(Closed) Addressing Envelopes – Why's it all gotta be about the husband?

posted 4 years ago in Paper
Post # 2
Member
3163 posts
Sugar bee

I put everyone’s name like this: Mrs John Smith and Mrs Jane Smith. I realised later the man’s name had been defaulted to being first which upset me as I wanted to list the people alphabetically i.e. Mrs Alice Brown and Mr Zane Brown. Anyways, that’s just how I did it

Post # 4
Member
1790 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club

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nowthisistaken :  We just did like Family Doe. Or initials: J & J Doe. 

Post # 5
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I wrote the women’s names too. Mr and Mrs John and Jane Doe. I put the man’s name first out of habit but I made sure to put the ladies names on there too. As a woman I always love seeing my name on mail. Unless its a bill hehe

Post # 6
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith (avoids the double “and”)

Mr. John Smith and Ms. Jane Doe

Dr. Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith

Dr. Jane and Mr. John Smith

But honestly, we just went with what our crowd likes. The guests we know regardless of age who prefer Mrs. and Mrs. John Smith got that. Others got assorted variations. I stuck less with “etiquette” that would be more offensive and just went with what we know they prefer.

Post # 7
Member
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I hate that as well. Just because I’m getting married doesn’t mean my first name disappears!

Anyways, I’m not an expert, but I think the strictest etiquette guides will say that Ms or Mrs Jane Doe indicates she is divorced whereas Mrs John Doe means married. But the only people I’ve seen on various wedding forums who have actually cared about that have said they were from the south. So take from that what you will. 

Post # 8
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

We just asked everyone how they wanted to be addressed at the same time as asking for their addresses.

Post # 9
Member
2668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

We dropped “Mr & Mrs” on our STDs and addressed them as Jane & John Smith. For couples that aren’t married, we addressed them as Jane Doe & John Smith. We had a few elderly relatives who we kept the title in for (eg Mr John Smith or Ms Jane Doe) but they’re all widowed so there was only one name on the envelope.

Post # 10
Member
951 posts
Busy bee

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JessieFay13 :  We too dropped Mrs & Mr and just did first and last names. So many women have their maiden names, that I o=found this to be a lot easier! 

As for putting the man or the woman first – it usually depended on who had more letters in their name. I did the envelopes by hand, and I needed to measure out the space to center it. 

Post # 11
Member
1382 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

For older couples: Mr & Mrs John Smith (this was really just for grandparents as my grandmothers would have disapproved of anything else)

For parent’s generation: Mr and Mrs John & Jane Smith (or if wife had kept maiden name: Mr John Smith and Mrs Jane Doe) 

For our friends: married friends got same as above with the exception of friends who I knew would prefer the woman’s name first and one friend who was so fed up with being called her husbands name on prior wedding invites despite keeping her maiden name that I did “Mr and Mrs Jane Doe”); unmarried friends got the friend’s name first then partner’s (or alphabetical if equal friends with both)

 

Post # 12
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

I just wrote “Mr & Mrs Smith”

For some of our friends we’ll probably just write “Bob and Rachel” or something, because a lot are unmarried so it looks less messy.

 

Post # 13
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Ugh I hate being referred to as Mrs (Husband’s name). As long as you put my name with or without Mrs as a title Im.happy

Post # 14
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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nowthisistaken :  I totally get this! My future mother in law sent me her family’s addresses with only the husbands name and I refused to address our invites that way. I sat my fiancé down and had him tell me every woman’s name. I think it’s complete bullshit 

Post # 15
Member
10080 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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chocochai :  

‘Ms’ merely  indicates the woman in question doesn’t want to  advertise her marital status in the same way that ‘Mr’ doesn’t advertise a man’s. If some groups have taken to saying  ‘Ms’ indicates a divorceé , that is  not etiquette, it is  sexist  crap (quietly fumes!!! )

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