(Closed) Accommodating mother of groom's allergies in buffet

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
6222 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@mordantmaxim:  definitely. She doesn’t have to be able to eat everything. And if she just found out the allergies they can’t be that severe (like can’t be anywhere near her severe)

Post # 4
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Can they make her a special dish? I know most venues I looked at would provide the main selections for everyone but then could accomodate any vegans or those with a lot of allergies.

Post # 5
3552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

She does have such extensive allergies that it is reasonable to not cater the entire buffet to her. Buffets are inherently dangerous for people with food allergies because of cross contamination. If at all possible I’d have a separate plate of food put together for her or make sure she goes through first so that things have not been mixed around (splashing, guests using the wrong utensil ect). 

Post # 6
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

As a vegetarian, I usually only have one option at wedding buffets. Unless she’s high maintenance, your Future Mother-In-Law should be okay with one entree. Since she is a VIP guest, I would talk about the menu with her, and make sure that she’s okay with the choices she can have. The whole buffet doesn’t have to be foods she can eat.

Can you do a separate small cake or desert for her?

Post # 7
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My Future Sister-In-Law has been put on an extremely strict diet to weed out allergens. She can only eat certain things on certain days. We plan on providing a separate set of appetizers for her and her boyfriend (he can’t kiss her if he’s eaten anything she’s allergic to). What we make for her will of course be determined much closer to the big day. It was just impossible to balance our hors d’oeuvres reception around what she might be able to eat.

Post # 8
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m sure you can get her a special plate to fit her needs. Should not be a problem at all, just talk to your caterer/venue. 

Post # 9
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@mordantmaxim:  Do exactly as you plan. So long as she is fed then there is no pressure for you to make the whole buffet allergen free. If she was the only Jew would you make every dish Kosher? No, but you would make sure that there was enough for her to eat. It’s the same thing, so long as she is fed then everyone will be happy.

ETA: Make sure that her husband has the same meal if him kissing her could set her off. 

Post # 10
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Nope you are not selfish.  Can you have them make a special plate just for her? 

Post # 11
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have a bunch of stupid allergies/intolerances and I would never expect that I’d be able to eat everything at an event with a buffet. At our own wedding I could only eat the salmon and the salad! I am sure that she understands. If you can get her a ate that she can’t eat, great, but if not I’m sure she will be prepared to eat beforehand anyway. It’s awesome that you’re thinking of her, but most people with special dietary needs figure out their own coping mechanisms…she will learn 🙂

Post # 12
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think having a separate plate, or making sure a selection is available that meet her restrictions, is more than accomodating.

Also, as someone with nut allergies, now I know that if I ever go to a kosher wedding, I may not be able to eat the cake!  That is something I had never heard of before.

Post # 13
2082 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@mordantmaxim:  I think as long as you provide one entree with side plus a fruit or dessert you are being accomodating to her needs. I don’t think you should have to change the entire buffet for one person.

Post # 14
2324 posts
Buzzing bee

As PP said, if there is one plate of a couple of different foods that she can eat that will be plenty.

I also have crazy allergies / intolerances & when i eat out, if there is ONE thing i can eat, i’m over the moon. I would never expect an entire menu to be Nic01 friendly.

Post # 15
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You can not accomodate all those allergies + kosher diet

You have to do what is best for the majority of your guests. You can ask for special plates (non kosher if possible) to made just for her. Or just have two dishes for her- you can buy an allergy friendly cake for her (or have a little one made for her table). 

Post # 16
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@mordantmaxim:  Certain allergies can be so severe that even if a utensil has touched the allergen the person could go into anaphylaxis. I know because my brother’s family is like this…We actually have separate toasters even for when they come visit! In that case you would need to have a separate plate prepared for your Future Mother-In-Law. If she just found out yesterday can you imagine what it feels like to be in HER shoes?! Her life will never be the same (I know my brother’s isn’t) and honestly that sucks bad enough let alone having your own family treating it like it is a burden for them.

Although this wouldn’t make a difference in my decision, are they paying for part of your wedding? This is your FI’s mother…not just some random guest that may or may not come. I would definitely go out of my way for her.

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