(Closed) Accepting help from friends that aren’t bridesmaids

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
529 posts
Busy bee

I have a friend who actually offered to let me stay at her place (in the town where I’m getting married, which is a distance) the week before the wedding. I felt weird at first, but figured if she was genuinely excited, then I would respect her parameters (no arranging flowers, please!) and try to be super sensitive and respectful of her time. I am also giving her a small role in our church ceremony and thanking her in the programs.

As an alternative point of view, I actually asked to do this for a friend and loved it! I was local and her sisters were her BMs (who can argue with that?) I was happy to be spared the expense of being in the wedding and the  bride and groom got me a nice gift card for helping out.

Post # 4
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I had a friend from college and she invited a few girls over one night (only 1 was a bridesmaid) to help with wedding projects.  She sent postcard invited and made us margaritas and snacks.  I didn’t expect anything in return, I just had fun spending time with her and helping her out. 

Post # 5
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Three things you can do, and I would do all three:

– Whenever they help you out, scratch their backs. Order a pizza, make cookies, pour some margaritas, etc. Just do something small everytime to let them know how much you appreciate their help.

– Buy/make whomever helps a thoughtful thank you gift at the end, just as you would with a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

– Thank them in the ceremony program or in your thank yous at the wedding. Or give them corsages. Or do something at the ceremony/reception to recognize all of their help.

I’ve been engaged for 14 months now (5 days away!) and during that time I have grown really close to someone who used to just be a friendly acquaintance and my Future Brother-In-Law proposed to his Girlfriend, whom I adore. If I had to pick BMs today (5 days away!) I would ask both of them, but that isn’t how it works. Instead, I’m just letting them know how special they are whenever I can. The same principle applies. If you are gracious, most people will be pleased with your efforts.

Post # 6
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I had a friend from college and she invited a few girls over one night (only 1 was a bridesmaid) to help with wedding projects.  She sent postcard invited and made us margaritas and snacks.  I didn’t expect anything in return, I just had fun spending time with her and helping her out. 

Post # 7
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m having just my sister as my only bridesmaid and I am definitely taking advantage of my friends’ offers of assistance.  🙂  

My intent is to thank them in my speech at the reception, possibly give them a gift and (as I am doing this Wednesday when my two good friends help me put together my invitations) provide the wine/booze for the crafting sessions.

I think that as long as you thank them in some way, it should in no way give credit (for helping with particular tasks) where credit is not due.  If you’re not giving a speech at the reception, you could also thank your friends in the programs or on your website if you have one.

Post # 8
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If someone offers, it’s considered rude to turn them down unless you really don’t want what they are offering. Nothing to feel weird about unless you don’t feel comfortable around them, period.

Thank them as you would any other help for an everyday craft project. No one is expecting to be publicly thanked in programs or you going out of your way to do so. Write a heartfelt note and bake a batch of cookies for them if that is your talent or take them out to lunch.

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