(Closed) Addressing Save the Dates to Best Man in Rocky Relationship

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

If you send her an individual invite, and they break up, would you still want her at your wedding?


I’d recommend just putting an “and guest”. If someone gets offended over that, let them. It’s not meant as a slight. We put “and guest” on all of our invitations to people who weren’t engaged or married, and I thought that was pretty standard… 

Post # 4
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We totally went through this situation with a really good friend of my fiancee’s.  Our view was that if we address the save the date to both of them (they didn’t live together, so we sent to his address), and they break up she wouldn’t assume that she’s invited because she’s no longer with him and a part of “the group” – and if they don’t then no drama. 

Maybe something like that would work?  Instead of sending one to each of them, maybe one to him addressed to both of them?

-Good Luck!

Post # 5
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I had a similar situation with one of my guests. I just put “and guest” because I didn’t know what the status of their relationship was going to be. I have to say that from the time the STD’s went out to when we mailed the invitations they were no longer together and still aren’t.

Post # 6
433 posts
Helper bee

I’d say he’s the best mad and your FBIL- verbally telling him that he has a standing plus 1 will override whatever you write on the envelope. I’d address it with her name to avoid any added drama between them (“your family won’t even call me by my name!?! Obviously they don’t care about me at all!?!”) I’m of the belief that if you know someones name, you should always address them by it and not “guest”.

If this were a random guest who you wouldn’t talk to much until the wedding I’d be more concerned, but since he’s close family and in the wedding party you have plenty of opportunity to address any relationship status changes as they happen. 

ETA- don’t send anything jsut to her unless you’d be OK with her coming on her own even if they broke up.

Post # 7
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’d address it to him and her both, by name. If I were the girlfriend, I’d be upset by an “and guest” invitation in this case. If they break up, you can always tell him that he can bring someone else. 

Post # 8
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Unless they’re living together it shouldn’t matter if you just put his name for now.  It’s just the STD, not the invite, so it’s not required to put and Guest/name if you’re not sure if he would be inviting her.

Post # 9
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would just put “and Guest”.  Otherwise, if they are broken up at your wedding and you put her name, she is still technically invited and would have every right to show up (I don’t know why she would want to, but still….).

Post # 10
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I guess I’m an old fart because I’m on the conservative side of etiquette rules. if they’re living together or if they’ve been together for a long time and happen to be back “on” then I think that you should send it addressed to both of them. If you don’t include her by name if they live together or if they’ve been together for a long time, I think it’s a bit like saying, “We know more about your relationship than you do.”

BUT if they haven’t been serious for a long time and DON’t live together, then just send the STD to him. I don’t think you even have to worry about the “and Guest” part until the actual invite, but that’s me 🙂

Again–old fart? Perhaps…

Post # 11
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We have one guest, a good friend and coworker of my Fiance, who is in a weird relationship. I talked to her, and ended up only putting her name on her invite, but told her that she can bring her bf at her discretion. She asked me not to put his name on the invite because “then I’d have to tell him he’s invited and he would want to come and I’m not sure I’m ready for that”, haha.

Word of mouth came in very handy here, because we could address it to just her and then leave it up to her!

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