(Closed) adjusting to marriage as a ‘type A’

posted 11 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’ve been surprised, too, by some feelings or things I’ve noticed about myself as I’ve gotten older, been with my husband, been married, etc. I never thought I’d want to be a stay at home mom, but sometimes I think that would be most rewarding. Unlike you, I’ve been complacent in my job to focus on other things that make me happy.

I have several friends who handle this kind of dilemma in different ways. Some hire nannies and housekeepers, some do a job-share (a really cool idea I hope I can make work for me one day — two people share one job), some work from home, and at least one person I know quit her job to be a stay at home mom. We were just talking the other night and she said she’s looking forward to going back to work. She knew, though, that the job would be there when she was ready for it again. Depending on what field you’re in and at what point you leave, this could be the situation for you if you decide you need time to work for your family, not the company.

Let me ask this — are you worried about this now because it’s your personality to plan and worry? Things might be clearer when you’re actually faced with leaving your job, being a parent, or whatever comes up. You can re-evaluate at that point, especially if you’re nearing the end of a degree right now. Just do what’s best for your family at the right time, and don’t worry about being a cliche.

Post # 5
Member
10216 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I am not married but definitely a planner (i mean i am on this board even though i’m not engaged yet lol) i remember when i was about 7 i planned my entire life and i often times go back and restructure things.  speaking of which i need to get started on my business plan for the next year… i hate flying by the seat of my pants so to speak.  however, i feel validated after i read some statement years ago that said that people with goals and a plan are more likely to be successful. i left the corporate field earlier this year and i am extremely happy with my life since i left it.  five years ago if you would have told me i would own a home based business, stay at home cooking and cleaning (50’s style), and work pt as a cashier at a hobby store i would have laughed in your face.  now i can’t imagine anything else. i truly love my life.

Post # 7
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I am a Type A personality all day long. But you know what…so is my FI? We both have been very driven and as a result…have had trouble finding time for each other in the midst of all of the stuff we were juggling.

So…my Fiance is planning our wedding w/o any of my input. This is his way of showing me that I don’t have to plan things down to the nth degree and it still can be beautiful and just like I want it. (stay tuned for pics sometime in January).

Plus…I just got a promotion a month ago…finally made it into management…yay!! Worked hard for it…and I got it…but I will be leaving my job and this city at the beginning of next year.

I never saw myself as a housewife, but that’s what I plan on being…at least for awhile. I didn’t think I wanted anymore kids (my daughter is 12) but now I am longing for a couple more. I never saw myself as a wife, but here I am about to tie the knot next month.

All of this is to say…marriage changes thing…it changes you. I am not even a wife yet but through the course of our relationship my priorities have shifted and now I want the very things for myself that I used to scoff at others about. Stay at home mom? Who me?….yes me…LOL….and I am honestly looking forward to it.

Post # 8
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’m a type A and my hubby is definitely the opposite of me. Even though I’ve only been married for 2 months, I’m already questioning my priorities I had. I thought I would finish school before anything else, start a new career, work my way up, etc etc. But then I got baby fever all of a sudden and we started talking kids! We talked about the best time for us, taking into consideration our goals, etc and we’re planning on starting a family in about a year and I’ll take a break from school for a bit. Then today I suddenly thought about what if I wanted to stay home after having kids…. wait, what?! Did I really just think that?! It’s just really weird how quickly things shifted and changed after getting married. Though we lived together and had been together for a long time before the wedding, I think we’ve both realized that decisions we make (especially big ones) are no longer about ourselves. I don’t really have any great advice for you. All I can say is that when the time comes to make these big decisions, just do what feels right for you at the time and for your future. Maybe us types A’s have to go with the flow a bit more?LOL

Post # 9
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Ummm…I GET this conversation a lot.

Everything has shifted.

I moved to be with my fiance and left most of my friends and family behind. I have one BFF here in the city thankfully. Oh yeah and my husband too, he’s my other BFF.

But, all these things that took up all of my time: finding a mate was on my mind all the time consciously and unconsciously.

And then, paying my bills and having some left over for fun took up the rest.

Now I’ve moved and he’s comfortably supporting us and it’s like I have all this time and space to figure out what I REALLY want and it’s surprising me.

I know that I wanted to take my career to the next level, but now I may not care. Weird huh?

I’ve been told that I am a planner too.

I find that the idea of having kids has held me back in my career. So I decided to just have the things so that I can see what I want then. I don’t know what I’ll want then.

Some perspective: Career’s, vocations, life’s work is REALLY REALLY important. It is very good to find our paths of contribution in this lifetime. Often times work enhances our self esteem and sense of self. It can often define how we feel about ourselves and how others view us. But our path of contribution is individual. I think that fullfillment isn’t necessarily about the money. The money is nice, but I am a firm believer in “Do what you love and the money will follow. It will.” Sark.  But our path of contribution can be being parents and wives and friends and daughters.

Our generation has it really hard. We have the option to have whatever kind of career that we want. Than we feel pressure if we don’t want it. In this economy, working isn’t always a rite, it’s a necessity! What with the cost of living, it’s not a matter of WANTING to work, it’s having to!

So if you don’t have to work and you don’t want it, bask in the deliciousness of that luxury! Toss your hats of and live your values! Or live your values by contributing as a lawyer, teacher, doctor, cashier, nurse, waitress, sex worker, usher, social worker– whatever!

Just follow your bliss. Okay, I’m ranting. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

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