Post # 1
My fiance and I had originally decided on a 2-person wedding party: my younger sister as Maid/Matron of Honor, and his younger brother as best man. Very small and smiple. I’m now considering asking my best friend to also stand up with me—she’s been amazingly helpful and supportive, going dress-shopping, giving me advice. We’ve been best friends since 6th grade. It is also becoming a little lopsided because my sister is only 17 and is still in high school living at home 4 hours from me, so my friend who lives 15 minutes away is actually doing way more of the “MOH” duties just out of excitement and support for me (she’s amazing). This is raising some complicated questions, particularly because my friend really understands and doesn’t expect to be made a bridesmaid, but I want her to feel honored for her contribution to the wedding.
–should I leave my sister Maid/Matron of Honor for the family connection and make my friend a bridesmaid, or should I make them co-MOHs?
–could I honor my friend in some other way like a toast and flowers at the reception? Or does ettiquette dictate that she should really be a bridesmaid considering how much effort she is investing?
–I am buying my younger sister’s dress and shoes since she is young and not yet financially independent, in leiu of a bridesmaid gift. So, would I need to do the same for my friend? My friend is an employed college grad in her early 20s.
–my fiance would also add one of his closest friends to his side, if I add my friend. He was similarly going to buy his brother’s suit (also 17 and in high school), so would he also have to buy his friend’s suit to be consistent? His friend is a mid-20s PhD student with a very secure financial situation.
–My fiance’s friend was also going to run the sound at our reception (he’s an electrical engineer). Would it be too much to ask of his friend to be run the sound AND be a groomsman? Or would making him a groomsman actually make more sense because they he gets recognized for his help by standing up with us?
Many thanks for helping me sort this out!
Post # 3
@Valdrine: Okay you have so much time to decide on this since your wedding is in 2013 but I will give you my honest thoughts. First, be careful deciding too quick the worst thing I did was decide to ask everyone way too early and there has been many issues already but my case is a little different since I have 6 girls!. Second I think that it is a very good idea to add your friend, if neither are married have both be maids of honor and if one is then do one maid of honor and one matron of honor. I have both as my little sister is 19 maid of honor and my best friend married is my matron of honor. Then just split the duties with them too if you like. She will be even more excited for you, she sounds like an awesome friend and she deserves to be a part of it and so does the other groomsman. To answer your dress and tux question…. I would ask them both which they prefer for you to do pay for their attire or a gift instead? Most people just like honesty and prefer the choice! For the groomsmen and running the sound…. I think your fiance should also be honest and ask him how he feel about the situation, tell him you would love for him to be standing next to him but also understand he is running the sound, does he feel he can do both or does he want to just do one or the other. See what he says and then go from there. Anyway, sorry to say so much.
Post # 4
That is super helpful! Yeah, my friend is not yet married so they could definitely be co-MOHs. You’re right about not deciding too early, I’m glad I have lots of time to think! And you’re right I should probably just ask about the attire and sound and stuff, they are super relaxed, not etiquette-conscious people and would definitely just tell us their honest opinions.
Post # 5
I don’t have a Maid/Matron of Honor. I have my sister, who lives 2 hours away. My Boyfriend or Best Friend from when I was like 3. Another good friend, and my Boyfriend or Best Friend now. I couldn’t pick, they will each be written down for what they are. Best friend, best childhood friend, best teenaged friend, Sister.
Post # 6
I like how straightforward that is! Great idea!