- 9 years ago
- Wedding: October 2009
Hi there bees. I’m hoping someone can help me with what is kind of a touchy situation. Bear with me, this could be long because I’m confused.
My fiance has children – two boys ages 9 & 13 that wll be at the wedding. I’m looking for ideas to incorporate them in the ceremony. The reverend so far has suggested including them in the ‘sand ceremony’ (kind of Aruba’s version of a unity candle), an idea I like. But I’d also like to go a step further and say some vows to them. First of all, I want to thank them for sharing their dad. But I’m stuck on the rest – what else to say and how to say it.
I don’t want to vow to be ‘a good step-mother’ – I don’t want to have the word mother in there because they are of course protective of their own mother and I don’t want them to feel like I’m trying to intrude. Also, a vow to ‘love them’ might still be awkward because we still don’t really know each other that well. We haven’t spent enough time together for bonds to form between us. I do believe they are excited about the wedding and tell my fiance they want me around more and have even said they’d like to help with wedding plans. (Our relationship is currently long distance.)
So — I vow to what? Be there if they need me? To look out for them? To what else? I don’t want to make it too drawn out and ‘mushy’ and make them uncomfortable, but want to make sure they see that I’m committing to this relationship with them too. And I’m not sure I know them well enough to personalize it much, though I was thinking about throwing in a joke about even being a good sport about the occasional ‘guy flick’ they have fun torturing me with (The Incredible Hulk has got to be one of the worst movies ever!) And how does something like that actually work — would we say our vows to each other and then maybe the Reverend says “And now the bride has some vows of her own she’d like to share…”? I was wondering if I should have something to give them, but what would be a sentimental keepsake for boys? Maybe a handwritten copy of those vows (maybe given later along with a photo of all of us)?
And last – I don’t want to ask my fiance for help — I’d like this to be a surprise for him too! I know it will mean a lot to him to have the children acknowledged and think it would be even more memorable if it was a surprise.
So if anyone has done something ilke this or seen it I’d really appreciate the advice. Thanks so much!