Post # 1
Hi Bees. Basically I was just wondering if any of you could give me any information. Dh has been in remission from cancer for almost 3 years. The treatment left him sterile. We are currently doing ivf with the sperm he banked pre-treatment. Our first ivf cycle worked but I miscarried. We have 2 embryos left. Going to transfer one in the fall and if that doesn’t work the other one in the spring. We obviously are hoping it works but if it doesn’t I am wondering if we should start considering adoption. Do you know if we will have more issues bc dh past diagnosis? Do we have to disclose it? Is there a long wait to adopt? Wondering if it makes sense to try and start now just in case? Any info would be appreciated. Thank you in advance for your help!!
Post # 2
A friend of mine adopted after cancer. In this case my friend was the female and had had a full hysterectomy. They adopted a baby from Korea and he came to them at 11 months old. I think it took about 8 months in total and around 35k. Their son is now 7. I don’t know all the details about what they disclosed, but I can’t imagine that it didn’t come up as they did a home study and family/friend references.
Post # 3
I’m sorry you’ve had a hard time of it.
i know in the UK you wouldn’t be accepted as adopters until you’d exhausted your IVF attempts and ‘made peace’ with infertility. They don’t want couples starting the process only to fall with a biological child. Might be worth seeing what the rules are on this where you are.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t think that the cancer diagnosis would affect your chances, however I have heard that most adoption agencies don’t allow you to adopt if you are pregnant. No harm in looking into it now though- as there are lots of options. A family friend recently adopted a newborn baby girl. It was a domestic adoption- but they had to travel to a different state for the adoption (it was a scheduled c-section, and they got to be there and stay in the hospital to care for the baby before the baby was released from the hospital). It was a very difficult process- they had to wait 1.5 years, only had a couple weeks warning when they finally were choosen, and I think at the end of it (with adoption agency fees, medical bills, and legal fees) it costs around 50k. Good luck!
Post # 5
Thanks ladies for the advice. I should mention I live in the US. So I guess I need to look into the rules. Wow adoption seems so expensive. For these prices we could do several rounds of IVF. That makes me sad as there are so many children that need good homes. We would consider fostering but we would want a younger child. Like under 3. Guess there a lot of options. It’s confusing though exactly what they are . I am wondering if I could just call an agency and ask about the rules. But I just wouldn’t know where I should call?
Post # 6
adoption in general is a long process. cancer really has no bearing on the outcome.
resolve is the national infertility association. check out their website for resources on adoption.
Post # 7
candy08 : i never knew until a friend at work decided to foster that you’re allowed to specify age and sex of children you’re willing To take. For her it was only girls under 5 since she was single. Just some good info for you 🙂 she’s also adopting a girl she was just fostering and just had her first baby in July! Ps I always wanted to adopt for the same reasons as you there are so many kids who could use good homes, but then I saw the costs and realized we couldn’t afford it and that doing ivf was way cheaper (in my case also covered by insurance but even if not would have been cheaper) and now I’m 8 months pregnant from the ivf! Lol
Post # 8
So…not to give you false hope but I have a coworker who was told he was infertile after 2 rounds with cancer. He and his wife were devastated. They got pregnant this year and are due in November…naturally. Seriously it was a miracle and they are so, so happy.
I would also consider foster/foster to adoption. The reason why international adoptions are so expensive is because of the insurmountable legal fees, travel fees, etc. International adoptions are by far the most expensive.
Post # 9
I also have a friend that this happened to – was sterile for about 3-4 years after treatment, he and wife did many rounds of IVF to have their son and then around when he was 6 months old…. SURPRISE! apparently sperm can come back but it can just take some time (though I wouldn’t count on this but you also just never know)
Post # 10
candy08 : Hello! Hoping I can offer some advice. I used to be an adoption case Manager.
When you are in the adoption process most agencies will have you complete a Home Study. This is basically a written report for your life. You would disclose that you have cancer but in my experience it is not something that would deter an agency from letting you adopt. It would probably be the opposite because it shows strength. Agencies are looking to see if you can handle life’s uncertainties. They also require you to discuss a plan for your future kids in the event that something happened to you.
Your agency will sit down with you and discuss the type of children you are willing to take. If they sense that you have not complete resolved feelings towards infertility and IVF they will put you on hold or recommend waiting. You will also probably be urged to be more open on the ages and gender you want. I’ll be honest 80% of parents going in requesting a 0-3 Caucasian female baby. This is great, but the demand is high and there are so many other great kids out there. For my previous agency they made a rule that if you were doing foster-to-adoption you had to be at least open to kids ages 0-5 and keep at least 2 spots available in your home.
The cost depends on the type and the state. For example, in the state of Texas if you completed a Straight adoption or an adoption where a child was (a minority, or over the age of 3, or Is a sibling group, or has medical disability) you essentially pay nothing for the adoption because the state pays you a subsidy to cover the legal fees, Medicaid insurance until the children reach 18, a monthly stipend of up to $400 something per kid until their 18, and the child gets free tuition to public collleges in Texas. Check your state to see if they offer subsidy programs. This route could take as little as a year. I’ve literally experienced couples go from 0 kids to 3 adopted siblings in a matter of a year. A lot of support is usually offered through this process. And to be clear, a straight adoption means the kids are legally free for adoption and their parents have legally signed their rights away.
foster to adopt would allow you to possibly get a younger child and some families get placements within weeks of being completely licensed. You will also get monthly support to assist with the expenses of the child (including insurance). The risk in this type of adoption is that the parents may not sign over their rights and there is a chance that they could go back to their biological families. I’m sure you have heard horror stories of this before. This can be a long process depending on the bio parents and the reason for removal.
If you want to go the private adoption route it can be a little challenging. Usually the biological parents will have to select you as a parent and that could take some time if you don’t “present” well via homestudy. But this is the most logical type of adoption if you want an infant. Most of our parents were at every doctors visit and were in the delivery room. These adoptions are pricy but check with your church or employer. Most companies offer adoption assistance and short term disability to cover the time needed to bond with the baby. I have also seen grants for these type of adoptions. Cheapest one I have seen was 12k-40k.
Also keep in mind that national adoption month lawyers usually offer a discounted fee if you adopt in that month. Usually it’s in November
I really hope this helps. I am very biased when it comes to adoption. I’ve seen so many good kids not have a family and I wish more people consider this.
Post # 11
smstevenson64 : Thanks for all the great advice. It is good to know Darling Husband cancer past won’t effect us if we chose to go this route. It sounds like from all the advice I received I need to be done with ivf before pursuing adoption. It is good to know there are lots of options available if this is the route we choose. I am sure we would be open to going up to age 5 and I would be Ok with adopting siblings. I do appreciate all the advice! Sounds like there are many options.
Post # 12
Thank you all for the great advice!!!