Post # 1
So my fiance and I agreed upon an adult only reception. Neither one of us have many children in our family, but for those that are in our family we still decided if we wanted adult only that they cannot come. Once you make one exception, there’s a million more to follow. My cousins who I only see once every 5-10 years asked prior to us even sending invitations if they should book a plane ticket for their son. After much thought I said unfortunately we cannot make an exception, but would offer to provide child care if she is comfortable with that. Now my fiance’s side of the family doesn’t have many children, one who is 16 and her brother who is 10. There is an 18 year old that we did invite (with the premise 18 is an adult). Now to the problem…don’t I get a response card from his grandmother in the mail the other day RSVPing for her and the 16 year old cousin! Now what do I do. I don’t think I’m mad about the fact that the kid is coming, I’m just anticipating someone else is going to RSVP for her brother, and they fact that they did not ask us if it was okay. And that I already told my cousin they can’t attend. How would all you bees handle this?
Post # 3
I would call Grandma and The Aunt and explain the situation saying that due to budgetary/venue constraints you had to cut it off somewhere and decided to make the cut-off at age 18 and older!
Stand your ground – it will pass!
Post # 4
I agree with FutureMrsMartin, they will get over it. It’s your day! Good Luck!
Post # 5
That can be really challenging. Definitely make a decision and stick to it.
Let me do caution though that if you choose to make an issue of it (and not let the 16 yo relative come), it can potentially cause family problems later. My uncle got married when I was 17. I was in college and wasn’t invited to the reception because I wasn’t 18 (my birthday was in less than 2 weeks). We found out that other teens under the age of 18 were invited on her side of the family. It definitely didn’t make me feel too great :/ My mom has had an issue with this for the past 5+ years and it has really hurt their relationship….
Edit: if the grandmother tried to bring a 7 year of kid I would have an issue with it. Kids act up, make a scene, etc. A 16 year old… eh not so much. BUT – you have to make a decision that YOU are comfortable and happy with!
Post # 6
Thanks for the input
@Eva…That is why I am so upset. I wouldn’t mind the fact that she comes, but they didn’t even ask. Her parent’s even RSVP’d and didn’t add her, but went so much as the grandmother to include her as her guest. The only children we will be having is our ring bearer and flower girl (only until after dinner) and my niece (which is only going to be 3 weeks old). So there will not be anyone under the age of 18…which is what I stuck with. Hence my frustrations because here I turned away my family I rarely see, and this is family we get together with on a monthly basis.
Post # 7
I am having an adult only reception as well. I am inviting my cousins, but none of their children, regardless of age. If my grandmother was bringing one of them as a guest, then I would just roll with it. That’s Grandma’s decision, not yours. My grandmothers are dead, but I sure as heck wouldn’t pick a fight with them over this one…
Post # 8
I don’t think you should frame it as a budgetary constraint. It’s pretty clear that Grandma used her +1 so you couldn’t use that excuse. It’s not like they added an uninvited guest. I would tell them you and your fiance don’t want kids at the reception and you had to draw the line somewhere. And since you’re not allowing cousins on your side under 18 to come, you can’t allow FI’s cousins under 18 either.
If Fiance is not close to his grandma or aunt, can you delegate to FMIL?
Post # 9
@sboston06: I was just going to suggest having Future Mother-In-Law talk to her!