Post # 1
Note: these gifts are totally unrelated to the gift in my last thread.
I’ve been unwrapping gifts as they are delivered so 1) I can squeeze them into the spare closet without the extraneous boxes and bows until after the wedding/moving day (keeping gifts in their product packaging until then), and 2) so I can promptly write thank you notes to the senders.
Two days ago I got a delivery from Macy’s. Included was a large package from FI’s Auntie Georgia, with some incredibly generous gifts. Sweet! I should also mention that these gifts were not gift wrapped.
About an hour later, I got a delivery from Bed Bath & Beyond. I checked the packing slip and it says it was ordered by the same Auntie Georgia who sent us the package I had just opened from Macy’s. This gift was wrapped, which I found a little strange, but I opened it.
I FaceTimed Fiance later, and he mentioned Auntie Georgia was at his parents’ house (she took a train from her city, and will be coming up with Future Mother-In-Law and another of FI’s aunts for my bridal shower this weekend). I told him we got gifts from Auntie Georgia today, from Macy’s and BB&B. Fiance tells me, “Oh, you weren’t supposed to open the package from BB&B– that was meant as a shower gift!” I was immediately mortified, and asked what to do. Fiance told Future Mother-In-Law about what happened and asked if it was wrapped, which I confirmed. Future Mother-In-Law just said, “yeah that was meant as a shower gift,” and also brought up a gift from FI’s grandma that was supposed to be a shower gift… which I received and opened last week, and for which I already sent out a thank you card 🙈
I’ve been dwelling on this for the last day and a half, and now I see an email from Future Mother-In-Law asking about whether the BB&B gifts were wrapped (which we already discussed), so Auntie Georgia and Grandma K can bring it up to BB&B if there was no wrapping. All this is doing is reminding me that I messed up and making me feel more guilty.
I think that because the wedding is so close, my stress levels are through the roof and my emotions are on high. Any advice for what to do, or how to stop feeling guilty?
Post # 2
I don’t see how this was accidental? Why is it more okay to open wedding gifts early but not shower gifts?
Post # 3
Why don’t you just take them to BB&B yourself and re-wrap them since it was your mistake to open them.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise
It was a misunderstanding. They sound like nice ladies. Just explain what happened and tell them how much you appreciate their generosity.
That being said, I agree that typically, one doesn’t open gifts prior to the wedding. You don’t need to open them to find a place to stash them.
Post # 5
you received mail and opened….nothing wrong with that! Did they expect you to bring the wrapped gifts to your own shower and open them there? If so that’s ridiculous and they should have brought the gifts to the shower themselves.
Post # 6
First there are so many things wrong.
1. Auntie G and Gma shouldn’t have sent the gifts to your house if they wanted them to be brought to the shower.
2. You shouldn’t be opening your gifts up prior to the shower or wedding.
3. You should apologize to both Auntie G and Gma for opening the gifts and then re-wrap them and bring them to ths shower. I’m not saying they were right in sending them to you, but you shouldn’t have opened them either.
ETA: I’m reading the responses below, and apparently it’s fine to open gifts prior to the wedding. Sorry, I was always under the impression you don’t open them prior in case the wedding is called off so that the gifts can be sent back. Sorry I was misinformed.
Post # 7
I don’t get why its a big deal. If she shipped it to your house, were you supposed to keep it wrapped and bring it to your shower to open there?
Post # 8
if they wanted you to open them at the shower, they should have sent them to themselves or another address, not your.
i don’t think you should feel gulty that you opened them.
however, i probably wouldn’t have opened anything until after my shower. i would assume that anything arriving around that time was a shower gift.
Post # 9
Everything I’ve read (including Emily Post) says you’re supposed to open the gifts as you get them so you can send thank you cards, so the sender knows you’ve received the gift. I think it was an honest mistake and they should have specified that they were shower gifts. If it’s that big of a deal, rewrap them and take them to the shower to open. Don’t feel bad, it obviously wasn’t intentional on your part!
Post # 10
whnlz : teamroro :
I’ve always been told (and have seen it reaffirmed through many posts here) that you open a wedding gift when it is delivered (meaning taking it out of the shipping box), and send out thank you notes promptly so the gift-giver knows it has been received.
Of course I’m not taking it out of the product packaging and using it until after the wedding. But was I wrong for unwrapping the few wrapped gifts we have already received? Genuinely curious, as I thought that to be a necessity to confirm that whatever was packaged matched what was listed on the packing slip.
Post # 11
You have done nothing wrong. It is in fact proper to open gifts as they arrive, wedding gifts included, so that they can be promptly acknowledged with a thank you note.
Shower gifts are normally brought to the shower, especially when the giver is attending the shower. You had no way of knowing which was a shower gift and which were wedding gifts.
Post # 12
The way you did it is proper. It should be opened immediately to ensure no damage and and thank you card goes out immediately to ensure the giver it was received. You just don’t use them until after the wedding.
If they wanted the gifts to be brought to and opened at the shower they should have called you in advance to tell you that was the intent or shipped it to themselves and brought it with them to the shower because their expectation that you would automatically bring it to the shower unopened is not the norm at all.
Post # 13
i have no idea how in the world anyone expected you to know not to open this and bring the gift to your own party to open it there? Especially knowing you’re meanwhile opening wedding gifts to write thank you cards. Are you a mind reader?
just wrap it back up–even the one you threw out a box, just put it in a plain box and wrap it like that. *shrug* NBD. If they cared so much they should’ve tried to communicate.
FWIW, while not a great quality–many people like to shift the blame for their own lack of communication. If FMIL/Auntie do this, shrug it off.. you can’t control other people’s flaws.
Post # 14
you were right! gifts should be opened and thanked as you receive them. I had alot of gifts sent prior to the shower from people either by mistake or who didn’t wanna lug big items into the party. They were thanked right away. I obviously didn’t use them prior but everything sent to me was opened and put away. You are totally good don’t stress!
Post # 15
Noooooo. You definitely open wedding gifts before the wedding so you can send thank you notes in a timely manner. If not, gift givers will left wondering if BBB/ Macy’s/ etc actually ever sent the gift they ordered months ago.