Post # 1
I need advice on whether or not to adopt an animal. I have been wanting to get a dog for the past few years, but our apartment was too small and dogs were not allowed. My boyfriend had promised me that in the next apartment we had that he would pay to adopt a dog. In May we graduated college and moved to a new city, so when we were looking at apartments I looked only for ones that allowed animals. We ended up picking a place that seemed great for dogs, especially since it was right across the street from a nice park.
Here’s where the hitch is: My friend Jane was offered a job in the same city that we just moved to. I had been encouraging her to apply in the area since she was also graduating and we are good friends. She accepted the job in the same city as us, and decided to live with my boyfriend and I, since the apartment is big enough and none of us knew anyone in this city. My bf and I had signed a lease prior to knowing that Jane would be living with us. When we were talking about living together I mentioned to her that I was planning on getting a dog. Although she didn’t seem thrilled, she accepted it. Now that I’m settled in the new apartment and would like to get a dog, she seems extremely reluctant. She doesn’t outright tell me she doesn’t approve, but she has expressed serious concerns. She is worried about there being enough space, if the dog will bark/disturb her, and things like that.
My boyfriend is sort of indifferent on the whole issue. I am the one who really wants to adopt a dog, and I would be the primary caretaker. When I asked my boyfriend for what his bottom-line opinion is, he thinks that now we shouldn’t get the dog because Jane doesn’t want to. I feel like it’s unfair to me because I picked this apartment specifically planning on adopting a dog, and was clear off the bat about my intentions. At the same time, I don’t want to hurt my friendship with Jane, and she has a voice as a member of this apartment.
What do you think?
Post # 3
I think since that was your plan you should go ahead and get the dog. However, you should be aware that it will probably involve more work since you won’t want to disturb Jane and it doesn’t sound like your Boyfriend or Best Friend is totally on board.
Maybe have some conversations like, “If the dog barks to go out at 5 am, are you going to get upset”. “If you come home before me, will you let the dog out?” “What if the dog chews something up”.
If its going to mess up your friendship because you are on such different pages, I would tell her it would be best for her to look for another apartment over the next few months.
Post # 4
I would feel bad asking her to leave since I encouraged her to apply to jobs in this area. None of us have really made any good friends, either. But I guess I am just hoping for the best of both worlds.
I don’t think she’ll live with us forever (nor do I want her to), and she was planning on moving out of the area in another year to year and a half when her boyfriend finishes school- hoping that they get engaged as she plans, since she doesn’t want to live with him if they’re not engaged.
Post # 5
if your friend doesnt like the idea of the dog, then u really have to decide between her and the dog, beacause it seems u cant have both
Post # 6
OK, I adopted my dog when I was still in a non-dog friendly duplex with the intent of leaving, lol. Fiance was then Boyfriend or Best Friend and wasn’t “sold” but “it is your decision.”
I wound up with a housemate down the line who is TERRIFIED of dogs. Not that I have a scary dog. I have a standard poodle who doesn’t even lick people let alone bite… he’s scared of her more than she is of him. BUT, it works for us. This isn’t a “she doesn’t like dogs or their mess” situation, like, she’s TERRIFIED of dogs. In fact, I know my pup snuck away if I hear a door and then a scream… (HE runs away….)
I say do it!
Post # 7
It sounds like your friend is opposed but is trying not to be too big of a pain about it. I would bet that her reservations are more pronounced than she’s letting on. Because of that, I would wait until you are in a living situation where everyone in the house is on-board about the dog. Maybe that means you have to tell Jane she needs to find her own housing, or maybe that means you have to wait 1.5 years until she moves out. Even though you encouraged her to find a job and move to this new city, she is an adult and you are not under any obligation to provide her housing (beyond whatever lease or rental agreement you and she have signed).
I say that you should wait, and I say that as someone who is not terribly fond of dogs. If I were Jane this is what I would want you to do.
Post # 8
Ok, I don’t think that you should necessarily not get a dog. You said that you told her before she moved in, so you did your part.
I would start by having a very candid conversation about what her real concerns are. Dog barking at 5 am? That’d be a big problem for me! You need to let her know that you really want to get a dog, but that you are aware of her hesitation and want to talk about it. Make sure to clarify how this will change things (keeping her door closed, not leaving shoes around to get chewed, etc…), but also talk about what you would do if you got a dog and there were serious issues, like separation anxiety, constant barking, chewing, potty training issues, etc… It might give her some relief if she knew that you would address problems that came up, so she didn’t have to worry about “just dealing with it”. Maybe even have her come with you when you pick the dog out.
