(Closed) Acting like a mom vs. being a wife

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My husband has been known to say (all to often), “Yes, Mom!”, when responding to something I’ve said.  I can see why he thinks I’m being overly Motherly.  There have been times when I’m gone for the day, I have to remind him to make himself something to eat.  I even have to go so far as to tell him how easy I’ve made it for him to just assemble a sandwhich, or put the tupperware in the microwave.  He claims he doesn’t need that reminder- but he’s gone all day without eating if I’m not there, like he’s my toddler or something.  For the most part he appreciates my nuturing nature, but sometimes he gets annoyed.  There are times where he views it as being condescending (sometimes I totally am, not gonna lie, but he’s such a airhead sometimes!)  I’m trying to me more conscious of it, and stop myself before I say anything. 

Post # 4
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think thats part of being a wife personally.  Guys need girls in their life (wife or mother) to let them know whats up! 

Post # 5
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah, sometimes I feel the need to take care of him, especially when it comes to eating because his choices are so unhealthy when left unedited. However, I don’T do his laundry or clean up after him. We each do our own laundry and share cleaning duties quite well.

Post # 6
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

Haven’t you heard that married men live longer than single men? How do you think it’s possible? It’s because of the ‘gentle reminders’ that we give them (oh no, I did not hear someone use the word ‘nag’) Anyhow, yes, I do that. But then it depends, I sometimes, well, actually, a lot of times I do step away and let him look, dress and act how he wants to. Hello? He’s older than I am and he managed to keep himself alive and function for years before he met me.

Post # 7
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009 - Byodo-In Temple, Luau Reception

I “nag” the hubbers all the time, telling him I feel like his mom. They guy only has 2 real consistant chores, clean your bathroom (yes, he technically has his own bathroom. He shaves and cuts his own hair in there, so there is always hair everywhere) and take out the trash (although he usually does his own laundry too). Why I need to remind him to take the trash out when it’s obviously overflowing is beyond me. But just as he probably hates to be “nagged”, I hate doing it. Don’t get me wrong, he does sometimes surprise me by vacumning or putting the dishes away (I usually notice right away that he does this and praise him), but I just wish he would help out more often…without me telling him to.

Post # 8
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I always tell people that I think the secret reason society wants us to get married before having kids is because having a husband is pretty dang close to having a child.

Granted, I only have a husband and not a child, but still, I can definitely see the similarities ๐Ÿ™‚

I HATE HATE HATE to nag.  Growing up my mom was a huge nag and it annoys me to no end. I don’t like having to nag my husband to do things, but he tells me that it doesn’t bother him and he needs me to keep reminding him what to do if I want it to get done.

We’ve recently started a system of me putting sticky notes on the remote with what he needs to do so that he can’t forget!!

I think the line of wife/mom gets blurred sometimes for sure!

Post # 9
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

IMO wife and mother used to be way too close in the past so I too try hard to stick to what I define as the appropriate wife non mother role.

If its a very important meeting – yup I’d remind him about his shirt.  But for an important meeting he’d probably remember himself. On an everyday basis – he’s an adult –  he managed to hold down a job and do well for himself before he ever met me – it is his choice.

Also, since his boss commented he’ll probably pay more attention now all on his own.

I think taking on the mother role has an unfortunate side effect of lack of respect – children can’t take care of themselves – it is not okay with me if I’m treated like a child or if my Fiance is treated like a child.  Respect is very important to me in my relationship. 

I couldn’t respect him if I didn’t think he was a basically competent human being.

I’m totally baffled by how some women move in with a man who has lived alone for 5-10 years and suddenly think that without them taking care of him he’ll starve etc.  (Not saying anyone here is that extreme – but I’ve seen it).

Post # 10
Member
3667 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Ladies… didn’t you know “NAG” is an acronym? It stands for “Necessary Advice Giving.” Tongue out

Post # 12
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m big on letting him stand and fall on his own. I guess I do some momly *but i’d also say wifely* things like i do all of our grocery shopping, cooking, and laundry. But I don’t iron for him. I don’t remind him to do x or y unless it is important to me. if he wants to be wrinkled he can be wrinkled. if he wants to forget to call his parents it is on him not me. 

Post # 13
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@jennifer_espos: seriously are we twins or what?! i couldn’t have described myself any different! down to the assembling of the sandwich… LOL

one of the reasons we work so well together is that Fiance likes the spoiling and i like dishing it out… i’ve created my own monster tho! ๐Ÿ˜› and of course he wants the nurturing for the things he wants it for… and when it’s not… it’s the “YES MOM” “YES BOSS” response. ๐Ÿ˜›

i’m def workin on not being controlling, condescending, or overly nurturing. he is a grown ass man after all.

Post # 14
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009 - Byodo-In Temple, Luau Reception

@nyebride: I’ve tried this (if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em), but him having facial hair ALL over the bathroom that our guests sometimes use is just disgusting and he apparently doesn’t think so. :oP I’ll nag the hell out of him to clean it up, before I will. ;o)

@QueenBecca037: I’m big on the “honey do” lists too. I often leave them for him on the computer so he sees them first thing in the morning. They work 80% of the time. ;o)

Post # 15
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@missjyc– that’s too funny!  We do tend to have a lot in common!  I think I’ve created a monster too.  I enjoy taking care of him to a certain extent, but then there are things that I feel he should have down… like putting his laundry away!  ๐Ÿ™‚

Last night my husband said, “You’re going to be a great mother”.  I hope he’s right, but it was just his clever way of getting me to stop being motherly at that moment.   

Post # 16
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

I’m big on “keeping it real” if my SO starts walking out the door looking like a hot mess- then I tell him. 

There is this guy at my office who never shaves or irons his shirt and I always wonder why his wife won’t say anything to him. I know it bothers our boss, so at what cost is she “letting him be big boy?” IMHO- nagging is love- as long as you keep annoyance to a minimum.

 

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