- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2008
You guys always have the best advice, I’m hoping you can send some my way:
I found out that one of my very best friends is about to propose to his girlfriend. I’m very happy for him, she’s a wonderful girl, but…
I’m also still very fond of, and close with, his ex-girlfriend. They broke up less than a year ago after several great years together because he wasn’t ready to get married and start a family, and it seems like, in less than a year, he’s changed his mind and is ready to take the plunge with the new girl. His ex-girlfriend is an incredible, kind-hearted person. I really can’t say enough good things about her. She has moved on after the breakup, but it hasn’t been easy. It completely upended her life: she never wanted to break up, she just felt like she had to because he wasn’t looking for marriage and kids like she was. I don’t think she’ll be bitter about his engagement, but I do think she’ll be kind of shattered. Maybe I’m just projecting because I know I would be devastated if I were in the same situation?
My friend’s soon-to-be-fianceé seems really great as well, I really like her and I think they’re great together, but it’s been harder for me to feel as close to her, probably because of my fondness for his ex-gf.
My questions are:
A. Should I gently warn my friend’s ex that he’s about to propose to his new girlfriend? I’ve tried asking him to keep it on the DL, but he will have none of it, and does not seem concerned that shouting the news from the rooftops will hurt his ex./p>
B. If my friend and his soon-to-be fiancée want to involve me in wedding stuff, what should I do? I love my friend dearly, DEARLY, but I don’t want to hurt anyone. I want to support them, but I’m not happy with all the decisions he’s made lately. And I don’t want to seem disloyal to his ex.
What do you think I should do? How can I handle things in a way that’s respectful to my friend, his new fiancée, and his ex whom I really care about?