(Closed) Accepting money from SO?

posted 5 years ago in Money
  • poll: Should I let my SO help me out financially?
    Duh! Stop fretting and let him help you out. : (43 votes)
    93 %
    No way, girl! Stick things out on your own. : (3 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    11752 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    That’s a totally personal decision, but if the tables were turned would you want to be able to help him out?  When Fiance was unemployed I helped him out and now that he makes more than I do, he helps me out.  We’re a team!

    Post # 4
    Member
    3625 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Assuming he’s not going to make big deal out of it or make you feel guilty in the future (intentionally, not because you are making yourself feel guilty), then I would just accept it graciously as it is coming from a place of love (and worry, probably). It’s not like you are an druggie or something and wasting his money; you actually need it for normal, necessary expenses like food and gas.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3765 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think it’s fine! You are going to be married! Honestly, I helped my ex out financially (weren’t even engaged) and I didn’t regret it one bit even after we broke up. I did it beause I loved him (ugh even though that didn’t turn out so well…. haha) If you love someone and they are struggling you help them out. I know money is a touchy subject, but if it were anything else (helping you when you were sick, helping you paint the house) I’m sure you wouldn’t be as hesitant. And you are not asking, he’s offering.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2295 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    As long as he is truly giving it as a gift, not as something where he will analyze everything you spend (ie: Why’d you get Starbucks? I thought money was tight. Why’d you go out to the bars with your girlfriends? Isn’t that dress kind of expensive), take it.

    Money *can* change dynamics in relationships, especially before you are married, if you both aren’t really clear on it. I think being really upfront about just not wanting there to be any weirdness will help reduce that risk, and agreeing if either of you feel weird at any time, either one of you can end the arrangement without any hard feelings.

    It’s not quite the same, but I moved to be closer to Fiance (then boyfriend), but I kept my home empty in the old town in case we decided not to move forward with engagement. Since I was still paying my mortgage there, and then had living expenses in the new town (minimal, lived with family but had a portion of utilites and had to rent an office), Fiance and I arranged for him to pay half of all my “extra” expenses due to the move.

    Even though it was totally fair and an arrangement we agreed to together, and I wouldn’t have those expenses if it wasn’t for him, it did still feel weird taking a check from him. But in my case we were doing it more so we both had equal “stake” in the decision for me to move, rather than for financial reasons.

    Best of luck!

    Post # 8
    Member
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would accept the money. If you are uncomfortable accepting it, I would ask him to cover your airfare to visit him instead (since that is an expense of yours he directly benefits from).

    Post # 9
    Member
    986 posts
    Busy bee

    We’re a team, and when he was unemployed I supported him. Now that I’m only freelancing, he’s mostly supporting me. We’re in this together. Best of luck deciding!

    The topic ‘Accepting money from SO?’ is closed to new replies.

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