Post # 1
Hello fellow bees,
Recently my bf gave me a timeline of 2-3 years before we get engaged. Im finding it hard to come to terms with this and accept it. I wont leave him because of it and his reasons for waiting for so long are completely reasonable. Although I still get really down about it and even brought myself to tears thinking about it.
I guess I was just wondering if anyone has been in or is currently in this situation? How did you deal with it and how did you distract yourself?
Thanks in advance for any replies/input 🙂
Post # 3
Hey there! I’m in a similar situation – ish. Last summer my SO said a year or 2, but probabaly less than 3. However, in the past when he said next year, it turned into 2 years… So I don’t take his timelines seriously anymore because he doesn’t know how long Anything takes lol So this summer, technically, we will have reached the minimum end of our timeline, but I think it might take longer than that.
Does your SO have certain markers or milestones he’s trying to reach? My SO said after he gets his own apartment. Hopefully he’ll start apartment hunting in just a few months (we decided summer was a good time for it). So on the one hand, a bunch of his savings will go into that… but on the other hand, I think once he sees how nice it is to have me constantly at his place, it might move things along quicker lol (Or at least I hope).
I sort of have my own markers too. I still have quite a bit of school left, so I can’t even tell how an engagement would fit into that. It makes sense to wait til I’m done (grad school, fyi), but being engaged would also be nice…
What would be your ideal timeline? (Factoring in his reasons for waiting)
Post # 4
If he’s in the middle of schooling it may very well be the reason why he gave you a timeline. Also, some people need 2-3 years to completely get settled in their careers as well. With many new grads these days we have a few people with fresh degrees but no work.
Post # 5
@sparky263: I’m in a similar situation. Our 6 year anniversary is June and I have basically a 2 year timeline. The thing for us is that I went back to school. I’m just finishing my 1st of 4 years, so I don’t have much financially to contribute. He says we will be married by the summer I graduate in 3 years and we want a 1 year engagement. Last year I really started getting the wedding itch and at that point, I had a 3 year timeline, which seemed way too long for me! It was killing me at the time.
Recently, I’ve been getting a feeling like it may come sooner than the 2 year mark. He really wants it to be a surprise, so I won’t be one of the bees who knows when he has a ring or a specific month when it will happen.
Last time we had a talk, we discussed getting married while I was in school. He also has been emphasizing the importance of our upcoming anniversary, so I’m hoping it’ll happen then. We shall see!
Post # 6
wow at least im not the only one!! there isnt really a whole lot that hes trying to accomplish except for paying off some debt and some home renovations. there are somethings that I plan on doing though..such as going to school but unfortunately with 2 kids at home and not being able to afford daycare it wont happen for another year or two. he is the bread winner in the house and takes care of all household bills so i can understand why nothing is going to happen for a couple years. i have tried to help out with bills and he just tells me he doesnt want it and that i need to save my money (for school).
i giess i should also note that for whatever reason he has a number amount stuck in his head and wont “settle” for anything less. plus he has said that he wants to have money saved up for a ring as well as a wedding (even though i told him we could have a long engagement to save up).
it just bums me out and i cant find a way to get my mind off of it or deal with it.
Post # 7
ideally i would like to get engaged within the year and then get married 2-3 years later but he probably wont propose until 2-3 years.
sorry about any spelling mistakes and punctuation..im on my phone and it doesnt want to agree with me
Post # 8
@sparky263: Well, I don’t have the same situation but last year, SO said that I would have something before our 3 year anniversary, but now he is less sure than he was before. I would be very happy with a timeline, but he’s not comfortable giving me one so I may end with 2 years to go. I will still stay with him, but it is hard when we’ve expecting it. Good luck! Right now I’m distracting myself from knowing it is not going to happen by focusing on planning my graduation and looking for a job and also studying for the tests I need to take to get certified for my job.
Post # 9
@sparky263: My boyfriend gave me the same timeline in February. I was so disappointed! His reasons for wanting to wait are good: he wants to wait until he gets a job (he’s just finishing up school) and has been in it for a year so that we have some financial security. We have NO money right now and would be paying for the wedding ourselves, so it makes sense. But I’m in my mid-thirties and we’ve been together almost three years, and I am feeling so impatient to move on to the next stage in our lives! I don’t care if it’s a small, low-budget wedding; I just want it to happen! Sigh…
Anyhow, you are totally not alone.
Post # 10
I dont have a massive timeline. We recently bought a house and i was told he wants a few months to settle in then he got a new job and he has a 3 month probation period so he wants to wait until thats over before he buys the ring. He has had me pick out the ring already and told me it will happen before september 12th so i am very impatient.
I couldnt deal with a timeline of over a year it would feel like forever to me but well done to you ladies who have waited or are waiting that long
Post # 11
i think that timelines are good for a general idea, but you should try not to get too attached to a strict and specific time.
My boyfriend and I have been together (off and on) for TEN years! But we have been solidly back together for the last 4. Before we lived together, he said that he thought 6 months – 1 year of living together would be the timeline for getting engaged. Well, we have been living together for 9 months now, and I’m almost positive I won’t see a ring in the next 3 months! He has now said that he thinks by the end of this year.
It’s been really hard for me, because at this point I am SERIOUSLY feeling the itch. But I try and remind myself that whether we get married or not, I will want to be with him. I would be ECSTATIC to have the ring and start planning, but I AM currently happy being and living together. I DO believe it will eventually happen. I just have to trust in him, and know that when the time is right he will propose!