.

Post # 15
Member
1151 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly it’s really dissapponting to hear you aren’t standing up for your child more. Why when your Mil turns the heat up or put a blanket on her do you not turn the heat back down, remove the blanket and say, “no. We aren’t turning up the heat and piling blankets on baby because that isn’t what I her mother think is best. Do not do it again” she puts a diaper on the baby’s face you immediately take the child away from her and tell her, “ I don’t want to see you do that again, it is not safe or appropriate.” 

STAND UP FOR YOUR CHILD!! If she tries to argue with you after you tell her no then you pack up and take your child and go to a hotel until she leaves. Make plans every day for the rest of her trip to be doing things out of the house without mil. Have your husband present when mil is around. Next time mil can’t visit unless your husband takes vacation time to be there with you to handle her. Go to DWIL nation and get advice there. 

Your child needs you. Stop letting your mil endanger your baby. 

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