- 9 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
It’s been a while since I’ve been on the boards, after the wedding DH and I moved and I started a new job!
Last time I was here I got wonderful etiquette advice from some great ladies. Now I’m in a really tough situation and I would really appreciate any advice anyone could plase give.
I am having problems with my DH’s sister that have unfortunately gotten out of hand, and these have led to a rocky relationship with his parents too.
It’s easy enough for me to just shove it off when she’s only being rude to me. However, when my wedding with DH came around I tried to foster a better relationship with her by asking her to be a bridesmaid. Big mistake. She took this as an opportunity to be catty and snotty to my entire bridal party. When we went bridesmaid dress shopping she insulted my sister for begin thin (she has a few extra pounds) and was so immature that both of my other brides maids individually pulled me aside and asked me “what’s up with SIL, she’s being a huge bitch”. That unfortunately was only the first pre-wedding event. It only got worse from there. Things blew up planning my bachelorette party after insulting the other girls, and spreading lies to DH about how they were treating her (they planned it over fb, so everything was recorded and it was obvious she was the only one being rude) . So SIL was kicked out of the bridal party. Being rude to me is one thing, but when she started insulting my family and friends without provocation I had had it.
SIL has apologized (after a talking to from daddy) but has yet to actually change her behaviour. That was the final straw. Four years of increasingly rude behaviour was bad enough, but this sent me over the edge. DH is very supportive and we have decided that we would cut SIL out of our lives as much as possible, at least until she grows up a bit. It’s obvious that she needs to be the center of attention, always have her way and be the victim. Neither of us can take her S*** and longer. The problem is that it is greatly affecting our relationship with his parents.They still stand by their position of “oh, that’s just how she is, there’s nothing you can do, so we should just accept it”. and that “She really seems genuinely sorry, so you should give her another chance” Moreover, because I am not giving her any more chances and instead starting to stand up for myself I’m seen as stubborn, I’m the bad guy preventing the situation from being fixed. I will no longer put myself into situations where I will be openly insulted. Marrying DH shouldn’t mean i have to be put through that.
His parents have a close family and are desperate to have that again at any cost. Because SIL lives with ILs visiting is tough, holidays are worse. We are drifting away from them and I don’t know how to fix it. Because we live three hours away, and they are reluctant to make the trip to visit us (we have a small bachelor apartment) visits are almost always weekend affairs at their house. This has become impossible. Contact now is entirely through occasional phone conversations.
I don’t know how to balance getting away from SIL and maintaining a relationship with ILs. This is really wearing my DH thin, and it’s not fair to him. Any advice?