(Closed) Adjusting to living with FH

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@SouthernGirl:  If its a one bathroom house, have a discussion about when you’re both allowed to be in there at the same time, and when you’re not.

Post # 5
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Um, not to be weird, but potty activities. We have a 2 bathroom home, so I try to use the farthest one from wherever he is at that moment…

 

I’d say have some talks about differences in housekeeping. Is one of you a neatfreak and the other a slob? Even little things like how you load the dishwasher are an adjustment. Try to work out a system for laundry/dishes/whatever that works for the two of you. And just be patient. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Levels of expectations about neatness/cleanliness. We were definitely not on the same page with regards to that. We knew that about each other before moving in together, but there have definitely been lots of compromises and discusssions (arguments) about howand when things should be done.

Post # 7
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@SouthernGirl:  We have a 2br and I suspect you will have one “master” bathroom where you both prefer showering ect. So still talk about it, even though its not as big of a deal if one of you is in the shower and the other needs to pee.

As for the “me” time, Fiance and I act like the other one isn’t in the room all the time. We both get our laptops out and watch tv (though I usually have headphones in and I’m watching something completely different on hulu) together every night. It feels like “me” time even though its technically couple time. Try to start rituals like that where you’re doing one of your activities (like idk knitting lol) and hes doing one of his activites (playing halo?) in the same room as eachother. I’m pretty introverted (minus weddingbee which I live on) and it works for us. I think you just need to get used to being in the room together and not really interacting. Which sounds unhealthy, but its not. Or at least if it is I’m doing it too and Fiance and I have lived together for 2 years and dated for 5 so it can’t be that bad. Oh and we do still talk and interact. We go on dates which is great (usually just dinner out) and we make field trips to the grocery store so its not like we never talk, we just don’t entertain each other constantly.

Post # 8
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@celticbride:  That too. We still aren’t on the same page about how clean the apartment should be (I’m the messy one) but we have divied up most of the major activities like laundry and taking out the garbage. We also attempt to clean the apartment together on a regular basis because otherwise Fiance goes nuts, which drives me nuts. We’re getting better, but its definitely an adjustment.

Post # 11
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

@asscherlover:  I second this! It’s really important to be able to have ‘me’ time but still be in the same room as the other person! We also had to get used to cleaning, and I admit we’re still working on that one haha.

“We go on dates which is great (usually just dinner out) and we make field trips to the grocery store so its not like we never talk, we just don’t entertain each other constantly.”

This is the exact same for us!

 

Post # 12
Member
1544 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Practice your patience and get out of the house a lot to do your own thing.I couldn’t sit in the same room as him when he’s playing his video games cus he had to blast  it. I just went in the bedroom and shut the door.

And be willing to change yourself. I’m not a very tidy person. I’m more sanitary clean then i am tidiness clean. I thought it would work well cus he’s the opposite. But nah we just got mad at each other.  I just make sure to clean the counter often so it doesn’t make me scream when he puts our food down on the counter. HELLO! use a paper towel – the man doesn’t get it. And i try to work on being neater cus it drives him crazy. And he’s practicing his patience. lol. Its a work in progress. Hmm maybe i should actually clean off the dresser he’s been telling me to for the past week. HAHA I have to say i give him props for putting up with me. lol

 

Post # 13
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We are huge homebodies, and our first apt was 700sq ft with one bathroom. Since we only had one bathroom, we generally only were in there one at a time.

Now that we are in a house, it is important that we have our own “space”. We keep our computers in separate rooms and although we spend all of our downtime at home, we make sure that we have plenty of separate things to do. I suggest blocking off a corner to put a chair to make a little reading nook or having a desk for you to work on things by yourself. Having a way to get away is a great thing.

Also, be sure to talk about “chores”, as stupid as it sounds. We used to fight because I felt that I was doing way too much…but now we have evened it out. It seems like a stupid thing, but it can cause massive wars!

Post # 14
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@SouthernGirl:  Hello,

You were me back in May 2011!

I LOVED living alone.  I had a couple of short term roommates more as favors to those friends.  But for the most part I lived alone.  Oh, yeah I was married for a few years to an awful roommate of a spouse.  That was bad.

I would go to FI’s house maybe 3 nights a week.

I was worried about ruining our perfect “bubble” that we had.  Everyting was so great.  I knew that moving in would cause some stresses to arrise – natural stresses.

You know what?  It’s been SEAMLESS.

We never really discussed who does what, just because it fell into place so nicely.  It’s been almost a year now, and it’s been great!  We try to chip in our help if the other has a project.  Fiance is trying to go all organic with reviving our lawn, so I helped him shovel compost before I worked on my thesis.  He does all the dishes, I make the dinner.  When I wash a bowl, he’s like “That’s my job honey!”  Too cute.  I said we don’t have to be rigid in the roles we fell into.  We look at is as teamwork.  It all has to get done.  I think we both put effort into being a good person to live with. 

Just remember to have conversations and not hold anything in.  If you don’t like how someone is doing something, your way isn’t the only way remember!

The only thing for me personally is getting used to different sleep/wake times.  I get up a little earlier (I take longer to get ready) and he could stay up a hour later than I could.  But pretty minor – not swing shifts or anything!

Post # 15
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@SouthernGirl:  I’m going through this right now!! I had roommates when I was in college until through circumstances out of my control, I had to find an apartment ASAP and I didn’t have any one to move in with, so I found a 1 bedroom for by myself. I lived alone for 6 years and LOVED it! I’ve been living with my Boyfriend or Best Friend for two weeks now and have found some adjustments are necessary. 

I’m extremely clean and while he’s not real messy, our standards differ. I’m finding I have to lower my expectations just a little and he’s learning to clean up a little better. The dirty dishes in the sink kill me especially because the dishwasher is literally right next to the sink. And I lived without a dishwasher for 4.5 years and will never take it for granted again. 

I’m lucky because we have our own bathrooms so that takes care of that problem. 

I think because of the increase of time we now have together, we make an effort to pursue an activity that one of us likes, regardless if the other person likes that same activity. We both love camping and hiking, but he needs some guy time so him and his best friend are headed up tonight. I’m hanging out with a few friends tomorrow. I think it’s important for each person to have time to do what they want without the SO. If you don’t want to go out and do anything, do as other PP have suggested and do your own thing but in the same room. Or have a room that you consider yours to do whatever you want in. For my Boyfriend or Best Friend, that was the office since we don’t have room for a “man cave” yet. 

My best advice is that you have to be ready to compromise. Understand that this is a transition and it might take a little time to get used to living with him. But with good communication, it will be fine!

Post # 16
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

What was the biggest thing you had to get used to after moving in with SO/FH/DH? And does anyone have any advice for making sure we don’t start hating each other?

All of the below advice is from having lived with an ex for two years that drove me insane and living iwth my Fiance for two years and being happy.

1. Figure out what the expectations will be about housework/cooking. My Fiance and I trade off dinner and dishes, for example, and we both do laundry when we see it. Fiance always mows and washes the cars and I almost always clean the bathroom and kitchen. It works out for us!

2. Talk about finances. Are you keeping seperate accounts? Making one joint account? How much can one partner spend without asking the other partner? Is there a savings goal you are reaching? Who pays the morgage and bills? Money can be a huge issue if it is not discussed.

3. Figure out bathroom rules. Others said this, but seriously– do it!

4. Find a “me” place or a “me” day. For us, it’s on Fridays. On Fridays we are not expected to be home after work and we kinda do our own thing unless we have planned something in advance.

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