Post # 1
I’m overthinking this but need to know before I send out our formal invites. I hand addressed all of our save the dates and I saw in a couple of those wedding planning books that you should address them: Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe. Then I was just search etiquette forms to get ideas for our invites and read you should never address a woman as Mrs. Jane (first name). STD’s have already gone out but would like to not make the same mistake if I screwed that up. In every day life I always just address the man or women of a couple or Mrs & Mr Doe but want our invitations to be formal and well written. Thanks bees! Also another invitation advise you have, I would greatly appreciate!
Post # 2
I didn’t have a set way of addressing them, (and I didn’t use Mr & Mrs). If I knew the woman took her husband’s name it was Hername & hisname Lastname. If she kept her name it was HerFirst HerLast & HisFirst HisLast. (We added & Family for any children under 3. Kids over 4 years got their own invite, because who doesn’t like getting mail and we had enough. There weren’t that many and they were all neices/nephews.)
The only people who would see each other’s invites (maybe) would be close family. And they should be happy I addressed them at all, I could have just written first names on the envelopes.
We weren’t the most formal, so this probably won’t help. But I would be annoyed if I got an invite that listed me as Mrs. HisFirst OurLast (after we’re married.) I am not John Doe. I’m Jane Doe. You call me Jane when you see me, so I’d like Jane on my invite.
That might just be me though.
Post # 3
Allyg: The only technically correct format is “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe” or “Mr. and Mrs. Doe.”
You are right that “Mrs.” should not be followed by a woman’s first name. And a man’s first name should never be separated from his last name. So “Mr. and Mrs. Jane and John Doe” is incorrect.
With that said, you should always address people as they prefer to be addressed. So if you know that Jane Doe hates being addressed as Mrs. John Doe (as some younger women do), you should address her however she prefers.
Just wanted to add that I don’t think it is a huge deal, especially for younger generations, so I wouldn’t stress about it too much. But to the extent that you are interested in being technically correct with your formal invitations, that is how you do it.
Post # 4
I was very against doing “Mr and Mrs John Doe. So it was either Ms. Jane and Mr. John Doe or Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe if they had different last names. If it was technically incorrect, so be it. I don’t think anyone was too offended! I’m sure your invitations are just fine! 🙂
Post # 5
The actual the correct ways of addressing a married couple with the same last name:<br />1. Mr. and Mrs. John Doe<br />2. Ms. Mary Doe and Mr. John Doe
Post # 6
doeydo: Good call, I forgot to mention that option!
Post # 7
Urgh! I hate the tradition of using his first name for both of you. It’s so outdated that a woman’s only identity is as her husband’s wife and I’d much prefer any style of address to that.
Post # 9
doeydo: so if I did Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe would they go one the same line or two?
Post # 12
For our family and friends who would prefer it, we went with “Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe”. While it may not technically be correct, I think ultimately making your guests happy is the most important thing. So, for our more modern-thinking friends, we went with the above. My old-school aunts and uncles got Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, FI’s grandma got “Mrs. John Doe” since she’s a widow.
Post # 13
Some etiquette books need to get out of the 1950s. Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe is just fine. I’d rather violate 1950s etiquette than offend either person by omitting their first name.
Except for my grandmothers, we just left titles off the invitations altogether, and simply addressed them the same we’d address any other letter or card to them: “John and Jane Doe”.
Post # 14
It should be listed as: Mr. and Mrs. John Doe or Mrs. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe. It’s not proper etiquette to say Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe.
Post # 15
Thanks again, I’m just fruastrated with myself because I would have addressed them what I know know was the proper way but I over thought it, found wrong advice and addressed them poorly. Lol hopefully no one will remember the Save-The-Date Cards and now I know for our invitations!