(Closed) Adding Bridesmaids without seeming like they were “waitlisted”?

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1909 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@MrsKoffee: I’ve been through Bridesmaid or Best Man drama and only last week added my college roommate/lifelong friend to the bridal party. We were engaged in October, and I even saw her in January where we talked about my wedding/MOH. I explained to her that Fiance really wanted to honor some of his lifelong friends and that I would be so happy if she would join my side. She was so excited and there was no awkwardness. I think because your wedding is still 7 months away and if you explain how the party has grown your girls will be happy to be included 🙂

Good luck!

Post # 4
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

I was a waitlisted bridesmaid for an overseas wedding (one bm dropped out because she got pregnant and then would be too pregnant to fly overseas for the wedding). To be honest, the girl was such a good friend of mine that I was thrilled to be able to “step up” into the role that I wouldn’t have had if her pregnant Bridesmaid or Best Man didn’t get pregnant.

But that’s just it—we were such good friends that it didn’t bother me much. I’m not sure how I’d feel if it were a friend of mine that I haven’t seen in a long time or don’t keep in frequent touch with. Being a bridesmaid is an honor but it is VERY expensive for the average gal.

That said, that’s neither here nor there for your potential waitlisted bms. Do they know that you’ve already chosen your other bridesmaids a while ago? Is there any way to make it seem organic—you didn’t want to ask them until you saw them in person? That’s a legitimate excuse. Maybe give them a small gift and a card and emphasize that you wanted to ask them when you saw them in person, and not over the phone?

And, try not to bring this up to your current bridesmaids…if you talk about the “waitlist” situation, they might let it slip on accident and it would be awkward. If you can just let everyone know that the only reason you didn’t ask the remaining girls is because you wanted to do it in person, it might seem pretty organic!

Post # 5
6890 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@MrsKoffee: I think you could sort of make it seem like you were waiting to do it in person?

Post # 6
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@MrsKoffee:I have been the waitlisted bridesmaid! My very good friend and roommate in college selected 6 bridesmaids to be in her wedding, including two sisters-in-law who were both trying to conceive. I was very hurt at the time and because I think she knew it and didn’t want to confront the situation, we kept in touch only very sporadically in the months following.

A few months before her wedding, her 20 week pregnant SIL stated her pregnancy was too bad and she wouldn’t be able to be in the wedding.

Someone gave me a heads up that she was going to ask me to step in and I was sure that when she asked I was going to say no! She did a very good job, however, of rekindling our friendship and explaining the situation – and expressed with extreme sincerity that she was devastated in the first place that she had to exclude me (I don’t understand this fully to this day, but whatever!). 

I happily obliged and was thrilled to be a part of such a good friend’s wedding. It DID feel a little awkward knowing I was last picked among the other 5 BMs, but I made the best of it.

Sorry for the longggg anecdote. Hopefully it helps guide your decision! 

Post # 8
40 posts
  • Wedding: May 2011

I was sort in this situation. A friend of mine who was going to be a bridesmaid died in December and a few weeks ago I asked a friend to be in my wedding so there would be even amount of BM’s and GM’s in the wedding party.

Post # 9
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

The other thing to consider in this situation is… Do your friends know that you have already selected other BMs? I have had a bridesmaid drop out and I’m considering asking someone else to replace her, but I have not made it widely known that I have chosen my bridal party – so for all she knows, I am only asking people now.

Post # 10
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Why don’t you ask them in a way that shows how special they are to you?


If they know you love them, and that they are the ones you want to stand up as your rock on the most important day of your life, then you won’t have to worry about them feeling waitlisted.

Post # 11
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with AmeliaBedilia.  Just tell them you wanted to ask them in person to stand up.  It makes complete sense and no one will question it.

Post # 12
2580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@AmeliaBedelia: I think this is a good idea and a good way to prevent the potential awkwardness of her feeling like a backup choice.If she’s excited about it, I doubt she would question when you chose to ask her!

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