(Closed) ACTUALLY Paying for Your Plate? Anyone heard of this?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

smoocheepoo:  I’m sure that would be an awkward surprise for the Bride and Groom! I hope they had a plan to pay for the walk outs! 


the idea makes sense but I want to host  guests and I look forward to receiving gifts. 🙂 shallow and traditional but that’s the day I look forward to 🙂

Post # 17
4037 posts
Honey bee

I would love to pay only $70 p.p. to attend. That’s a real bargain, compared to weddings around here. We give $200-400, for the two of us, depending on our closeness, to the couple.

Post # 18
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Saint Domingue

chigirl217bride:  I was invited to a wedding of an incredibly awkward coworker and the invite stated we could buy meals for purchase at the reception.  I soooo wanted to go because I was so curious, but didn’t.  Also, I’d never heard of such a thing. 

Post # 19
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2002

This is infamous in our family,  a wedding invite that stated “bring a dish to pass “


Post # 20
9456 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

bahnebee:  pot luck weddings aren’t all that uncommon, especially for our parents generation I think–several of my close friends’ parents had pot luck receptions back in the day.

Post # 21
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Wow seriously? That’s very rude and I would refuse to pay to attend a wedding. I wonder how many people would attend / pay for such a wedding…

Gifts shouldn’t be the expectation either, but etiquette-wise one should purchase a gift. 

People who charge for their weddings are tactless.

Post # 22
6524 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

chigirl217bride:  no, but i would send that decline RSVP back so fast!!!!!!

you don’t ask your guests to pay their way to YOUR wedding.

Post # 23
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: garden/backyard - July 9, 2016

I’ve been to one – they were young and broke and this was what they decided to do.  It didn’t work out well, I think they ended up paying for 40% of the dinners as so many people left without paying.

Post # 24
1113 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

smoocheepoo:  I rented a restaurant for my wedding and it was exactly like this… But we paid for everything. It seems steange to me this couple  didn’t pick up the tab!

Post # 25
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

chigirl217bride:  If we received an invitation like this, I would actually have no hesitation in checking “no” and writing the following response on the card: “We will be so sad to miss your special day! To be honest, though, we just couldn’t stomach the thought of paying $70 for a meal when we could probably get a better one for $30 at Olive Garden. Again, we’re so sorry to miss it. We know it will be beautiful.” Hahahah but that’s just me!

Post # 26
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Wow! That is incredibly rude and surprising. Although in reality that’s cheaper than any wedding I have been to so if they were family maybe I would go…. and they’d end up with a smaller gift than they would have if they hadn’t written down the price!

Post # 27
36 posts
  • Wedding: August 2016 - Liberty House

I always try to “cover my plate” when attending a wedding–meaning I give a gift of what I guess would be more than the per person cost of the wedding reception (this usually equates to $150-200, depending on how close I am to them–$300-400 if I include my FI). That being said, I would NEVER expect to see a request like that on a wedding invite! That is just rude. If they can’t afford to have a wedding where they don’t have to charge cover for guest attendance, then they should just plan something that they CAN afford.

Post # 29
1377 posts
Bumble bee

2XMOB:  Same with us. Its rare in the city I love to find a a venue that will charge under $100 pp. Its closer to $125-150 a plate. We usually give $300 cash at the wedding regardless.

Post # 30
1301 posts
Bumble bee

2XMOB:  Oh I guarantee that’s $70 on TOP of expected gifts. 

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