Post # 1
So I am having a dilemma with how to address some Save-the-dates. I think I would prefer to do less formal and leave out the “Mr” and “Mrs” unless it is really necessary. There are a couple specific addresses I’m not sure how to do.
First Question: I have a bridesmaid who is currently living with her family, but she is engaged to someone who is currently living in a different state. I want to invite her whole family, so part of me thinks I should just address it to “The Doe Family” but then that doesn’t involve the bridesmaids fiance at all. So do I send 2 to the same address with one addressed as “The Doe Family” and another as “Bridesmaid Doe and Fiance Lastname.” She has already let me know he wont be able to get the time off work to make it to my wedding, but I figured I should address it in a way that he knows he is at least invited.
Second Question: If I am inviting a female friend who is in a long-term relationship, do I put the mans name first or the womans name first? I know it is tradiational to put the mans name first but if I don’t know the man that doesn’t seem to make sense.
Third Question: Do you indicate on the save-the-date if you are offering them a plus one?
Post # 2
to your questions:
1. Every adult gets their own invite. So you should send separate ones to the parents (and underage children) and the Bridesmaid. That said, this is a STD, and not the formal invite, so it doesn’t really matter as much. The purpose of STDs is so people put it on their calendar. Since the Bridesmaid or Best Man is, well, your Bridesmaid or Best Man, I think it’s ok to skip her own STD (but she should absolutely get her own formal invitation). This is also where you would address it to her and her fiancé. I’d say that you should send a separate STD/and invite to the finance since they don’t live together, but since you know he cant make it anyway, I think just addressing him on her invite is enough.
2. Traditionally, a mans name goes first, but also traditionally, you use titles. If you’re going to forgo the social titles anyway, you’re already being non-traditional so rules no longer apply. Many people will tell you that in this case, list the person’s name first that you know better. If you want to be feminist, then always list the woman’s name first (after all, we deserve it!)
3. No. You do this on the formal invitations (Jane Doe and Guest).
Post # 3
Alright I have a forth question. I have a friend who is pregnant with her first kid. I’m not sure if I should address it as “John and Jane Doe,” “John and Jane Doe and Family,” or “The Doe Family”
Post # 4
On point two you put your friend’s name first. ‘Tradition’ said the man’s name automatically came first before equality arrived, that is no longer good etiquette. I disagree with PP’s point two on so many levels! Why wouldn’t you want to be a feminist? Feminists are found in men and women and they’re just people who think everyone should be treated equally irrespective of gender. That doesn’t mean that the woman’s name should always come first either. That’s why you put the person closest to you first, including if they’re married.
If I received an invitation from my brother and he put my husband’s name first I’d think he’d lost his marbles.
4. Provided they share the same surname and there’s no-one else under their roof then The Doe Family would be nice.
I agree with PP’s 1&3. Addressing is a bit of a minefield!