(Closed) Accused of Not Caring Enough About the Details

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Ah, a misunderstanding on her part, I see.

Time to let her know that you do care but you want the girls to be comfortable in a dress they choose they think best fits their body. In fact, it’s not that you don’t care, it’s that you REALLY care about your bridal party and you are being extremely considerate and flexible and that’s that. 

Post # 4
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2018

wow, moreshoesplease.  I am so offended.  My ‘maids just happen to be wearing melon-hued taffeta ballgowns with white snakeskin heels.  Now you’re making me doubt my choice – and it was so hard to find dresses that went with my orange and python print theme!

 

thanks a lot, now I have to start over!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Oh, I know exactly where you are!  My mother has apparently decided that I am not capable of planning my own wedding, mostly because she disagrees violently with my color choices.  And, of course, my search for a non-white wedding gown.  It will apparently all look terrible.  (I am going with a pale silver grey; my sister will be in the Ann Taylor bridesmaid pink, and flowers in pink, lavender, and white. Not exactly horrifying, I think.)  But what really set her off was when I deferred to my sister as to choice of not only dress but color.  Hey – she is my only attendant so she doesn’t have to match anybody – and I figured any of the Ann Taylor colors would be good. 

Some people just can’t be pleased.  It sounds to me like your BMs will look great! Maybe Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t think they will look enough like little clones of each other?  Some individual style coming through?

Post # 6
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

what is it with people getting all riled up if we’re not obsessed with making every single detail as unique as possible?? they assume we don’t care about the wedding – either we’re bridezillas or we’re apathetic. we can’t win!

Post # 7
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Weird.  I actually have been wondering myself if I don’t care enough, but with three weeks to go, it’s a little late to start caring now :-).  I think my various vendors have been a bit nonplused by my "well, whatever you think is fine" attitude–they keep checking in and asking the same question in different ways, probably because they’ve had plenty of brides who have said, "That’s fine" and then screamed them later.  I do have a few parameters, but for the most part I figure they’re the professionals and I am too busy with other stuff (I am quitting my job and moving across the country immediately after the wedding) to care about every detail, such as whether the bridesmaids’ bouquets contain beige or cream flowers !

But, if you are getting married in 2009, I really don’t know what details you should be caring about now!  I suggest you save up a transcript of this conversation for a year from now when she’s complaining that you’ve turned into a nitpicky bridezilla whose only thoughts are about favors, seating arrangements, candles and other unavoidable minutiae.

Post # 8
Member
35 posts
Newbee

i thought i was the only bride in the world experiencing this problem.  i don’t have a color theme and i HATE wedding planning.  if money was not an issue, you can be sure i’d be paying someone to plan the whole thing for me!

 

Post # 9
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I have 3 bridesmaids, and they are all 100 times more fashionable than I will ever be.  So I told them to wear whatever they want.  Many people are mortified that I am not putting my 28 year old best friends in matching dresses – but my friends and I think it is fabulous.  They have such amazing style, they’ve already been chatting about the dresses being complementary, but they will not be in same color.  They’ll figure it out ๐Ÿ™‚

But maybe your Maid/Matron of Honor is just bummed because she was looking forward to helping you plan your wedding – so maybe invite her to do other things with you like choose invitations or look at China or think up table names… She’s your MOH; I’m sure you could have a good talk over some wine and everything will be back to fabulous.

Post # 10
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

just a thought — is your Maid/Matron of Honor married yet? do you think she could be living out her wedding plans vicariously through you?

you’re doing exactly what i’m doing for exactly the same reasons. and what alot of other brides are doing too! no worries. there are plenty of other details that i’m sure you’re worrying about.

Post # 12
Member
33 posts
Newbee

Okay – this is hilarious and I completely understand.  I have a horrible time trying to dress other people (because I dress other people everyday, right.  Doesn’t everyone?)  My instructions to my Maid/Matron of Honor (my only attendant) were: "black dress, don’t buy anything new, wear something from your closet."  Done.  To other people that I’ve told this to, the most common response is, "Interesting."  I really could care less at this point – put a black dress on, find some shoes, let’s do a shot together before I walk down the aisle.  Details, schmetails!

Post # 13
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

My dad keeps reminding me that a year from now nobody will remember.  The thing is, its totally true.  I helped my sister do her planning, and I have to look at the pictures to remember what the flowers looked like (except that there were red roses in my bouquet).  Were there centerpieces?  Were there flowers on every table?  Did my dad wear a tux or a suit?  What did my mother wear?  What did the invitations look like?  I have no idea.  Of course that was 4 years ago.  The things I remember are:  how much fun we all had at the RD; how freakin’cold it was doing pictures outside the church in Santa Fe at the end of November; and that one of the BMs had a cold and was afraid she would cough during the ceremony so we hid coughdrops in her bouquet.

Post # 15
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

oh. my. gawd.

seriously? she seriously said that? 

you can’t really do anything but laugh. just make sure her ginormous boobs aren’t popping out in all your photos.

Post # 16
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Oh too funny.  My Maid/Matron of Honor (who is also my sister) is breast feeding, and so keeps reminding me that whatever dress we decide upon has to be "boob-minimizing."  And apparently when you are breast feeding there is also some amazing change in size over the course of the day…  boobs get bigger and then *poof* suddenly smaller again.  I have less than no idea how to deal with that. 

I hope your MOH is getting them done a ways before the wedding so they won’t still look like inflata-boobs.

And I am really intrigued by the flask-in-the bouquet.  Must investigate further. 

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