Post # 1
My mom just got an e-mail from the mom of one of my high school friends (who I haven’t seen or spoken to in over a decade) asking if there’s a shower for me, and saying that she’d love to come even if she’s not invited to the wedding, and she’d love to see the ceremony even if she isn’t invited to the reception.
On the one hand, she is saying that she wants to come to the shower and ceremony with no expectation of being invited to the reception.
On the other hand, surely she knows that “shower only” or “ceremony only” invitations aren’t an acceptable thing to do, so if we invite her to the shower, we have to invite her to the whole sha-bang.
I have nothing against this person, she’s perfectly nice, but I haven’t kept in touch with her or her kid, and the wedding budget is stretched to its absolute limits as it is. I feel like we’re caught between a rock and a hard place. Either invite her, or look like monsters. (“Can you believe it? I sent them this nice e-mail saying how much sunflower means to me and they won’t even invite me to the shower?”)
What would you do?
Post # 2
sunflower22: “I am so sorry, but we are unable to extend an invitation. We know that you will understand .”
Post # 3
I really think you can go either way here. Were you close with this Mom when you were friends with her daughter? Maybe she just wants to buy you a gift because she likes weddings and wants to celebrate with you. It sounds like she has indicated she isn’t expecting an invite to the wedding.
To put it in perspective, a few years ago when one of my best friends got married a lot of the ladies from our church wanted to give her shower gifts. She was a young bride and not having the wedding in the church or inviting more than family and close friends, but they still wanted to celebrate with her. We ended up hosting a seperate shower in the church parlour room just with these women. I think there were maybe 20 in attendance and only one had an invite to the wedding. They brought lovely gifts and had a great time.
My Mom has bought gifts for my friends who are getting married without any expectations to be invited. Perhaps it is just a generational thing?
Post # 4
How big is your wedding? You can just say it’s going to be a small wedding to get off the hook.
Post # 5
sunflower22: Honestly– if this was someone whom you didn’t like- I’d say tell them you’re simply not able to extend an invite. But if it’s just this one person, and you’d rather not come off looking like a b*tch, just extend ONE invite, no guest- to her.
I had to suck up a couple people who invited themselves to our wedding last minute…..and I feel like in the end, it was right thing to do to keep the peace.
Post # 6
Same with me. My mom and MIL invited people to the shower that weren’t invited to the wedding… now I have to ask an extra 12 people… ugh. Anyways, I would invite her to keep the peace.