Post # 1
So this is reallyyyy one of those MANY times I wish I would’ve kept my mouth shut when i first started wedding planning. My FI asked me to marry him back in July of 2010 while on vacation.. we didn’t set a date right away but I was so excited to be engaged, I (literally) immediately asked my FI’s 2 nieces and my 4 cousins to be in our wedding party.. then our two best friends who are married and in our party had a little boy and it was perfect because we didn’t have a ring bearer yet. So that makes 7 kids in our wedding party.. it breaks down to 3 junior bridesmaids, 1 junior groomsman, 2 flower girls & 1 ring bearer (I know I’m crazy)… but now the more and more I think about the wedding reception… I’d really like to have an adult only reception. kids are adorable especially when dancing and stuff.. but we’re having an open bar and while I’m sure it’s not uncommon for kids to be around alcolhol, my family and our friends are pretty big drinkers. I don’t think anything would get “out of hand” necessarily.. just might not end up being a kid friendly enviornment.
So is it acceptable to have kids in your wedding party but then ask their parents to not bring them to wedding reception? I know if I was that parent, it would bother me to spend $xxx on wedding clothes and such for my kids and then not take them to the reception…
Or can I put on the invitations “adult only reception” but still just have the kids in the wedding party attend?
Both options seem pretty ridiculous to me, but I figured I’d ask you bees!
Post # 3
I would phrase it ” adult reception” not adult only. Seems a little kinder.
I really think the kids should be invited to the dinner , at least. I don’t think their parents would be expecting that they remain through the whole reception. You could offer to help find a sitter for after dinner. I think they would get the message.
Post # 4
I am having an adult reception but I am allowing the kids in my wedding party to be there. I dont want to have their parents take them away.
Post # 5
I had an adult only reception but had a 10 y/o junior bridesmaid, 9 y/o junior groomsman, 11 y/o usher and 9 y/o usher in the wedding. The kids that were in the wedding were allowed at the reception but the guests’ children were not invited.
I think that the kids can stay a long as their parents are cool with it and that they understand that they need to keep track of them. However, the kids in my wedding were older so they didn’t need as much care. Also, at least let them eat and be introduced as part of the wedding party and then they can leave. FWIW: I had an open bar as well and the reception was in a 250 year old barn.
We actually had my DH’s half sister and my aunt and uncle not come to the wedding because they couldn’t bring their kids. One had a 4 year old and the other had an 11 month old. TOO YOUNG. NO WAY.
Post # 6
If they are part of your wedding party, then they should be included in the reception. Otherwise, it gives the appearance that you are just using them to fill roles. Chances are they will not stay super late anyway.
Post # 7
julies1949: —> THIS
You can certainly have an Adult Reception (put “Adult Reception to Follow” on your Invites) and still have the kiddies from the Bridal Party at the Dinner portion… just call up their Parents, and let them know your plans… and that you’ve made arrangements for them to go somewhere after the dinner portion is over for Babysitting (your nickel), so their Parents can still enjoy the evening
OR alternatively, you can make the whole evening… Adults only (same phrase above would appear on the Invites) and let the Parents know that you’ve made arrangements for the Kiddies to go elsewhere for a meal and babysitting following the Ceremony.
The latter tho, is a tough one… Because inevitably one (or more) of the Parents are going to balk at that (“they are good enough for your 20 minute Wedding Ceremony, but not good enough to have along for Dinner”)
My rec… just go with the usual format, that I outlined in Option # 1 above. Doesn’t mean you still won’t have a complainer in the mix, but it is easier. And stick to your guns on this, otherwise, you’ll find that every relative with a kid will want to bring em along. And once you open that door… you can’t close it.
Hope this helps,
Post # 8
I had 3 kids in my wedding party and had an adult only reception. I had 2 flowers girls and a ring bearer. I told their parents (my aunt and uncle, my husband cousins) that because they were in the wedding party they would be able to be at the reception, but they decided to all get babysitters so they could have a good time and they really did! Allow them to come but leave the decision up to the parents.
Post # 9
I think you can have a adult reception and include just the children in the BP. We did that and it was fine and no one thought to complain about it. FWIW, we didn’t have quite as many children as you, but it would’ve been challenging for the parents of the kids to figure out what to do with them post-wedding. The kids didn’t dance much anyway. They were mostly occupied with electronic devices or chowing down on extra helpings of dessert. I think if you trust them enough to behave appropriate during the ceremony, which is the most solemn and important part, they should be fine at the reception as well.
Post # 10
You bees are seriously sooo helpful! I honestly put my “big girl panties” on when I clicked “submit” cause I was preparing myself for..
“Why did you ask them in the first place…”
“Are the kids not good enough to be at the reception…”
Thank you ladies for being honest and kind!
Post # 11
The only child under 10 at our wedding was my 5 year old niece who was the flower girl, and she stayed for the reception. She behaved beautifully & there were no problems at all. The venue also let us order a kid’s meal for her so we wouldn’t have to pay for an adult meal.
Also, my other niece was only 4 months old and still breastfeeding so she was there as well. I actually didn’t notice her until halfway through the reception!
Just wanted to let you know that it won’t “ruin” your wedding as long as the kiddos are well behaved 🙂 A sitter being available is a really good idea too, so they can be on-site and near their parents but not necessarily running around tearing up the place.
Post # 12
The kids in the bridal party are the exception to adult only receptions and no one will begrudge you for including them. They should definitely be able to attend the receptions, though.
Post # 13
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
I suggest hiring a babysitting service that can take all the kids off to a different room during the reception. That’s what we’re doing, and I’ve received good feedback from parents.