- 4 months ago
- Wedding: November 2010
Spinning this off from the strangulation thread. Are any Survivor Bees comfortable sharing some red flags they missed early on in their relationships with their abusers? Or things you know now we’re red flags? Did you get any pings from your intuition that you ignored?
There were a few with my exh. We met online and we had a couple of phone calls before we met. One stood out in my mind. As I was driving down the freeway, we were chatting about who knows what, very friendly, he was trying to be flirtatious. And he said: Just wait till I get my meat hooks into you.
I hated it. I didn’t like the imagery at all. And it seemed much too possessive from someone I had not even met. But, I let it go. Because I didn’t expect our date to go anywhere. I didn’t see us as a good match, intellectually. We had nothing in common. It was just an opportunity to go out and hopefully have a nice time with someone new, nothing potentially serious.
I have learned that that is the downfall of many women. I didn’t think it would be anything serious.
Unfortunately, we had crazy chemistry and attraction.
He lived about an hour away and started coming up to see me. It did not take long for him to start griping about the long drive with him having to get up so early for work. He wanted me to come to him. That didn’t feel right to me as an all the time thing.
Not to worry! Mr Fixit has the perfect solution! I should just move in with him! This was right about the third time we got together. The rush for quick commitment.
He had his kids every weekend. So the weekend after we met, we couldn’t see each other. Fair enough. We stayed in touch via IM. He called to let me know he was totally miserable because I wasn’t there.
You’re miserable because you’re with your own children?
Again, I back burnered it. He did turn out to be a terrible father, but I thought that as Super Stepmom I could fix that.
Then there was the hateful way he talked about his ex w. Later, they would team up against me.
His relationship with his ex gf was concerning, I nearly dumped him over that but he talked me out of it. Classic narcissistic triangulation.
I could go on. The red flags can be subtle or they can be huge. I had people around me congratulating me on what a wonderful, doting guy I had. It can be very confusing.