(Closed) Adult-only bridal shower? -need help

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
105 posts
Blushing bee

I’ve never been to a bridal shower that wasn’t adults only. If you address the envelope only to the woman you are inviting, that should be sufficient, unless people are rude and presumptuous.

Post # 3
7937 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

my shower was adults only.  as only adults were invited and no one brought their kids.

well the lady i used to babysit for asked, no begged if she could bring her now adult daughters, those than planned my shower didn’t want to let her but they caved.  then she showed up without them.

Post # 4
3187 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
cjm18 :  my sister’s shower was intended to be adults-only…and a few women brought their ***wonderful, well-behaved toddlers with them***. there was (literally) 2 hours of constant screaming from one child whose mother just kind of looked at him and laughed. yeah.

you have to know your crowd – will there be people who will assume their kids are invited? if so, then you might just want to put on the invitation “adults only” towards the bottom. is it rude? yeah – but a lot of the problem with etiquette these days is that so very few people are actually aware of it. personally, i’d rather be somewhat rude and have a lovely shower than follow all the etiquette rules and get stuck with a screaming toddler who has ruined all the cupcakes by sticking his hands in them.

if your crowd is not one to presume their kids can come, then you can leave off the adults only bit – but this is definitely a know-your-audience situation.

Post # 5
30393 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m assuming you are asking on behalf of someone who is hosting your shower. The way around this is to handle the invitations the same way as wedding invitations, and include an rsvp card.

It certainly doesn’t mean they have to be formal, just use the language to indicate how many people are included on each invitation.

Post # 6
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
catskillsinjune :  Same here. I co-hosted a bridal shower for my cousin a few years ago and several women brought their kids. It was HELLISH. 

Pregnant mom completely ignoring her 3-year old who’s running around knocking stuff over. 

Mom of toddler and 5-year old ignoring her duo to pay attention to the infant in attendance. Toddler had a meltdown; mom was offered use of a private bedroom but declined and kept the screaming child with her at the table. 

Mom of 9-year old girl ingoring her kid to hold the infant and tell pregnant lady birth horror stories.

5-year old and 9-year old girls pulling apart the flower arrangements, running around and slamming doors constantly, spilling stuff, and drinking from multiple glass champagne flutes, including the flute designated for the bride-to-be. 

View original reply
cjm18 :  All this to say, it’s probably a good idea to specify “Adults Only, Please” on the invitation or RSVP card. Then be polite but firm when guests ask to bring their kids. 

Post # 7
595 posts
Busy bee

I think it depends on what the norm is for your guests. I’ve never been to a kid free shower so here people would assume they can bring little kids as it’s the norm. If your guests are used to that you’ll have to let them know. But if not then you’ll probably be fine. I agree with the previous poster who said it’s a “know your audience” type thing. 

Post # 8
7912 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Wow. I can’t imagine showing up to an event with my child(ren) if they hadn’t been invited. How rude.

Post # 10
3294 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
cjm18 :  Can you not spread by word of mouth that it is adults only? Tell the key people that there is no room for kids and when people ask they will find out.

Post # 11
9146 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
cjm18 :  if it’s the norm to include kids in your circle I would mention it by word of mouth that the littles can’t come. It’s rude to assume kids are invited if they aren’t on the invite, but if it’s the norm then it’s hard to fault them for what is probably an honest mistake if they do bring their kids. In my circle bridal showers are typically adults only and baby showers are kid friendly. The one baby shower invite I got that said “no kids” we all totally rolled our eyes at but went along with it anyways. 

Post # 12
875 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

The same person who brought uninvited children to my shower also brought their invited children to my ceremony. They cried during both. 

I agree witb PP who said include rsvp cards with the number of people invited. However, i did that with my wedding invitations and still had extra people at the ceremony and reception after dinner. 

Post # 14
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I would communicate with them before hand as much as possible.  There is no way to keep a toddler seated for the length of a shower even on Mom’s lap.  Better to have someone (bridal party or mom) communicate that there will be no exceptions unless the baby is young enough for a carrier than risk it.   

Post # 15
10407 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
cjm18 :  

Be careful with this, ‘I guess if they bring their children then they will just have to sit on their laps.’ if your friends were intitially  ok with it, they might not be when they  see other  kids there. And there is NO guarantee  that children will remain on laps, NONE.

Make up your mind OP, do you want children  there or  not ! Don’t end up with none of your friends  children who you know , and who would probably be well wrangled  for your sake  in favour of fi’s family kids who you don’t  know  and whose mums have less concern for you. 

Get whoever is hosting this shower (not you) to make your wishes clear. 

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