Post # 1
I know a lot of people who say ‘I don’t want to get married until I get my masters degree’ or ‘We didn’t get married until we were both ____ years old’
For those of you who are waiting to get engaged or married, or who already are, was there a certain criteria or checklist you wanted to do before you got married or engaged?
I have two thoughts in my head:
1. It’s best to wait to get married until you’re independant, have your own house, have been working for ____ years, traveled the world, etc;
2. When you get married, you can do all of that stuff with your spouse, like travel, buy a house together, get your Ph.D, etc.
Just curious to what other people thought.
Post # 3
I think the only thing that I really wanted to check off the list before getting married was having finished my bachelor’s degree. I feel very lucky in that I’m pretty much getting to do both number 1 and number 2. I’ve been working for four years, have my own apartment, and I’ve traveled to about a dozen countries. Once I get married, Fiance and I will travel, buy a house one day, and both earn advanced degrees. The super best part is that I’ve gotten to do all of my ‘independent’ stuff while Fiance and I have been together. God I love him.
Post # 4
I voted for contradictory things. I wanted to get my bachelors before getting married (but had no problem getting engaged before that). I also wanted to travel, but didn’t care if we did it together or apart. I ended up studying abroad for a few weeks and that satisfied my craving. I would have been fine waiting to travel until after getting married but I know that he hates travelling, especially out of the country. I did not want to wait to buy a house, live together, be a certain age or additional degrees. In general I would not want to buy a house while in a relationship and not married. I wouldn’t want to sell it when we got married (to move into a bigger/better place) and I wouldn’t want to give a boyfriend input on something I would own by myself. If I was single I might, but I met my Fiance so young that I never had time to think about that. We will buy our first house together and I’m happy about that.
Post # 5
Fortunately, we got engaged just as I am finishing up my master’s program. I’m pretty laid-back and even I am all caught up in wedding planning, so I cannot imagine going to school while planning. It’s hard enough working and going to school, IMO. However, I never felt like I had to finish it before we got married. I am, however, happy that I will be finished with grad school before we even think about having children. No way, and I give lots of credit to people who can pull everything off at once!
Post # 6
I didn’t really have a checklist of things I wanted to accomplish before I got engaged/married, but I guess some things were kind of in the back of my mind. For example, I wanted to at least earn my Bachelor’s degree (check!) and live completely on my own without roommates (check!). I didn’t really have an age in mind, but I am glad I waited until I was a little older … It’s not for everyone, of course, but I think I’ve got my shit together now. I couldn’t say the same thing about my 22 year old self. Haha.
I’ve done quite a few things with my fiance as well, though. (For example, we both love to travel so we try to plan fun and interesting vacations when we can.) I like that there are still a lot of experiences to look forward to having together.
Post # 7
I wanted to have finished my bachelor’s, live on my own for a little while, move in with now-DH, and have a stable job.
I have traveled and been fairly independent in the past, but now I’m excited to do a lot of the things I did as a single person, with my DH. We don’t want to settle down too much and are planning to do a lot of traveling and have a lot of adventures and spontaneity in our marriage. Fingers crossed we can make it happen the way we plan!
Post # 8
@abeautifulunion: we are both in grad school and broke but I see no reason to wait. If we struggle I want to struggle together.
Post # 9
I always had a rule that I wanted to be done with all schooling (bachelors and law school) before I would even entertain the idea of an engagement. I met Fiance just after I finished law school, so that wasn’t a problem. We just waited for the right time for us.
Post # 10
Thank you for all the replies 🙂
ps idk how this ended up in the rings page…i’m sorry!
Post # 11
I think both are true, really.
I think the most important thing is not getting trapped in a relationship that doesn’t let you contnue to grow.
My husband and I had traveled the world independently, and have since traveled it together. I was in the middle of my PhD when I met him – so I did that both on my own and with him. We just bought a home together – with median home prices over half a million dollars here, there’s no way I would have been able to do that on my own!
I think life experience and knowing yourself are more important than specific tick marks on a list. Though, I suppose those give you something concrete to measure with.
Post # 12
Well, for me, it started out that I just wanted my Fiance to have a job and be done with college. Then I saw how he was making money, and supporting himself, and I wanted to have that too. So I wanted to be done with my bachelor’s degree and have a job before getting engaged. I wanted to make money and have the ability to support myself without needing to rely on anyone else BEFORE getting engaged. The house, further education, traveling, etc. was not important as a criteria for getting engaged. We own our house, have interest in traveling, but it isn’t a #1 priority for us, and were not planning on going to get our master’s immediately after our bachelor’s degrees so those did not factor into the equation. Fiance wanted the same thing as me too. He wanted me to have my own job and be done with college and be able to support myself before we got engaged, so we were both on the same track there. Neither of us has to “wait” for the other one to be ready, because neither of us would be ready until the other one was, since our goals not only encompassed our own paths, but the paths of each other as well.
Post # 13
I’m not a believer in a “proper order of things”–I think that when you have met the right person and you’re ready to move forward in your relationship, you do that.
We’re done with our undergraduate work, and currently holding jobs before returning to school. I don’t see any reason why it would be better to wait until we’re done–we’ve already agreed on a lifetime commitment, and I’d certainly rather be married than dating for another 7 years. There’s no reason why being married would stand in the way of my education or career–we support each other 100%, so it’s not like education stops the day we say “I do.”
The only thing that being married prevents me from doing is dating/sleeping around, which isn’t something I want to do at this point in my life, or in the future. I’m happy to spend the next decades growing with my partner.
Post # 14
@abeautifulunion: I think it helps to be somewhat on the same page.. like if one of you is in your early 20s, doing your first degree, and has never lived on your own, while the other is older, owns a home, has been working for years, then it might be a bit weird… but I also think that if it’s meant to be then you can make anything work.
I think though that the key is to want similar things out of life, and for the other to be supportive.
Post # 15
We are planning on getting engaged pretty soon so I’m starting to think about this as well. I plan to definitely finish my bachelor’s degree before we get married. Other than that I am open to doing the rest of it along side my SO. I’ve already travelled the world.
Post # 16
I think it really depends on the situation. At first I thought I wanted to get married in between my bachelors and masters but then I relaized it makes more sense to get married after graduate school. I would have no problem being engaged during that time but logistically it just makes more sense for us. That we will be able to have our “real” jobs and know we will be okaay completly indpendent.