(Closed) Addressing invitations

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How did you address your invites?

    Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

    Jane and John Smith

    Other

  • Post # 2
    Member
    2848 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I did mine “Mr. & Mrs. John & Linda Smith”

    No clue if its 100% correct in terms of etiquette, but its what made the most sense to me.

    Post # 3
    Member
    2866 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    I did mine with “John and Jane Smith”. Probably not the most correct way of doing it in terms of etiquette, but worked for me! No one said a word about it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1739 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    I went with Mr. and Mrs. (or Ms., depending on who I was sending it to – lol) John and Jane Smith.  It is technically against “old school” etiquette, but I don’t care.  There is no way I’m sending anything to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith because I absolutely hate that.  And I still wanted the Mr. and Mrs. (or Ms.) because it just sounds….nicer.

    Post # 5
    Member
    4885 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    View original reply
    jenhn:  We just used their names, no Mr. and Mrs. Whatever. It was just easier.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1594 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    View original reply
    jenhn:  We did “John and Jane Smith” mostly becuase it was more informal and laid back. I get cards/invites/notices all the time with Mr. and Mrs. John Smith and it doesn’t bother me.

    I honestly have sooo many other things I could be bothered about than if a card is addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Husband’s Name 🙂

    Post # 7
    Member
    626 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2016

    I chose Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith.

    My boss (a woman) asked me why I didn’t use Mr and Mrs John Smith and I said it was because it’s what I would want if I were getting the invitation. It’s my wedding, I’ll do what I want. 😛

    (Yes, I’m aware that you’re “supposed” to do Mr and Mrs John Smith, but I also know that some people don’t like that. I figured that no matter what you do someone may get offended so you might as well please yourself.)

    Post # 8
    Member
    141 posts
    Blushing bee

    View original reply
    jenhn:  I went the Mr. And Mrs. John Smith route for married couples with the same name, since we were having a very traditional wedding, and I am a stickler for tradition when it comes to correspondence and stationery. If you’re doing first names, the “correct” form that I have always read is Jane and John Smith, as you never separate the man’s first and last names. However, that reasoning doesn’t seem that much more forward thinking than the Mr. And Mrs. route. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    299 posts
    Helper bee

    I dropped the Mr. and Mrs./Ms. completely. I don’t want to assume someone goes by Mrs. just because they are married. I agree it is antiquated and something about it doesn’t sit right with me.

    If the couple is married, the woman’s name should go first, so “Jane and John Smith.” If they aren’t married we just put whoever we are closer to first.

    We also didn’t use formal names if that’s not what the person goes by, for example my Fiance has a friend named Jonny and we have never once heard anyone call him Jonathan even though that is his name. We stuck with Jonny. Our wedding is still on the formal side, but I don’t think that gives us a right to call someone by a name they aren’t comfortable with every day. I have this issue with my own name so I’m extra sensitive to it haha.

    Post # 10
    Member
    586 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    View original reply
    jenhn:  I did mine Mr. John and Ms. Jane Smith unless I knew (or thought) that the person would prefer Mrs. 

    I used this etiquette site: http://emilypost.com/advice/guide-to-addressing-correspondence/ 

    I have pretty strong feelings about dropping the wife’s name completely from an invite, but I think you know your guests best :). 

    Post # 11
    Member
    141 posts
    Blushing bee

    View original reply
    mandaluv1119:  One thing to be aware of, OP: traditionally, a woman is only Mrs. Jane Smith if she is divorced (if she changed her name, she’s Mrs. John Smith, if not, she’s Ms. Jane HerLastName). Most people today don’t know/don’t care about that rule, but someone could potentially be offended by the implication.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2065 posts
    Buzzing bee

    If you insist on using both first names and titles then the correct way is Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith.

    If you do use John and Jane Smith then realize that it is incredibly informal.  So if you are having a very formal wedding, it is better to go the traditional route.

    Also, if you are inviting a non-married couple then their names go on separate lines…
    Jane Smith
    John Doe

    Post # 13
    Member
    1688 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    And don’t forget that we learned from this thread http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/addressing-save-the-dates-16/ that addressing an invitation with “Mr. & Mrs. John and Jane Smith” is an absolute cardinal sin because heaven forbid a man’s first and last name be separated. It’s always preferable to deny a woman her name at all than to make a man wait a beat before reading his last name after his first.

    Post # 14
    Member
    6939 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    View original reply
    thelibrarylady:  HAHAHA! That literally made me laugh out loud! 

    OP, please do not just take away the woman’s name entirely. I don’t care if it’s traditional or not, I just find it plain rude. 

    The topic ‘Addressing invitations’ is closed to new replies.

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