Post # 9
before i knew my husband, he was living with a roommate and decided to adopt a puppy. his roommate said it was ok, but really didn’t like it. he got mad when my husband asked him once to walk him b/c he had to stay late at work. and he ended up moving out the next chance he had.
Post # 10
Truthfully, you gave her fair warning when she moved in that you might be getting a dog.
I think you need to talk to her to get to the root of why she might be hesitant. Is it like KLP2010 where the roommate may be terrified? Or is she just hesitant because of other smaller reasons.
Post # 11
I think it’s your house and was your plan and if she doesn’t like it she should get out.
On another not thought, dogs are a lot of work. Make sure you do your research.
Post # 12
If you want me to be totally honest- I will tell you- a reluctant roommate- or ANY roommate, in my experience, unless they are a huge dog lover and a very kind and understanding person (not that Jane is not, just saying- from experience) it can cause a lot of problems. But then again, I know I lived with some weird/ crazy people, and it sounds like you have known Jane a long time. Just be aware that it can put a lot of stress on your relationship- having to be responsible for every little thing a dog will do (and dogs do do the wrong thing- from time to time.)
However, since you were upfront, and it sounds like YOU got the place with BF- it is your place. Just be prepared for some possible tension. I say go for it- you were straightforward and you got the place. …but good luck!
Post # 13
She doesn’t seem to be afraid of dogs, she just doesn’t like them. She said she’s not a dog person, and thinks dogs are needy and annoying. I think she just doesn’t like dogs, and doesn’t want to me inconvenienced by living with one.
I am worried about the amount of work a dog takes, especially since I would be the primary care taker. My boyfriend says he’s willing to help out, but when it comes down to it- the dog would be my responsibility. I know a lot of it depends on the dog, but I’m willing to put in the time to train my dog, and I assume it will be rough in the beginning. This would be the first pet that I am adopting on my own, so if any dog owners want to chime in on the amount of work it takes to raise a dog, feel free.
Post # 14
This is really hard. In theory I think you should get one because she moved in with you guys and was aware of your plans. it seems like you’ve been responsible in waiting until you were in the right kind of place and you picked a location specifically for the purpose of getting a dog. And I certainly understand wanting to get one because getting my dog was one of the best decisions I’ve made!
I think the bottom line is how much is she going to need to help? I mean you will feed and water the dog I’m sure, but if she is the first one home every day she will HAVE to let the dog out. She cannot leave it crated (if your’e going to crate) or out without going out when someone gets home. Dogs get way too excited and that is just mean. If you get home before her every day (or your bf does) then it doesn’t seem like an issue. As far as the dog “disturbing her” umm… too bad. she moved in with you and knew your plans. Plus, I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t like dogs– that is just weird! 🙂
Post # 15
@PinkBubbleGum: I grew up with dogs. The key thing is to allocate enough time to walk and play with your dog–in the morning, right after work, and right before bed. I grew up with large dogs and they are high maintenance. Grooming is a big hassle with them. I love dogs but my three cats are easier to take care of than a German shepherd. My advice, stick to dogs that are small to medium build. Their fur is another consideration, there are dogs that shed less than others but also need to be brushed more than others. You’ll also want to get a crate, I’m assuming you’re crate training. We only used the crate at night. Potty training can be a bit more difficult living in the city than in a small town or country where you can regularly see grass (your dog just can’t mess in the middle of the sidewalk). Remember to clean up (some cities have ordinances against leaving excrement).
Scope out pet insurance depending on the cost of spaying/neutering, yearly shots, etc in your location–you can call vets around you and get price quotes on these things and then research pet insurance. Also, if you don’t already have it, get renter’s insurance and let them know you have a pet.
My biggest piece of advice is go to the humane society. There are wonderful pets there that people don’t think of considering, I urge you to go there. Some of them are already spayed/neutered and have their shots, or they give you a free voucher/coupon to see one of their vets who will discount their services. Lastly, consider an older/senior dog. They have a lot of love to give and their hyperness level is lower.
Post # 16
I say don’t do it! If you really care about your friend’s feelings and your friendship I think you should not get the dog. It’s a shame that you mentioned this to your friend beforehand and that she agreed on it before she moved in. She should have spoken up more about it before hand. Even still, if you get a dog now that she tells you she really doesn’t want to have one in the apt I think it will end up putting a huge strain on the friendship! The thing is though, I think talk to her and let her know that when the lease is up, you will be getting a dog and she will have to then move out or if she wants to stay even though there is a dog, then just go and get the dog now. Either she doesn’t want one and will be willing to move out in a year or so, or she doesn’t mind enough to have to move out when the lease is up and so it will be okay to get a dog now.