Post # 1
This has probably been discussed a million times before but I couldn’t find the exact answer I’m looking for.
Planning on getting our STD’s on Monday and I’m going to begin addressing them. I have a list compiled from my parents of their friends and some of our family with names of couples listed like: Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. I realize tradition usually has invitations listed this way, but I think it’s crap and don’t think a couple should be addressed only through the husband’s first name. I don’t have most of the wives’ first names, so if I wanted to include both I’d need to get a new list from my parents (not a big deal to get this though).
For younger couples who are married (our friends and immediate family) I’m going to just address them each by their own names (most haven’t legally changed them or have hyphenated them).
What are your thoughts on this? Would the “proper” way of writing them then be:
1) Mrs. Jane Jone-Smith and Mr. John Smith or Mrs. Jane Smith and Mr. John (if name was changed)
2) Mrs. Jane Smith and Mr. John
I’m writing these all out myself and I have the free time to do it. (So please no comments about “You’re just creating more work for yourself and it will take more time!”)
This topic was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by nowthisistaken. Reason: Changed so the woman is listed before the man in addressing examples
Post # 2
I put everyone’s name like this: Mrs John Smith and Mrs Jane Smith. I realised later the man’s name had been defaulted to being first which upset me as I wanted to list the people alphabetically i.e. Mrs Alice Brown and Mr Zane Brown. Anyways, that’s just how I did it
Post # 3
Oh yeah! I should put the woman’s name first. *facepalm* I will definitely be doing this.
Edited my original post.
Post # 4
- Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club
We just did like Family Doe. Or initials: J & J Doe.
Post # 5
I wrote the women’s names too. Mr and Mrs John and Jane Doe. I put the man’s name first out of habit but I made sure to put the ladies names on there too. As a woman I always love seeing my name on mail. Unless its a bill hehe
Post # 6
Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith (avoids the double “and”)
Mr. John Smith and Ms. Jane Doe
Dr. Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith
Dr. Jane and Mr. John Smith
But honestly, we just went with what our crowd likes. The guests we know regardless of age who prefer Mrs. and Mrs. John Smith got that. Others got assorted variations. I stuck less with “etiquette” that would be more offensive and just went with what we know they prefer.
Post # 7
I hate that as well. Just because I’m getting married doesn’t mean my first name disappears!
Anyways, I’m not an expert, but I think the strictest etiquette guides will say that Ms or Mrs Jane Doe indicates she is divorced whereas Mrs John Doe means married. But the only people I’ve seen on various wedding forums who have actually cared about that have said they were from the south. So take from that what you will.
Post # 8
We just asked everyone how they wanted to be addressed at the same time as asking for their addresses.
Post # 9
We dropped “Mr & Mrs” on our STDs and addressed them as Jane & John Smith. For couples that aren’t married, we addressed them as Jane Doe & John Smith. We had a few elderly relatives who we kept the title in for (eg Mr John Smith or Ms Jane Doe) but they’re all widowed so there was only one name on the envelope.
Post # 10
We too dropped Mrs & Mr and just did first and last names. So many women have their maiden names, that I o=found this to be a lot easier!
As for putting the man or the woman first – it usually depended on who had more letters in their name. I did the envelopes by hand, and I needed to measure out the space to center it.
Post # 11
For older couples: Mr & Mrs John Smith (this was really just for grandparents as my grandmothers would have disapproved of anything else)
For parent’s generation: Mr and Mrs John & Jane Smith (or if wife had kept maiden name: Mr John Smith and Mrs Jane Doe)
For our friends: married friends got same as above with the exception of friends who I knew would prefer the woman’s name first and one friend who was so fed up with being called her husbands name on prior wedding invites despite keeping her maiden name that I did “Mr and Mrs Jane Doe”); unmarried friends got the friend’s name first then partner’s (or alphabetical if equal friends with both)
Post # 12
- Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull
I just wrote “Mr & Mrs Smith”
For some of our friends we’ll probably just write “Bob and Rachel” or something, because a lot are unmarried so it looks less messy.
Post # 13
Ugh I hate being referred to as Mrs (Husband’s name). As long as you put my name with or without Mrs as a title Im.happy
Post # 14
I totally get this! My future mother in law sent me her family’s addresses with only the husbands name and I refused to address our invites that way. I sat my fiancé down and had him tell me every woman’s name. I think it’s complete bullshit
Post # 15
‘Ms’ merely indicates the woman in question doesn’t want to advertise her marital status in the same way that ‘Mr’ doesn’t advertise a man’s. If some groups have taken to saying ‘Ms’ indicates a divorceé , that is not etiquette, it is sexist crap (quietly fumes!!! )