(Closed) Abstinence before the wedding???

posted 9 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: If you were to abstain before the wedding, how long would you be prepared to do it?

    a couple of nights

    one week

    a couple of weeks

    one month

    a couple of months

    6 months

    one year

    No sex EVER until we're married.

  • Post # 17
    Member
    13094 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Honestly, I’ve never really understood the point in this.  DH and I were living together and having sex before the wedding.  We didn’t abstain at all before the wedding and still had mind-blowing sex that was particularly better than normal on our wedding night.

    Post # 18
    Member
    2495 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    DH and I waited until we were married for a variety of reasons, but we also didn’t have sex before either.  I think once you start, it’s significantly harder to stop, and I think that’s actually a good thing.  It shows that you bonded as a couple and sex brings you together, making you stronger.  It’s a very healthy part of your relationship, and to start it, just to stop it is very, very hard.

    It’s very possible, but you must make sure that you’re on board and that you both want this.  It sounds like you’re kind of eh on the whole thing, so it may not be right for you.  It’s up to you as a couple if you want to, for how long, and for what reasons.  If it’s going to make you stronger as a couple, do it.  If it’s going to cause more stress, I wouldn’t.

    Post # 19
    Member
    1476 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    My fiance and I aren’t rabbits, but we wouldn’t be able to do this. Due to being around family non-stop right before the wedding, we probably won’t have sex a few days before. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    63 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Fiance and I are planning on abstaining for about 2-4 weeks before the wedding. She has spent the last 6 months deployed overseas so I would feel awful if I cut her off for any longer period of time.

    My brother-in-law and his wife abstained for about 5 weeks before the wedding. 

    I personally think 4-8 weeks is not unreasonable.

    Post # 21
    Member
    3216 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    View original reply
    @KatyElle: I totally agree. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    6400 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I really don’t see the point at all. I’ve had sex with my OH thousands of times, abstaining for a few weeks/months won’t make married sex any more ‘special’. But then I’ve never seen sex as an emotional thing, only as a way of satisfying a physical urge/need, so maybe that’s partly why I feel as I do

    As far as abstaining to ‘test’ your relationship goes, I find this odd in all honesty. I also don’t think that choosing to abstain for a year (ie making a joint decision) will at all prepare you for, say, you losing your sex drive after having children, or him going off sex for months due to stress at work, because in those cases, one person has gone off sex while the other hasn’t, and this is usually what causes issues: not both people finding their libidos lessen with time, which is normal and which won’t break many couples up. So I’m not convinced of the logic of choosing to abstain for this reason. I also think that if sex is genuinely at the fore-front of your relationship, and communication is an issue, then again, abstaining won’t help; you should still be able to have a healthy and fun sex life while also maintaining an all-round healthy, solid relationship, I don’t really get the idea that lots of sex = weaker relationship, it shouldn’t be one or the other.

    The topic ‘Abstinence before the wedding???’ is closed to new replies.

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