(Closed) addressing an invite with NO inner envelope

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Not sure if its proper but I put Mr. & Mrs His last name.

Post # 4
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Excuse my ignorance but what does the inner envelope have to do with it?

Post # 5
1325 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Mr. and Mrs. his last name.


If they have kids (and are getting invited) Mr. and Mrs. his last name, kid name, kid name

Post # 6
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think you can also do “and family” if the couple has more than one or two kids and all of the kids are getting invited, to keep the invitation address from getting too long. 

Something to consider, though, in order to clarify exactly how many people are invited, it may be worth your while to include something on the RSVP card, like “2 seats are reserved in your honor” so they know it’s 2 people and not 5.  Just a thought!

Post # 7
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

It’s Mr. & Mrs. John Smith…. just like when you are introduced at the newly wed couple.

Post # 8
10844 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

We just addressed them “John & Jane” and skipped the formality since our wedding was pretty low key.

Post # 9
1692 posts
Bumble bee

First and most important rule for addressing: A person’s name is ALWAYS what he or she says it is, regardless of the etiquette books or your politics. So my mother, for example, was quite happily “Mrs Nestor Phipps” and to call her “Ms Irenee Phipps” would be wrong. My niece-in-law on the other hand *is* “Ms Linda Phipps” even though she is happily married to Mr Darius Phipps.

Second rule: The outer envelope is really a communique between you, and the Postal Service. You are using it to instruct them on where and to whom they are to make delivery. It is a business transaction, so you use the business name of the adult addressee. All the personal and social correspondence, whether formal or informal, is supposed to be inside the envelope (and that, @simpleandchic, is what not having an inner envelope has to do with it.) A business name has title, first name, and last name. In correct social usage one uses either the first name alone– when being informal– or the title with the last name — when being formal.

Third, very obscure rule: in most of the English-speaking world, social correspondence is correctly delivered to the lady of the house, regardless of whom it is addressed to on the inside. In the U.S. (probably because of the “equality” part of that whole “all men are created equal” thyang) social correspondence is addressed equally to both members of a couple.

So: for a couple named John Smith and Jane Smith:

if the wife uses “Mrs John Smith” for her business name, the envelope is correctly addressed to “Mr and Mrs John Smith”;

otherwise, if the wife uses “Ms Jane Smith” for her business name, the envelope is correctly addressed to “Mr John Smith and Ms Jane Smith”.

And no, I’m not making a mistake by putting the gentleman’s name first. This is one of the many situations where “ladies first” does NOT apply. A gentleman goes first in any situation where doing so eases the lady’s way and protects her: crossing a minefield, crossing the restaurant to find a table when their is no Maitre d’ to lead the way, and by silly but inevitable extension when crossing the country together in name only on the back of an envelope.

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