(Closed) Addressing an invite, don't know the spouse personally

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5797 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’d go with the second option (do they live together?). I definitely would not do “& guest”

Post # 4
46 posts

I would opt for 

Mr. John Doe & Ms. Jane Smith

He won’t be confused- as someone getting married he will be getting used to being formally addressed


Post # 5
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@primcess:  You should definitely list his name, although I’m not sure which name should go first. Probably hers?

E.g., Ms. Jane Smith & Mr. John Doe.

Post # 6
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Absolutely use his name if you know it (and find out what it is if you don’t). I’d put her name first – not sure if it matters though. It’s not weird to receive an invitation with your name on it from someone you don’t know but your partner does. It’s quite nice, because it shows that you’re being invited specifically as the important person in your partner’s life, and not just that you get to go to fill in a “plus one” spot.

Post # 8
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If the couple lives together, address the invitation to:

“Mr. John Doe & Ms. Jane Smith”

It’s the order you would use if they were married, after all… just because you don’t know him, doesn’t mean that their relationship doesn’t deserve the customary order.  Ordering them differently than is standard would be particularly apparent to a couple who is reading up on formal correspondence etiquette as they plan a wedding. 

Under no circumstance should you address this envelope “and Guest” – it’s hurtful to not use the name of a guest in an established couple.  (It’s also generally incorrect – every guest should be invited by name.)

If the couple does NOT live together, each of the partners should get an invitation addressed in their own name, at their own home.  If you really think that John won’t know who you & FH are, then you can send his invitation to your friends home – but it should still be a second invitation addressed to Mr. John Doe, c/o  Ms. Jane Smith.

Post # 9
9549 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree with PPs. Definately use his name and I’d put hers first, but I think either way is fine.

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