- 9 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010
(sorry this got so long…just a bit :/ about the whole thing!)
Could use your advice/feedback/reactions.
You know that part of some ceremonies when the officant says something to the effect of “Bride and Groom think of their family members who aren’t here today, to enjoy this special occasion: Bride’s Grandma Lillian who no doubt is looking down on her granddaughter today and especially enjoying the hydrangeas Bride is carrying, her favourite flower, and Groom’s brother who is serving his country in Iraq…”?
Well, I started thinking about this the other day. None of my grandparents are living and my biological father has passed away. Mr Farmerfen’s grandparents have died, he wasn’t close to any of them. I was wondering how/if we include these sentements, knowing our lists would be quite lengthy, and perhaps lopsided. So, I asked Mr Farmerfen about this. ‘What about your grandparents?, do you think you’ll be missing them that day?’
And he came back with a most startling response, which has really affected me and I’m not quite sure what to do…with my emotions, with the situation, etc. He said, “The only perosn I will be missing that day is my dad. Because the person who is there in his body isn’t my dad, and that’s a real shame because I know he would have really enjoyed the day.” You see, my future Father-In-Law has Alzheimer’s. He is 63.
Do we acknowledge this during this ‘we’re missing ____’ section? Do we allude to it? Part of me is like ‘goodness no!, don’t draw attention to it’ but I also think if it was stated ‘indirectly’ and from a point of love and regret, it could really honour the bond that Farmerfen & his dad once had, which of course, is getting weaker by the day. Sigh. What to do?
Has anyone experienced such a situation? Any ideas? Concerns? Advice? Feeling more than a bit :/
ps. He has lost all short term memory, is definitely more than forgetful, sometimes gets Farmerfen’s name wrong, doesn’t know where he is if away from home, can’t track what the ‘plan’ is (we might have a caregiver come as a guest, so his mum can really relax andenjoy the day and not have to worry about his wandering, etc.)