(Closed) Addressing the invites mysteries…

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
Member
4583 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m not super concened with invitation etiquette because my wedding is not very formal. I’m addressing the few invitations I’m actually sending to people with kids as “The Smith Family.” However, I am mailing a separate invitation to anyone over 18 living at home. A few years ago, I was still living with my parents and we were all invited to a wedding with one invitation. I didn’t think anything of it at the time but I knew nothing of etiquette then. I just think it’s polite to treat over 18’s as adults rather than children. Just my opinion.

Post # 5
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I am a woman who is in college and lives with my parents. I get pissed off when I don’t get my own invite.

Especially if there are adult guests, you need to make clear who gets the invite – are your cousins getting dates? It’d be easy for them to assume so. Send them their own invites – problem solved.

Post # 6
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@MissSheva:We addressed our invites Mr. & Mrs. John Smith. We had several family members living in the same house and sent separate invites to each of them. It was easier to keep sense of the RSVP numbers. Think about it, if you send one invite to the whole family and everyone gets a plus one, you could end up with an RSVP for like… 5 or 6 people! Sending them separately lets you see who is bringing a plus one, who isn’t and it’s easier to do the seating chart that way. Then you know who needs to have someone other than family sitting next to them. 

Post # 7
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee

@MissSheva: I can speak on behalf of the etiquette gods — but not on behalf of the wedding gods who, quite frankly, don’t always know “etiquette” from a black hole.

What the Etiquette Gods say is: if you are being formal, then follow the formalities, but it is perfectly correct to be informal if you choose. If you are being informal, then don’t AVOID throwing in the occasional out-of-place formality that feels unnatural or pretentious.

So, it’s fine to address people as “The Smith Family” for your informal invitations. Unfortunately, the wedding gods seem to have created the notion that stilted third-person invitation wording is a must for all weddings, even informal ones. It creates a jarring discontinuity to the few of us who actually enjoy the inherent consistency of real etiquette on an everyday basis; and who understand that third-person wording is very formal indeed. The Etiquette Gods say informal invitations should be worded as an ordinary note:

“Dear Mary and John,

I will be marrying Jim Doe on <date> at <place> at <time> o’clock, with an informal tea/dinner/gathering/shindig to follow at <place> and <time>. Jim and I hope you can join us.

Love

Jane Sheva”

But the Etiquette Gods are used to being ignored, and unlike the wedding gods they are never vindictive.

Post # 8
Member
35 posts
Newbee

HELP!!!!

I am the MOG but the MOB does not seem interested in doing the traditional wedding things. ie I did the dress thing with the daughter and figured out the decor with her and so forth. We have a budget and have put in similar amounts.  We have put in a little less but we footed the engagement party in NYC on New Years Eve.  I did all the work of scouting out venues and the kids choose one. They knew what the per head cost would be. We figured on about one hundred and fifty people. The problem is that my son has invited around fifty five people and thinks he will have about forty five people accept. I have invited twenty five people who will accept. The bride has invited eighty five people and the brides family has invited two hundred. I think that this is nuts. My son is doing all the work with the guest list because he is a computer guru and my future daughter in law is finishing her last semester of college and needs to concentrate. My son has emailed his future ML and suggested that she go through her list and indicate which people need announcements and which ones need invites.  They have not responded. I am running out of patience, They are actually very nice people and have excellent careers but they don’t seem to be in touch with reality.  ANY Ideas??? any at all!

Post # 9
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

@MissSheva We did one to “the family” who has 3 children in the house (one who is in college) and on the RSVP just put

“5 seats have been reserved in your honor” and

____ of 5 guests will be attending

This made it clear that only the family was invited and no “extras” were to come

I think it’s prefectly fine….

And alot less people than you think look through their “etiquette” books everytime they get an invite… lol

EDIT: The family has one son out of the house and like the post below mentioned… we did send him his own invite. Anyone out of the house got their own… except my Mom best friend whose son is in the service and was stationed over seas.

Post # 10
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Concerning the OP:

I don’t see anything wrong with being informal.  And I also don’t see anything wrong with only sending one invite for everyone in the house as long as they are all related (which they are).  If I was living at home I wouldn’t mind it. 

However, I’m 26, have been living on my own (not counting college) for almost 4 years now and I’ve still had my name added to the invitations sent to my mom(who lives two hours away).  That bugs me.

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