Post # 1
Mr. K and I got engaged in January. As soon as we were engaged we had a line up for our bridal party. We decided on 3 bridesmaids and 3 groomsman plus a jr. bridesmaid/groomsman.
Details don’t especially matter but there has been an issue from day one with the fact that my Fiance didn’t ask a couple of key guys in his life to be groomsman. Mr. K and I brushed it off and were happy with our original decision. The past few weeks, there has been some discussion about adding these guys to our bridal party.
Now – I know that some of you will say “you don’t have to have the same number of bridesmaids/groomsman” but my Fiance & I are on stuck on it being “symetrical”. My issue is that I have multiple friends that I have not hung out with in a couple of years because of distance but still remain near & dear to my heart. I am actually going to be seeing all of them in a few weeks for a girls “get together”. If we go ahead with adding to the bridal party – how do I ask the couple of girls I intend to ask without it seeming like they were waitlisted? Is it akward to ask “close friends” of yours that you havn’t spoken to in a couple of years to be one of your bridesmaids?
Has anyone else been in this position? *UGH* Just another thing to stress about!
Thanks for your help ladies!
Post # 3
@MrsKoffee: I’ve been through Bridesmaid or Best Man drama and only last week added my college roommate/lifelong friend to the bridal party. We were engaged in October, and I even saw her in January where we talked about my wedding/MOH. I explained to her that Fiance really wanted to honor some of his lifelong friends and that I would be so happy if she would join my side. She was so excited and there was no awkwardness. I think because your wedding is still 7 months away and if you explain how the party has grown your girls will be happy to be included 🙂
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
I was a waitlisted bridesmaid for an overseas wedding (one bm dropped out because she got pregnant and then would be too pregnant to fly overseas for the wedding). To be honest, the girl was such a good friend of mine that I was thrilled to be able to “step up” into the role that I wouldn’t have had if her pregnant Bridesmaid or Best Man didn’t get pregnant.
But that’s just it—we were such good friends that it didn’t bother me much. I’m not sure how I’d feel if it were a friend of mine that I haven’t seen in a long time or don’t keep in frequent touch with. Being a bridesmaid is an honor but it is VERY expensive for the average gal.
That said, that’s neither here nor there for your potential waitlisted bms. Do they know that you’ve already chosen your other bridesmaids a while ago? Is there any way to make it seem organic—you didn’t want to ask them until you saw them in person? That’s a legitimate excuse. Maybe give them a small gift and a card and emphasize that you wanted to ask them when you saw them in person, and not over the phone?
And, try not to bring this up to your current bridesmaids…if you talk about the “waitlist” situation, they might let it slip on accident and it would be awkward. If you can just let everyone know that the only reason you didn’t ask the remaining girls is because you wanted to do it in person, it might seem pretty organic!
Post # 5
@MrsKoffee: I think you could sort of make it seem like you were waiting to do it in person?
Post # 6
@MrsKoffee:I have been the waitlisted bridesmaid! My very good friend and roommate in college selected 6 bridesmaids to be in her wedding, including two sisters-in-law who were both trying to conceive. I was very hurt at the time and because I think she knew it and didn’t want to confront the situation, we kept in touch only very sporadically in the months following.
A few months before her wedding, her 20 week pregnant SIL stated her pregnancy was too bad and she wouldn’t be able to be in the wedding.
Someone gave me a heads up that she was going to ask me to step in and I was sure that when she asked I was going to say no! She did a very good job, however, of rekindling our friendship and explaining the situation – and expressed with extreme sincerity that she was devastated in the first place that she had to exclude me (I don’t understand this fully to this day, but whatever!).
I happily obliged and was thrilled to be a part of such a good friend’s wedding. It DID feel a little awkward knowing I was last picked among the other 5 BMs, but I made the best of it.
Sorry for the longggg anecdote. Hopefully it helps guide your decision!
Post # 7
Oh you ladies are fabulous! I debated for 3 days on whether or not I should even post this question because I didn’t want to be ridiculed for this situation… instead you all just made me feel better about the situation!
It seems silly but I never thought about passing it off as “wanted to wait to see you in person” – and to be honest I did wait until I was able to see all of my current ladies in person before asking so I guess it should have crossed my mind.
I guess I kind of got in my own way with this one! THANKS AGAIN LADIES! 🙂
Post # 8
I was sort in this situation. A friend of mine who was going to be a bridesmaid died in December and a few weeks ago I asked a friend to be in my wedding so there would be even amount of BM’s and GM’s in the wedding party.
Post # 9
The other thing to consider in this situation is… Do your friends know that you have already selected other BMs? I have had a bridesmaid drop out and I’m considering asking someone else to replace her, but I have not made it widely known that I have chosen my bridal party – so for all she knows, I am only asking people now.
Post # 10
Why don’t you ask them in a way that shows how special they are to you?
If they know you love them, and that they are the ones you want to stand up as your rock on the most important day of your life, then you won’t have to worry about them feeling waitlisted.
Post # 11
I agree with AmeliaBedilia. Just tell them you wanted to ask them in person to stand up. It makes complete sense and no one will question it.
Post # 12
@AmeliaBedelia: I think this is a good idea and a good way to prevent the potential awkwardness of her feeling like a backup choice.If she’s excited about it, I doubt she would question when you chose to ask her!