(Closed) Accidental Invite to be a Bridesmaid

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

In short–you can’t. You already asked. How would you feel if someone asked you and then came and said “hey…remember when I asked you to be a bridesmaid? I really didn’t mean to say that.” 

There’s no way good way to put that.

Post # 4
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have to agree, that would just be plain mean!

Post # 5
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Ops… I agree, you should not un-invite her…. I mean you could, but then bye bye friendship! Take this as the first lesson in wedding planning: take your time! Don’t make commitments until you are absolutely sure! Don’t let other people (or youself!) pressure you in making decisions for your wedding that you don’t agree with! You’ll have many other of those moments – e.g. with the guest list – so always keep this incident in mind and practice non committal answers when people ask you awkward questions…

Post # 6
Member
430 posts
Helper bee

I just HAD to respond to this as i am going through the same thing. In my situation i asked two of my ‘sometimes friends’, only to regret this soon after.

I really had realised that these girls will always be my friends, but i have two much older sisters, one who is overseas and will only get in days before the wedding, and the other who will be 8 months pregnant on the day.

At the end of the day i really know deep down that i will regret sticking with the sometimes friends when looking at my pictures, and as much as it will be a pain every step of the way with my heavily pregnant and overseas sisters, it is worth it.

The way i did this, was to email (coward) that i was not handling wedding prep and my family was now organising everything, and we wont be having a bridal party anymore. (i know, lies)

Weeks went by with NO response from sometimes friends anyway, so i was just able to say a while later, ‘so sorry im sure you understand my sisters have been so supportive and helped me plan the whole wedding its only right to have them etc etc’

I know this is slightly dishonest, but I really felt this was my only way to not offend my friends who i really do love dearly.

Good luck and go with what you truly feel, you will regret it otherwise.

Post # 7
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Ooops!

I thought I was going to have to do the same thing. I have a best friend, who i had always promised the Maid/Matron of Honor to. Welllll..I’m engaged now..and she is now just a sometimes best friend (i can always go to her, but i talk to her maybe once every 3 months..and ill go a year without seeing her)

After immediately regretting asking her (same EXACT story as you.lol), I asked her to meet up.

 
I met with her for coffee one day and said “I know you’re busy with work and we rarely see each other anymore. So i just wanted to see how you felt about being my Maid/Matron of Honor. Just know there’s no pressure from me for you to do it, but I did ask you” Turns out,, she isn’t going to be available for a lot of stuff, bc she lives an hour and a half away. She said she was overwhelmed and would rather do a reading or somthing else instead. I feel much better about this, because honestly, we’re not best friends anymore..and for the record..I’m not asking anyone else to be in my party until we get closer to the date! hahah

So, maybe you can explain to her “My Fiance and I have decided that we’re only having 3 on each side” or something and ask her to be apart of it in another way? It’s a rough situation.. ๐Ÿ™

Hope that helps! 

Post # 8
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I just ran into this post, I’m assuming you fixed it as this was 2 months ago.. what did you do?

Post # 9
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I just ran across this post as well and I am wondering the same thing.

I was asked to be in a wedding, then asked not to be, then asked again to be in it, then told that I wasn’t going to be in it.  In my experiance it hurt a little to have the back and forth, so if you do decide to not have them in it, try to at least do it over the phone.

I would explain that you were limited on the number of bridesmaids and in the excitement of telling everyone, you asked too many people.  Let them know that you still want them to be there, or maybe see if they can help with something else in the wedding. Let them know that they are still important to you, but that you had to make some hard decisions.  I hope this helps!

 

Post # 10
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

You can’t uninvite her but you can talk to her and tell her you realize you don’t see each as often as you used to and you just want to know how she feels about being a bridesmaid. You know its a lot of responsibility and money (that might scare her) and you don’t want her to feel forced to do it because you would still have her at the wedding and not be mad.

Post # 11
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh I am in the same boat!!! I asked my three friends from high school to be in the bridal party but soon after regretted it.  Now I have even bought their dresses and shipped them to them a week to the day and have not even heard any feedback at all.  If I am going to be nice enough to buy your dress and then ship it to you…the least you could do is A. tell me  you have them or B. try it on and let me know what you think.  This is the last straw for me for two of them.  They keep telling me my wedding is 6months away and I have time, but I am having a hard enough time dealing with the planning on my own to have to deal with two selfish bridesmaids.  I get it…they have a life and my wedding is not a priority but if they can’t be happy and supportive I don’t think they deserve to stand beside me especially when other friends are being far more supportive.  SO I know exactly how you feel and even though my FH tells me everyday to cut them out of the wedding…I just can’t bring myself to do it.  ๐Ÿ™ I feel for you!!!  

ATTN all brides to be! Do not decide on your bridal party until you start planning to see who your true friends are!!

Post # 12
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

just take comfort in the fact that you are the only that has done this and like a PP said, lesson learned. in the future you will take your time with everything before making final decisions!  i did the same thing. i asked someone because i felt pressured and regretted it after….however, now it has been many many months later and i DON’T regret it anymore and am really happy! partly because 2 of my “definite” BMs are no longer able to come to my wedding AND this other friend i initially regretted has turned out to be one of my most supportive BMs and seems to be the most excited, which is always nice to have   ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@dynamic_duo: SEE this is the reason why I haven’t cut them:)

Post # 15
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m just kinda curious as to why you would want someone there that you wouldn’t be willing to have in your bridal party.  It kinda gives this impression: “Hi, you’re important enough to come to my wedding and see my joy and give me a gift but not important enough to be in my bridal party.  Sorry!”  Maybe I don’t understand more about bridal parties for some types of weddings, as mine is very casual. 

 

Post # 16
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It must be tough regretting something like this but imagine how you’d feel in her shoes if you tell her you changed your mind- OUCH!

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