(Closed) Addicted, Broke, and the Love of My Life

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes, you are being crazy. You are also, completely 100% enabling him to continue living his lifestyle instead of realizing he needs help. You’re being a mother, not a significant other. You shouldn’t be considering ANY kind of future with this man until he gets his act together. Love for someone is not enough reason to stay with them.

Post # 19
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Also – having a “good side” does not make his alcoholism better. That, and his lack of earning (or wanting to earn more) overshadows any and ALL “good” things about him. Think of yourself. Think of your [future] kids.

Post # 20
Member
2344 posts
Buzzing bee

@notgreatatnames:  I can’t believe you even think marrying him is an option at this point. He’s going to drag you down and ruin your life. There’s no doubt about it

Post # 21
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@notgreatatnames:  I do not quite understand why/how you guys are even together.  It sounds he is taking advantage of you, and you are letting him. 

Post # 22
Member
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

While ice cream and “I love yous” are nice, they aren’t going to pay the bills or help his alcoholism. I can assure you, there are countless men out there who will hold your hand, tell you they love you, and buy you ice cream, who AREN’T broke debt-ridden alcoholics.

Post # 23
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

“or how many times I have gone out to find the dog after he passed out with the door open.”

It can be pretty scary when you realize your dog is missing/got loose.  But what if it was a child?  I can’t even begin to imagine how much scarier it would be if you had to worry about that happening with a child…

Post # 24
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@renwoman:  +1. I grew up with 2 alcoholics for parents. I don’t wish that on anyone. Believe me when I say he needs to get sober or you will be divorced.

Post # 25
Member
2478 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

Post # 26
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@babypearls:  I completely agree with all of this

Post # 27
Member
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Do you have Kaiser Pemanente health insurance by any chance? They have a really good family program that supports people who have loved ones battling addiction. They go in depth on the mechanics of addiction, relapse, and how it effects you as a codependent. If not, look into AlAnon. It will help you get some perspective on this situation.

It sounds like you are addicted to the romance of the drama with this guy. Nothing good is going to come out of this relationship. RUN. And get some support.

Post # 28
Member
443 posts
Helper bee

@Fireferret:  This times a thousand.

I think you are blinded by your love of this man. You can list his great attributes ’til your blue in the face it doesn’t change the fact that right now this man should not be caring for a dog let alone another person.

What happens if you lose your job or something happens to you. Will he be able to support you or care for you?

Like others have said, love is not enough.

Post # 29
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@notgreatatnames:  Aww, tears came to my eyes when I read this. This is so sad. I feel sorry for you. I really think that you mean well, but you are just too naive to see that he is using you. Of course I love yous and ice cream are nice, but you deserve more than that. Being broke and being an alcoholic does not mean bad seeds; it means a rotting apple and you’ve got to get him help before it’s too late. Let him go, if you love him. Let him go, so he can get better. Let him go, so you can find someone who truly loves you.

Post # 30
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@notgreatatnames:  as someone who grew up in an alcoholic household and dated almost solely addicts before Fiance trust me when I say this. 

You only need to do one thing right now. Go to an alanon meeting.  If you don’t have the strength to do anything else, get your ass to an alanon meeting. Today. I promise you, it will help. I thought the whole thing was so pointless and hokey until I actually went. It changed my life. 

Post # 31
Member
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@notgreatatnames:  I think you are being crazy but not in the way that you’re suggesting. It would be crazy to marry this person and delaying the wedding is one of the sane points in your post. He is bring absolutely nothing to the table and he is completely taking advantage of you. If you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who won’t contribute financially, is dependent on a substance, and would be a terrible role model for your children then feel free. But do remember that when you make your bed you have to lay in it so I would think long and hard about how a future with him would be and if you are prepared for it.

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