(Closed) acknowledging those who are no longer with us…

posted 9 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

I don’t really have any ideas on this but just wanted to send you a hug.  That sounds like a really difficult situation and I think it is a really nice idea to have a caregiver come help that day.  An unfamiliar situation with lots of people could be taxing on him and your Mother-In-Law. 

Post # 5
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

We are having a memorial table with pictures of our grandparents and other family members. Nothing fancy about the table just pictures and a few vases. You could do something similar and include pictures of your Future Father-In-Law with his parents. I hope this helps and I am sending you hugs πŸ™‚

Post # 6
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

We did a moment of silence during the ceremony for my mom and our grandparents.

Post # 7
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

We’re Catholic, so we included them in prayers of the faithful.  We had a prayer for the deceased, including my grandfather, and one for military members, where we prayed for BIL, who was luckily able to get leave and make it πŸ™‚

Post # 8
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would be reluctant to describe him as “missing” if he is there.  Even if he is lacking in memory, that could be enough to get him to stand up and object, which could really confuse everyone.

In some religions, there is a separate prayer for the sick, that might work in this situation.  Or if the wedding is not religious, you could work on something similar.

Post # 9
Member
9 posts
Newbee

Wow, that is really tough, I’m so sorry for you loss.  In Japan, they light lanterns on the water for the dead.  It might be touching (and pretty) to get a number of different height vases with water and place floating candles in them on the alter or other table up front.  And then in your program list out who you are remembering.

Post # 10
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m going to have a memory area at my reception too.  And I’ll be carrying a photo charm of my dad so he is still somehow walking me down the aisle.

Post # 11
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I don’t think there is anyway to acknowledge this in front of your Future Father-In-Law without running the risk of offending him.  Your FI’s feelings are completely understandable, but I wouldn’t express them at the wedding in that way.  Maybe a donation to an Alzheimer’s non-profit in lieu of favors would be more appropriate. 

As for the recognition of loved ones who have passed, I don’t think it matters whether it is lopsided or not.  Recognize the people you want to.

Post # 12
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I like the idea of having photos of your Fiance with his parents somewhere. It’s a good way to subtly acknowledge it – and you could include some of you with your parents as well so it doesn’t look out of place, but you’re still acknowledging your parents. I also think the idea of donating to a non-profit or to a Alzheimer’s research foundation would be great.

I can definitely sympathize with what you are going through – my grandmother had Alzheimer’s and it was very difficult on the whole family. It’s so sad and I’m sorry you guys are having to see him like that. It’s hard.

Post # 13
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

I think the donation to the Alzheimers research foundation in lieu of favors is a really great one.  Those that are closest to you and your Fiance will understand the reference without it potentially upsetting your future Father-In-Law.  I think it’s really sweet how much you want to honor your FI’s relationship with him at the wedding.  One of the things that first attracted me to my guy was how caring he was towards his parents and I know it must be really hard to watch someone you love go through such a poignant loss. 

Post # 15
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

Make sure there is someone specific to watch or be w/your father in law who is  not family.  You may  have to pay someone, and it will be well worth it!  None of your guests would want to  miss the wedding fun.

I think applauding his wife is a great idea.  Very tactful.  Everyone there knows what is going on, as you said, so the elephant in the room should be addressed. Nicely thought out!

I like the idea of photographs, it is better than nice!  If all the deceased were  happily marrired it would be nice to have their wedding photos.

I’d dispense w/the candles ebcause it’s one more thing to think about.  I’d keep all the ‘memory’ inthe chapel…assign one person to set up and take down…and keep the reception for ‘today’ and fun.

 

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