(Closed) Adopting 2 kids. HELP!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

This HAS to be a decision you both are committed to. And please please please don’t just get one of them! I think if you aren’t ready for kdis then you need to talk with your Fiance and discuss that right now, you aren’t ready for the mental, emotional, physical and monetary stress of having a kid, let alone two. I think there is a difference if you have decided you NEVER want children and he does, but if this is a, he wants them NOW and you aren’t ready, you need to talk about it and come to an agreement. Most adoptions take months or years, and both parties have to be on board with the choice, not one of you, BOTH of you are going to be parents so you both have to want to and be prepared for it. You can’t be guilted into getting kids you don’t want because someone else decided they didn’t want to be a mother anymore. It is, or should be a life long committment but kids will know if you don’t want them and that isn’t a good enviroment for anyone.

Post # 4
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

A friend of ours just found out the one child they are a dopting in Feb is  TWINS!!! i don’t think god gives you more than you can handle……. Just roll with it you’ll be fine.  I know it’s a shock but sometimes things in life hit you fast and you just need to roll with it all!!

Post # 5
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Definitely adopt both, or neither.  It would be a shame to separate them! You can probably talk to someone in child services about this.  I bet they have counselors that will help you sort your feelings and answer any questions you may have. I’m sorry that I don’t have any advice really..but good luck!  

Post # 6
Member
3847 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

I believe that if you are going to adopt one,  you have to adopt both.  Obviously, since their mom is wanting to give them up for adoption, they are coming from an unstable environment where all they have is each other.  These poor children need to be with each other.  I could not be the one to decide that they are going to be separated.  That is just heartbreaking.

Post # 8
Member
2488 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@chasesgirl:  + 1 many families want to adopt wait afoot opt till your realty and after you’ve at least had one of your own

Post # 9
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@HisIrishPrincess:  Just roll with bringing two kids into the household when she isn’t ready and can’t financially support them? I don’t think that is such a good idea.

 

Op it honestly doesn’t sound like you are ready for this right now! I know your fiance is all over this but it just doesn’t work that way. Once you have them, you absolutely can’t send them back so don’t make this decision based on rushed feelings or pressure from your fiance. Bringing TWO kids around those ages when you are not sure yet 100% how you feel about adopting them is a risky move in my opinion. Don’t be afraid to put your foot down either to you fiance if you even have a pin drop of doubt because this definitely isn’t an easy decision or one that should be made on a whim by your fiance because you haven’t had any luck with your own TTC journey.

Post # 10
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@PinkMermaid:  +1000

 

You need to do what’s best for you.

Post # 12
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know exactly how you feel. I receive a call from my sister asking me to do her a favor. We are really close and I never questioned what the favor was I just met her. It was a Thursday and I had to meet her at probate court. She asked me to take her daughter my neice. Mind you I was starting a new job that following Monday, I didnt hesitate and said yes. I cant say it was easy but I can say it was the best thing I ever did. She know who I am and who her mother is. She considers me her mom and she is my pride and joy and the biggest momma’s baby. My sister is in her life and I explain to her that she should never hate her biological mother because she loved you enough to give you to someone that would love and take care of you that is an unselfish act. I am very spiritual and I know that he chose me to take her and doors were opened that made it easier than I thought it would be.

I forget to mentioned I was a single parent of an 11 years old at the time.

I hope my story helps.

Post # 13
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I think you should gently tell your Fiance that he needs to think about why he wants to adopt the child. As you said, he might be trying to fill a void. Give it a while..sometimes people get caught up in things and the excitement clouds judgement.

Also, would you stop TTC if you adopted? That’s another thing to think about. Supporting a child (or two) is a big responsibility and if you go through with it you might have to put your own plans for TTC on hold. It depends on how important it is to you to be pregnant and/or have a biological child.

 

Post # 14
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@TrueBeeliever:  She sounds like my cousin. Poor thing never really grew up and got into drugs and just kept having babies. Our family members h e adopted them all but I am happy that she is making the right choice to give them to someone who can properly care for them.

You have to do what is best for you BOTH. It’s going to take more than a week to figure this huge decision out and I think you’re perfectly fine with taking more time to think. It’s a huge responsibility. Keep us posted?

Post # 16
Member
1431 posts
Bumble bee

wow i would feel completely overwhelmed too. I think adoption would be really difficult if your heart isn’t  dying for a child. All your concerns are completely valid.  I think a couseling session would be really good for you both. Since you have fears and you feel like he is trying to fill a void it it could sort some things out. please dont rush into this or feel pressured. this is a life changing life long commitment. Please keep us updated though. Will pray for clarity for you and for loving homes for the childre .

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