(Closed) Adult cousins– Do they sit with mom and dad?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

If it was me, I’d prefer to be with my other cousins, but perhaps that’s because we’re all ranging from 19-29 and have a lot in common. 

Post # 5
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i think it depends if you’re having all families sit together, or all people sit with people their age. i’d rather sit with people my own age, my cousins.

Post # 7
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Seat them with people they have common interests with. They probably see their parents all the time and want to sit with someone in own age range.

Post # 8
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee

Part of the fun of being a hostess (and the responsibility that comes with wielding the power of a hostess) is arranging table groups so that everyone will have the most pleasant time possible. If you think your cousins will have more fun at another table, by all means put them at another table!

In fact, the actual rules of traditional etiquette state that members of the same family should NOT be seated together at a formal dinner. Even husband and wife are supposed to be seated separately, so that they can have the pleasure of new and fresh conversation, and so that they do not fall into the trap of just talking familialy with one another and excluding the rest of the table.

As I’ve said before, very few people nowadays bother with the rules of formal etiquette like that just stated — but by now means feel that you’d be violating etiquette by taking what you have already figured out is the more thoughtful and considerate course of action!

Post # 9
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Aspasia – that’s interesting, I never knew that. Proper etiquette or not, I think I’d go insane if I got seated separately from R at a formal event!

Post # 11
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee

@lilyfaith – yes, it is one of the places where “formally correct” and “kind and compassionate” actually don’t necessarily overlap. But, a good hostess who sat you apart from your spouse, would also make a point of sitting you with someone who DID make you feel comfortable. And once you have a bit of familiarity with the practice, it can become a lot of fun to explore all that new conversational territory with different people.

Also, engaged couples are not considered to be “family” yet, so they are always seated together.

Post # 12
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Aspacia, that is interesting. I’ve never read any such thing before in etiquette books or been told that by anyone who is a stickler for proper manners, etc. But etiquette boils down to the prevention of awkward social situations for your guests that compromise their comfort, and most people would agree that separating couples is a surefire way to inconvenience adn upset folks which is what the hosts are trying to prevent by following etiquette.

Post # 13
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yeah, I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer on this one. I live on the opposite side of the country from my parents, so I see them infrequently, and if I were flying in then out to go to the wedding, I would love to sit next to them. My brother, on the other hand, would much rather be placed with cousins, or at the table with single girls. Tongue out He sees them much more often, and he is a 24-year-old dude.

Post # 15
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Also keep in mind that the seating assignment is just for dinner, so no longer than 2 hrs at the maximum, but in general just one hr. After dinner, they can get up and move wherever they want.

Post # 16
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Not to put even more on your plate, but if you have a second, giving them a discreet call could help.

But then again, sitting with the ‘rents would only be a preference, and I would certainly also love to sit with my cousins, or even a mix of cousins my age and friends or coworkers. I like new people too.

The topic ‘Adult cousins– Do they sit with mom and dad?’ is closed to new replies.

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