(Closed) ACTUALLY Paying for Your Plate? Anyone heard of this?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 61
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

MeandMyLouboutins:  oops, i just saw your follow up response. I suspected it might be Canadian based. I have friends from up there who told me that it is customary too

Post # 62
1184 posts
Bumble bee

I know some people say you cover yor plate through your gift but I don’t. I give generously what I can afford. I wouldn’t give less because somebody had a back garden reception and wouldn’t over stretch myself because somebody wants a flashy evening do. 

Post # 63
4562 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Even though I typically give more than $70 (quite a bit more if I can), if I was asked to pay for my plate/bar tab, I wouldn’t give a gift at all, aside from a card. I can’t think of another event where I would have to pay my way and still be expected to give a gift. I wonder if this couple expects gifts? Do they not trust their guests to be generous, so they’re setting a fee?

I think the worst part about this is that there a more affordable options that a sit-down dinner – e.g., brunch or lunch reception, cocktail reception, cake and punch receptions… why should I have to pay because they didn’t pick something that fit their budget?

Post # 64
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I’ve never recieved an invite that specifically asked for us to pay for our own way. But* at a lot of the chinese weddings I’ve attended, it is customary for my family to give $100 per person that is attending the wedding. So if my dad, mom and I attended my cousin’s wedding we would gift the couple $300. That being said, if I was asked in the invite to specfically pay a certain amount to be allowed to attend, I would be turned off as I see it as not proper ettique. 

Post # 65
325 posts
Helper bee

Um no that’s very tackly. Asking someone to spend money to come down to a wedding, possibly buy a gift and then pay for their own meal? Yuck. I just couldn’t fathom asking my guest to celebrate my day with me and pay for their own meal. 

Post # 66
1325 posts
Bumble bee

Meh, if I liked the people enough to want to attend their wedding then I’d pay it and go and wouldn’t be even slightly “offended” – how touchy do you have to be too take this so personally?  Same as if a friend had a birthday party at a restaurant, I’d expect to pay for myself. 

They wouldn’t be getting a gift though. XD

Post # 67
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Sheesh. Personally I think that’s pretty tacky, unless it’s an established part of your culture or something. You are supposed to try to hit that value in your gift (if you can of course) but I’ve never seen it outright asked for before. Of course I never know exactly what the per head is in a wedding, and I feel like my Fiance and I have been low a few times and I feel guilty about that.

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