(Closed) Abusive SIL hurting r/ship with ILs

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2152 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Wow, this sounds like a rough situation.  Might I suggest that when you go to visit them, you and your DH just get a hotel room for the weekend?  That way you are still able to go and visit during the day, but when it gets to be too much you will always have a place to go to where you can be alone.  Or perhaps offer to put his parents up in a hotel if they were to come visit you.  This way they will have a place to stay, and SIL can stay back home and won’t taint the visit.

It would be a shame if your DH were to start drifting too far from his family, so I really hope you guys work out a solution!

Post # 4
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think you and DH should sit down with the entire family and have a serious conversation about this situation. Tell SIL that the rude and malicious behavior stops IMMEDIATELY or that you will cut contact with her and that you and DH won’t be to blame. You need the ILs on your side if you want her to change her immature ways and if she genuinely cares, she will care that she is straining the relationship between her brother and her parents. It’s not okay to justify someone’s catty attitude “because that’s they way they are” and her family needs to address this. If you don’t put your foot down and keep it down, it will never change. Good luck!

Post # 5
354 posts
Helper bee

Please don’t take offense, but is she mentally unstable?  She sounds a bit out of control.  Does she work and if so, can she control this behavior at work?  If she can, that proves that it is just her being spoiled by her family saying “that’s how she is”.  If this is the case, you could point that fact out to the family and hopefully they can realize she is just ‘working’ them for attention.  Good luck and stick to your guns about not being treated that way.  You are right here, and you know it.

Post # 6
383 posts
Helper bee

I’m afraid insane sisters is something I’m experiencing too.  My SO’s sister is undoubtedly a sociopath with mental issues.  She’s much older than your lovely SIL, so she’s a lot better at it.  It’s kind of all ‘back-handed’ and shrouded in niceness.  I’d rather you just tell me you hate me and think I’m a bitch.  UGH!  I do think yours is also mentally unstable.  Do not let her drama become your drama.  Don’t allow her “energy” into your life.  I know that sounds easier said than done  but you can’t change a nutbag…..just change how you react to them.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.  I feel your pain. 

I’ll give you my first glimpse into my SO’s crazy sister.  I met her about two years ago.  She came to stay along with her husband and their two sons.  It was close to my guy’s birthday and so she said to me, just to me…we were alone, “so what are you getting X for his birthday.”  And, so I told her that I had racked my brain and decided to get him a pot rack for his kitchen.  He loves to cook and has tons of pots. 

So, she was  like “oh, he’ll love that.”

Then, I left to go back home to take care of my animals.  When I returned that night to have dinner with everyone, GUESS WHAT she had bought him? 

You guessed it – a pot rack.  She was so nervous.  Met me at the door.  Said “I feel like I’ve cheated on you.”

Just one of my example of insanity…that being a lame one just to “get my feet wet.”



Post # 8
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

OP, did you marry into the same family I’m about to?! Lol! I am happy that there is someone on here who can finally relate to me, but I am not happy you’re having to deal with this.  It sucks.  I know.  Just imagine having to live with your evil SIL.  Yeahh.  The tantrums, pity parties, and self-centeredness are all apart of daily life with the Future Sister-In-Law.  Last week, Future Mother-In-Law and I went to Wal-Mart together.  Future Sister-In-Law called and asked where we were.  She’d just been told ten minutes prior that Future Mother-In-Law and I were going to Wal-Mart.  She kept keeping Future Mother-In-Law on the phone and finally Future Mother-In-Law said, “I’m getting off of the phone now.”  Future Sister-In-Law said, “Don’t hang up on me.  I am your DAUGHTER!  I feel left out and I’m jealous!”  There’s just so much little stuff like that, it’s nuts.

Unfortunately, her horrid behavior has put a toll on mine and FMIL’s relationship.  I am very vocal about how I have no respect for my Future Sister-In-Law.  I’m not going to be fake and keep secrets about it.  In the presence of Future Sister-In-Law, I am very cordial and civil for the sake of the family.  I don’t go out of my way to be a bitch to her, nor am I mean.  I just limit conversation with her to the bare minimum.  But, everyone knows how I feel about her childish behavior.  I think Future Mother-In-Law is upset that I feel that way about Future Sister-In-Law.  I remember one Mother’s Day, Future Mother-In-Law sent a text to Fiance and his siblings about how they treat each other and she told them she wanted them to get along and she was sick of them not being close, etc.  So, I know she’s probably thinking that I’m wrong for not sucking it up and kissing FSIL’s ass/overlooking her total unacceptable ridiculousness, but oh well.  I refuse to feed the beast.  That’s the girl’s whole problem, in the first place.  She needs to learn that she can’t bully the world into doing things her way.

I think the best thing you can do is just visit them every once in a while, but maybe get a hotel room in the area?  Or, just tough it out when it comes to dealing with her.  I know EXACTLY how you feel, and I know hearing that sucks, but it’s true.  You don’t want your Fiance or his parents becoming resentful of you.  If they start to think you’re taking their son away, things will get bad with them too and you don’t want that.  If you have to go around her, take time out to go hide somewhere and get on WB.  Message me and I’ll talk to you about it, anytime. 

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