Post # 1
I’m having a difficult time deciding how to address the host of my wedding. Basically my parents have graciously payed for the wedding(technically father, mother is is homemaker), but my father was diagnosed with cancer January of this year and passed away in May.
The last thing I want to do is plan this wedding with the thought of him not being there. His cancer and passing was swift, and my mother and I are still trying to process and coup. But alas, he never wanted for the fiance and I to change the wedding date just for him. Under these circumstances I want to be able to memorialize my father and the part he had in the wedding, but without crossing so-called etiquette boundries I’ve read about.
I am between two invitation host wordings:
“[Mother of the bride] requests the pleasure of your company at the wedding of [bride], daughter of [mother of the bride] and the late [father of the bride] and [groom], son of [mother of the groom] and [father of the groom]…”
“[Mother of the bride] and the late [father of the bride] request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of [bride] and [groom]…”
I understand it shouldnt be appropriate to address a deceased parent as hosting the event, but would it be an exception in this case of a recent passing?
Post # 2
Firstly, I’m sorry for your loss.
Second my friend was in a similar position having lost her mother before her wedding. On their invites they had
‘together with our parents;
bride’s mother (then a little cross)
i think in Mexico (she’s Mexican) the little Christian cross after the name was established as indicating they were no longer here. I thought it was a nice way to do it.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I would use use the second one, I would feel as if he will still be present in spirit so I think it is okay to say he is requesting their company.
Post # 4
Sorry for your loss x
Its ok to include your father’s nsme on the invite, but not for it to appear as if the invite comes from him – so your 2nd option doesn’t work.
I would go with something like
“You are invited” or “the honour of your company is requested”
“To celebrate the marriage of
Miss X, daughter of Mrs x and the late Mr X
Mr Y, son of Mr & Mrs Y”
Post # 5
I would write something like
(mother of the bride) with the loving memory of (father of the bride) invites…….
I think it’s a wonderful idea to include him on the invites, especially if he financed some of it, but some people might find it odd if it is just worded like it’s coming from him. Also I think it doesn’t need to be that wordy. If it’s too log and wordy it comes across as awkward. A simpler in memory of acknowledges him and doesn’t come across as odd or awkward imo
Post # 6
I’m sorry for you loss.
That being said, it’s not really appropriate to have a deceased person listed as the host of an event. I think your first wording option is the best – he is still included on the invite, but not as the host.
Post # 7
I would use “together with their families” instead.
Post # 8
Firstly I’d like to say how sorry I am for your loss. I agree ‘together with our parents’ is the best option.
Post # 9
I am so, so sorry for your loss Bee.
I had a similar thought when I was getting married. My dad had passed (albeit a couple of years before the wedding) but all of the money for our wedding was coming from my parents. I knew that it was really important to my dad that they pay for it and that he had even worked longer than he wanted to before retiring so that he could set aside money for it. He felt like a host to me and I felt terrible not being able to honor him on the invitation as one.
I couldn’t find a way to word the invitation without it sounding awkward or sad. I didn’t want to use the generic “together with their parents” because that really glossed over how much my parents were contributing to the wedding. Really the invitation is the only place you can gracefully acknowledge their financial contribution.
I talked to my mom about it and she agreed that his name wouldn’t be on the invitation, but that we would find other ways to acknowledge him on the day. Maybe someone in your family could give a toast with a nod to him as one of the hosts of the evening? Sometimes the FOB gives a toast to welcome and thank everyone for coming. Do you have a brother, sister, uncle, aunt who could do this instead on his behalf? Your mom could also do it if she felt up to it.
Post # 10
I am terribly for your loss. Nevertheless, since you are asking, a wedding invitation is really not the time or appropriate place to list your father. Again, I’m very sorry.
Post # 11
michelleh0686 : I love that! Acknowledgement without specifically saying he’s hosting.
Post # 12
I like the first wording best. It doesn’t sound like he is issuing an invitation, it is just an acknowledgement of who his daughter is.
Do not mention money anywhere, either verbally or any other way. The invitation is not a shout out to all about who is forking over the dough.
Post # 13
Sorry for your loss, bee: In your situation I like using MOB with the loving memory of FOB.
I’m having problems with invitations myself. My Mom and FI’s mom both passed away over 20 years ago. My dad would like his name on the invites but is not financially able to contribute much to the wedding, which were ok with. Fi’s dad is remarried and our helping us with the wedding. There also want to invite some of their business associates. They feel if their names are not on the invitations, their friends won’t know who’s wedding it is (they don’t know me and the wedding is not in their home town).
I originally wanted to list my mom’s name on the invites, but feel if I do we should list Fiance mom’s name as well. My problem is the invite I love/and want will only allow 14 lines (that is the max even with ordering extra lines). Putting [brides name] daughter of Joe Smith and the late Jane Smith and [groom name] son of Mr & Mrs Tom Jones and the late Mary Jones won’t fit with all the other wedding information and I think it is too formal for our wedding and invitations. I have heard that you don’t have to put the street address of the venue and I can make that fit.
I would like to just use “together with their parents” no names and have the full address of the venue. My dad is ok with that, but FI’s parents still have their objections. Venue is a famous non profit organization (locals know it and out of towners may of heard of it) so address may not be necessary. The invitates have a direction card option. I could use that for venue information if addres is not on invite. (I was thinking of doing that anyway with the venue website which has hotel info for out of towners).
So (Sorry for the long post) I have typed up the wording three different ways (1) “together with their parents (no names). Address of venue (direction card with hotel info for out of towners only). (2) all names listed including mothers, no address of venue (card with venue info) (3) names of parents listed, NO MOMS NAMES, address of venue (direction card with hotel info for out of towners only). I will give a copy of each wording to my dad, Fiance, and his parents. And ask them to vote for the one they want. FI and I will have final decision.
Post # 14
Use the “daughter of Jane Smith and the late John Smith” phrasing. Remember him, but don’t fill your wedding with ghosts. A candle. A very brief toast.
Post # 15
Thank you bees so much for input and kind words.
I’ve decided to go with the suggestion from michelleh0686.
I think it’s a great way to acknowledge him without having it sound like he’s hosting and also without being too wordy.